W sent me a picture of some flowers she put on my sister's grave in our old home town (where W moved to).
I responded thanks for doing that and she replied "of course".
What a strong emotionaly reaction that created for me. As many of you know, my sister was killed in a auto accident when I was 10 years old. I attribute alot of my issues to the things that happened after she died. I can trace alot of my relationship issues to the trauma I went through.
It's ironic, that the woman I have a dysfuntional relationship with went and put flowers on my sisters grave. And if my sister never died, I probably would not have ended up in a relationship with W.
Not a whole lot to report lately. I've maintained NC with W other than when she sent me a pic of some flowers she placed at my sisters grave.
I've been keeping busy with work, the gym, and mountain biking. Next on the agenda is to get a kayak so I can explore some of the lakes and rivers around here.
At the end of this month, I am taking a week vacation to Southern California to visit with some old friends so that should be a lot of fun.
Yes, Thornton is a catch. I have evidence,ladies. Thorn, hang in there. Enjoy SoCal later this month. It gets better. XO
11/4/15 W revealed EA/2 months later became PA with co-worker Reconciling since late April 2016 Don't give up until it's time, then move on Be patient, strong and kind but never a doormat
I texted SD the day and that was nice. We texted briefly and then she was headed to the zoo.
Still NC with W, that's probably best for now.
I have been pretty active with biking the local trails, and taking the dog for long walks, and fishing.
I'm facing my fears, and spending alone time with my thoughts. I'm allowing myself to feel the pain this time instead of obsessing about ways to get W back so the pain goes away.
Hey Thornton, I'm not sure if you got your kayak, but I noticed fishing in your post about what you've been up to. If you didn't get a kayak, do it, they really open up areas for fishing, you can sometimes find them at a big discount on craigslist.
I just wanted to give a suggestion for GAL, look online for fishing forums in your area, or better yet kayak fishing, and see if there are any people that want to meet up to fish. I joined a kayak fishing club through a NC forum, and a bunch of us get together every couple of months for a camping/fishing weekend, and individuals meet up for a day on the water in different areas. I can't tell you how many "friends" I've made since I've joined, and the best part is when you meet up, there is no social stress because if all you talk about is fishing it's completely acceptable/normal. And I also have people I now know personally that I chat with online on the forum, which is a bonus for those quiet times at home.
Being in a new state with only one friend nearby, it greatly accelerated my social life.
M - 9 1/2 years 5/5/16 - Bomb drop - 3 week EA 10/31/16 - We sold house 01/10/18 - D Finalized
Sorry to drag up an older post, but I just had to comment on this:
Originally Posted By: Thornton
Basically, I think she regrets her decision to leave but she has painted such an ugly picture of me to all her friends and family that she can't turn back now without looking like an idiot.
There was a "reformed WAW" (she had reconciled with her H) that came here and shared her experience years ago, similar to reading Sandi's posts I found it really fascinating to hear things from her perspective because it helps to understand what our WAS's go through. Anyway I remember her saying that she almost decided not to reconcile with her H because she could not stand the thought of having to explain to all of her friends and family why she would want to get back with the person she had been trashing and dragging through the mud to them for months! She had made him out to be a horribly evil person to justify to her friends, family and even herself that leaving him was her ONLY course of action. When the WAS does this, what do you think their friends and family say? Well of course they tell her "leave that dirtbag ASAP!!!" The WAS crafts a situation that MAKES people tell him/ her what they WANT to hear. Much of it is exaggerated or just plain false. So to return, they have to explain to people that THEY were as much a problem as the LBS, and sometimes pride just won't let them do that!
She misses me. She's still in love with me. Her hope is that after we both heal ourselves, that we will re-connect instead of me replacing her with someone else.
She then went of to tell me she felt like I didn't accept her for who she is and that's one of the reasons she had to leave. This is news to me and I responded that I thought she left because I was "abusive".
I then challenged her and asked her to tell me what I didn't accept about her. The only example she could provide was from years ago!
When I hear from her like this, it really throws me off. Part of me feels angry she is texting me like this.
I think she wants me to commit to waiting for her while she figures out her life. That really pisses me off.
Hi Thornton, do you see how the loop is going around again from her end?
My view would be don't even engage with her on that stuff and stick with validation only - I'm sorry you feel that way, I'm sure if we both reflect on things there are ways we could have been better partners to each other..be well and take care.
You see, you know already she isn't making much sense, so best not to get drawn in..
I liked Coconut's suggestion of GAL by the way...might that be of interest?
T 13 M 7 Me 48 H 46 SS 15 BD 7.14 PA D final 5.16 (H filed)
We receive & we lose, and must try to achieve gratitude & embrace with whole hearts whatever of life that remains after the losses - Dubus
