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kml Offline
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Quote:
She asked me why I even married him.


Ouch!

Your daughter may need some counseling. She's always been unusually insightful, a good therapist may be able to help her maintain healthy boundaries with your ex.

It hurts, I know - I'm dealing now with my adult children and their troubled relationship with their narcissist father.

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Originally Posted By: Dawn70
Glad you got away for a bit. It's nice to have that mental break sometimes. I hate that FF's new girlfriend is hitting you so hard, but you deserve SO much better. You know, I totally get it though. I wouldn't go back to my ex-husband if he was the last man on earth and he offered me 10 million dollars, but the first time I saw a pic of him and his new gf (now wife), I just about lost my mind. It hurts and brings up all sorts of insecurities in ourselves, so I totally understand your reaction. I think it's good that you blocked them both from all your social media. Just focus on you and don't worry about FF. He's not anywhere good enough for you!


Hi Dawn!

I think it hit me so hard because I know she is the perfect match and she can give him what I can't. I know how completely happy he must be with a younger woman who is already in with the family. It is definitely triggering my insecurities. Especially when EVERYONE I have dated ended up with someone 5 minutes after me, or even during me, and most of those women were people they already knew. I have no clue why they even bothered with me.

I guess I am feeling like he must be sitting there saying "this was the right decision, I am happier now than I could be with Ginger" and he might very well be saying that. And I can see why. I simply cannot offer him what she can. (although I have my own place and they both live with their parents, lol).

I know he is way better off with her, but seeing them together just stinks. It's not that who I am isn't worth, I am just not what he needs at all.

Eh, I really do have bigger fish to fry. Like my A hole of an ex, going to the ortho today to find out the plan, finishing school, getting as much done as I possible can around the house before surgery happens, while I can't really do too much as it is. And, of course, cheering on my volleyball team, haha!

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Originally Posted By: kml
Quote:
She asked me why I even married him.


Ouch!

Your daughter may need some counseling. She's always been unusually insightful, a good therapist may be able to help her maintain healthy boundaries with your ex.

It hurts, I know - I'm dealing now with my adult children and their troubled relationship with their narcissist father.


I think you are right. I have looked for a good therapist with reasonable hours in the area, and I can't find one. I talk to my T about how to help her handle it.

The sad part is she loves his so much and hates how he treats everyone.

I know that feeling all too well.

She incredibly insightful. More so than a lot of the adults I know. I can't sneak any BS past her.

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Quote:
I guess I am feeling like he must be sitting there saying "this was the right decision, I am happier now than I could be with Ginger" and he might very well be saying that. And I can see why. I simply cannot offer him what she can. (although I have my own place and they both live with their parents, lol).


You're doing a whole lot of ASSuming here, girlfriend. Do you honestly believe your ex-husband ended up happier with OW than he would have been with you? Clearly not. So don't go around assuming all your other ex-boyfriends made the right choices - you never know what's going on behind closed doors. Maybe your ex's are driving their current partners crazy comparing them to you all the time lol.

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Originally Posted By: kml
Quote:
She asked me why I even married him.


Ouch!

Your daughter may need some counseling. She's always been unusually insightful, a good therapist may be able to help her maintain healthy boundaries with your ex.

It hurts, I know - I'm dealing now with my adult children and their troubled relationship with their narcissist father.

Their is only one answer to this and it is so
I could have YOU (D9) or KML(adult children)

I love you unconditionally.
This is the answer she is looking for.


Me-70, D37,S36
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Originally Posted By: kml
Quote:
I guess I am feeling like he must be sitting there saying "this was the right decision, I am happier now than I could be with Ginger" and he might very well be saying that. And I can see why. I simply cannot offer him what she can. (although I have my own place and they both live with their parents, lol).


You're doing a whole lot of ASSuming here, girlfriend. Do you honestly believe your ex-husband ended up happier with OW than he would have been with you? Clearly not. So don't go around assuming all your other ex-boyfriends made the right choices - you never know what's going on behind closed doors. Maybe your ex's are driving their current partners crazy comparing them to you all the time lol.

HAHA, yes, I am doing a whole lot of logical assuming. But it is assumptions. Since I will never know the truth and care not to find out, I really like your explanation and I am going with it. If that fantasy makes me feel better, why not? But I am making an effort to just be mentally done with this. We had our fun, unfortunately good things come to an end, and hopefully something better is in store for me.

Originally Posted By: Cadet
Originally Posted By: kml
Quote:
She asked me why I even married him.


Ouch!

Your daughter may need some counseling. She's always been unusually insightful, a good therapist may be able to help her maintain healthy boundaries with your ex.

It hurts, I know - I'm dealing now with my adult children and their troubled relationship with their narcissist father.

Their is only one answer to this and it is so
I could have YOU (D9) or KML(adult children)

I love you unconditionally.
This is the answer she is looking for.


Great minds think alike. That's exactly what I told her

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Ginger1 Offline OP
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Saw the doctor yesterday. I did a number on my knee. 2-3 weeks of PT and I am scheduling my surgery for August 18th. Recovery is a B. It will not be easy, I will be out of work for a while. But he says I will get back to where I was in 9 months, light jogging in 3. I am just in shock still that I really did this to myself. All I wanted to do was GAL. I wanted to play a sport I enjoy, lift my spirits, meet new people, and now I am down for the count. My summer is sort of shot. I know it could be worse, but taking repeated blows just wears me down. Nothing and I mean NOTHING comes without struggle to me.

I am not allowed to stay in this self pity much longer. I won't myself. I am just tired. even though my dad and stepmom are taking me and staying with me for four days, the truth is, the absence of a partner is truly truly felt in times like these. I feel awfully alone.

But this is how I am used to doing things, so I will just keep moving forward and doing the work that needs to be done.

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Ginger,

What if, due to your injury, you meet the guy of your dreams and live happily ever after? Stop treating it as a roadblock and look at it as an adventure.

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kml Offline
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Maybe a hot single physical therapist! smile

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Originally Posted By: Ginger1
Originally Posted By: kml
Quote:
I guess I am feeling like he must be sitting there saying "this was the right decision, I am happier now than I could be with Ginger" and he might very well be saying that. And I can see why. I simply cannot offer him what she can. (although I have my own place and they both live with their parents, lol).


You're doing a whole lot of ASSuming here, girlfriend. Do you honestly believe your ex-husband ended up happier with OW than he would have been with you? Clearly not. So don't go around assuming all your other ex-boyfriends made the right choices - you never know what's going on behind closed doors. Maybe your ex's are driving their current partners crazy comparing them to you all the time lol.

HAHA, yes, I am doing a whole lot of logical assuming. But it is assumptions. Since I will never know the truth and care not to find out, I really like your explanation and I am going with it. If that fantasy makes me feel better, why not? But I am making an effort to just be mentally done with this. We had our fun, unfortunately good things come to an end, and hopefully something better is in store for me.

Originally Posted By: Cadet
Originally Posted By: kml
Quote:
She asked me why I even married him.


Ouch!

Your daughter may need some counseling. She's always been unusually insightful, a good therapist may be able to help her maintain healthy boundaries with your ex.

It hurts, I know - I'm dealing now with my adult children and their troubled relationship with their narcissist father.

Their is only one answer to this and it is so
I could have YOU (D9) or KML(adult children)

I love you unconditionally.
This is the answer she is looking for.


Great minds think alike. That's exactly what I told her


Hello Ginger,

It is going to sound like an echo around here. Yes, lots of mind reading/assuming happening.

Best of luck to you on your PT and surgery!

Cristy

Resource Coordinator
The Divorce Busting Center
303-444-7004


A Divorce Busting Coach can help you save your marriage, even when your spouse wants out.

Email virginia@divorcebusting.com or 303-444-7004 for more information or to get started right away.
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