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Westo #2746438 06/11/17 06:28 AM
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So, I'm doing well I my recovery.

H took GD to the park today and I made a roast. He wasn't expecting it, but I happened to be just dishing it up when he brought her back.

He devoured it...I asked if he would like a desert, but he declined saying he needs to lose weight as he lives on Mc Donnalds & KFC (you can tell).

He fixed the washing line and bits and bobs. We talked about the recent election and stuff.

I did show him my breast and he showed me his scar from his recent hernia surgery, like it was a competition!.

On leaving he told me he will call again Wednesday, hugged me ( on the left side). Kissed my neck & I said "my boob is quite ok" to which he made a a motion to grab it.....that's his sense of humour!

He's just emailed thanking me for the beef dinner, to which I've replied.....'you're welcome, it was nice have something else to think about'.

Hey gang........can I get a high five?!

Westo #2746439 06/11/17 06:31 AM
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Huge high five!!!

OwnIt #2746440 06/11/17 06:57 AM
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Thanks OwnIt!

Westo #2746442 06/11/17 07:37 AM
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I am so glad that things are looking up for you. Don't over do it! You handled your situation w/your h very, very well. I'm glad he's stepping up to the plate and helping you out.


Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to.
The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
job #2746446 06/11/17 08:54 AM
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Westo - I'm so very very happy that you've gotten through your surgery and that it seems that it has caused your H to remember what a wonderful person you are.

As we have been taught - take it slow, expect setbacks and look after yourself first. It may be premature as well to suggest this but just like you have done I'm sure, I've done a powerful lot of reading. The biggest mistake I've read is letting them back too easily. If he wants you, he's got to earn it.

PS - you'll be pleased perhaps that I tried flirting with a very nice Welsh lady here in my village today. Sadly I believe that she is immune to my charms. I did some cwtch practicing on my nephew though yesterday at his first birthday party and that went very well. I was telling a friend of mine today that I'm looking for a wonderful person and this morning I saw him in the mirror. I'm sure you see a wonderful person looking back at you in your own.


On BD
H52, W50
T27, M26
S21, D23
BD-9-Mar-16
D-15-Jan-18 Final-19-Apr-18
I am a storyteller. The story may do you no good.
But a story is never for the listener. It is always for the one who tells
AndrewP #2746460 06/11/17 10:00 PM
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Hi Andrew, oh believe me he is going to have to do all the work. He has an awful lot to do in order to gain mine and our kids's trust back.

I think the most prominent words that have driven me through this journey are Cadet's,

'You've been given the gift of time, use it well'

I have walked a thousand miles up that mountain, thinking and thinking, working on myself and like you reading a lot. I have developed into the woman I should have become.

I am not that mother and grandmother he left over a year ago. I'm not that frump I had become.

He now sees a very different one, slimmer, fitter, confident and attractive. I always make sure I'm made up, hair styled and dressed differently every time, all new clothes. Making sure I smell wonderful. This is all for me, of course!

I forgot to say, this was a conversation we had last week while we waited to see my surgeon.

H "what are those red streaks in your hair?"
M " oh, I got D to streak it for me and S touched up my roots last nigh, under my directions!"

I carried on with whatever we were talking about before the question.

Five minutes later,

H "are those the same shoes you were wearing last week. The ones with the tassels?"
M "no, these are different ones"

I carried on again.....

Five minutes later

H "your legs look longer"
M "must be the heels"

I nonchalantly carried on again.....as if it really was no big deal. We got together thirty years ago this year.

He has never noticed things about me before!

Westo #2746461 06/11/17 10:03 PM
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How could the Welsh woman not be charmed by you? We all are!

You are right......we now look in the mirror and see ourselves as that wonderful person.

That's when you know we've listened and done the work needed, doesn't matter whether there reconciliation or not.

Westo #2746931 06/15/17 04:58 AM
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H called again today. I said to him that I have one question to ask him as its something that has been on my mind for nine months, and feel I can't do small talk anymore while this is on my mind.

I asked why he thought it was ok to text his S a week before his wedding to ask if he could take OW. How did he think it would have affected everyone, especially our S, his parents, my D etc.

He answered that he didn't know what he was thinking at that time. OW asked if she could attend. He guessed his S response would be no. So it was never going to happen. I said, what if the answer had been yes?

He answered that he would have made another excuse and basically lie.

He told me that it's only recently he's been thinking straight and it took my cancer to wake him up and think "what the f**k have I done".

On leaving he apologised again and said he keeps thinking he'll wake up and be back home. It's like it's been one long dream.

Long hug (I'm not ready for a cwtch) a kiss on my neck, then on my cheek.

I can't kiss him back, I just rub his back during the hug. It reminds me of stayed's husband's story. Where he said he felt like he was in a movie and knew it had to end, and the thought of losing her woke him up.

Baby steps..........

Westo #2746934 06/15/17 05:10 AM
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Westo - Have you checked into what counseling resources are available to you and your H in your area? I am forever grateful to the therapist who my doctor referred me to who since it was a referral by an MD also happened to be free.

You yourself may need some support in the days to come as may your H.

If not through your doctor, perhaps through your church if you are a practicing member?


On BD
H52, W50
T27, M26
S21, D23
BD-9-Mar-16
D-15-Jan-18 Final-19-Apr-18
I am a storyteller. The story may do you no good.
But a story is never for the listener. It is always for the one who tells
AndrewP #2746937 06/15/17 05:43 AM
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Hi Andrew,

I'm not religious at all and we Brits don't attend counselling like you guys do over the pond.

Hence the proverbial 'stiff upper lip'. It's just not the norm here. I feel I've received counselling here and it's been invaluable to me.

Obviously H hasn't received anything but I'm prepared to do anything. Not sure if H would go though!

I think he will have to 'court' me......and we will have to talk a lot. Right now I'm in no real hurry. I've had a lovely break from sex, snoring and the Groundhog Day our marriage had become!

Sorry, probably a woman thing......but I'm sure many who have been with their spouses for thirty years will know exactly what I'm on about!

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