Previous Thread
Next Thread
Print Thread
Page 9 of 11 1 2 7 8 9 10 11
Joined: Mar 2016
Posts: 169
B
Brubeck Offline OP
Member
OP Offline
Member
B
Joined: Mar 2016
Posts: 169
5 months unemployed now. 200 resume submittals have yielded 8 interviews. A couple of them I knew were out of my reach, a few of them I thought I had a 50/50 shot at, and a couple seemed like sure things. I guess not.

I wonder what I am doing wrong here. I am focusing on the areas where my resume is getting the most responses, but it's frustrating. In a month or two, I'm going to have to lower my standards and take whatever I can get. It's weird. I got my first job one month after turning 16 years old and I collected a paycheck for 27 years without worry.

I had fears about this happening a few years ago. Around 2013, I could see the company I was with was only treading water instead of thriving. I knew the owner was waiting for business to improve on its own, instead of trying to hustle a bit. I realized I could not work at this company forever, and that when I left that place that I would be at a crossroads as to what to do next. I spent 2 decades at that place, moving laterally through 3 different management positions because it was such an amazing environment.

I am applying for positions where I believe I have a chance of getting hired - but I feel I'm spinning my wheels. Other than being part of a solid team, I don't know what I want to do.

I'm tired of spending 3 hours a day doing job searches online with S3 and S5 crawling all over me while W lays in bed sleeping or staring at her phone. I want to get back to work so I can finalize the D and get out of here, far away from Crazy Pants.

MLC Friend #1 has pretty much disappeared. She just got a D and moved into a new apartment in the same nearby neighborhood. I overheard W say she's tired of MLC Friend #1 getting clingy, but who knows.

Our last cat died last week. I could tell something was up with our cat a couple of weeks prior to that. Day by day, she was eating slightly less and walking slower. 2 days prior to her dying, W finally noticed something was off with her. All W had to say was "She's old, she's done" in a very cold tone of voice.

The day before our cat died, W told me she was spending the following evening at the 40th birthday party for Real Friend #2. That afternoon I scheduled a doctor's appointment for the cat and was preparing to take her in. W asked me what time was the appointment. It was scheduled an hour before she was set to leave for the party.

"No! The party starts at six but MLC Friend #2 is coming to pick me up at 5:15. Why did you schedule this appointment so I have to be stuck at home with the kids!" That MLC anger is a flick of the finger.

I honestly didn't know MLC Friend #2 was coming to get her 45 minutes early. W barely tells me anything about her schedule anyway. I tried to adjust immediately. S5 already asked to come with, and I said I would take S8 with me to the veterinarian's office. I would leave S3 with MIL if she was home, or take all 3 boys with if necessary.

She wasn't budging. "So you just expected me to skip this party and watch the kids while you take all f***ing night at a vet's office downtown when there's a vet office around the corner!"

I explained I booked the downtown vet office because it was much cheaper and we're on a tight budget cause I'm not working. I got lost for a moment - I didn't realize this was rooted in MLC spew and not a legitimate complaint. In genuine confusion - I asked what the problem was? I didn't know she was leaving earlier than she said. I have changed my course of direction - I will take all 3 boys with me so she could leave whenever she wanted. The issue has been settled. What's the problem?

Broken record on repeat - "You scheduled this appointment time on purpose to trying and keep me at home with the kids. You tried on purpose to f***king do this." I wasn't going to argue with her, but I wasn't validating this crap either. I maintained eye contact, kept silent and she eventually walked away. She had to believe I was out to get her. She spewed all this in front of the kids, as usual.

I took the cat in. I was sure it was renal failure because I've seen it before. They put her down. She was 17, so she lived a good while. W never asked about the cat after that. 2 evenings later, W woke me at 1 AM to kill a large black beetle that parked itself on the bathroom floor. She sounded genuinely scared and creeped out when she woke me.


M: 49, W: 45
T: 22 M: 15
S14, S11, S9
BD: Jan '16
W files: Oct '16
D final: June '18
Joined: Apr 2006
Posts: 13,511
Likes: 1
2
Member
Offline
Member
2
Joined: Apr 2006
Posts: 13,511
Likes: 1
Sometimes the only thing you can say is "Seriously.?"

Then walk away...
( "/"Do you hear yourself?" / "Bye, I have to take our sick FAMILY pet in now...")

Good grief. And I'm sorry about your cat. Really.

cry


M: 57 H: 60
M: 35 yrs
S30,D28,D19
H off to Alaska 2006
Recon 7/07- 8/08
*2016*
X = "ALASKA 2.0"
GROUND HOG DAY
I File D 10/16
OW
DIV 2/26/2018
X marries OW 5/2016

= CLOSURE 4 ME
Embrace the Change
Joined: Apr 2006
Posts: 13,511
Likes: 1
2
Member
Offline
Member
2
Joined: Apr 2006
Posts: 13,511
Likes: 1
ps

the month before h left (unbeknownst to me) our 11 y/o family dog got sick. I was out of town and h told me he crated her while he was at work. No, he did not take her in

and btw, h was a veterinarian before he was a physician - and I can barely write this...

a month later after h had left, and I filed for divorce, the dog just looked horrible. I could not drive due to the seizures.

my uber driver saw the dog and carried her into the car, and drove me and "MY" dog to the vets. They missed whatever the problem was even though they did tests.

D28 took the dog (sort of d28's dog anyhow) and I took the "puppy" east with me.

A month later d28 asked h and me what to do as family dog seemed very sick, but it might have been a treatable disease. In fact it appeared to be treatable.

H's response was that he was "available for medical advice..." (read "not money")

I privately texted h what he thought or would suggest, and he said one word in his text to me...

"euthanasia".

a few weeks and $$ later, (money from me and my sisters, and d28, btw)

the family dog was diagnosed with terminal cancer.

S30, and d19 and I (& my sisters and some good family friends) all supported d28 as she made the only choice she could make. H was not involved until after the fact and said something like he "loved that dog" etc.

Like he'd been a part of it. God, I cannot believe this is the man I married and loved for decades.

Brubeck,

I'm sorry. Take care of your kids & good luck with the job search. I've got a law degree and practiced law until the last child was born. Not getting interviews at all, so far.

H has a pristine resume but has decided to "retire" now that the court ordered him to pay support.

of course it's unfair. Grand scheme of things, I know I'm better off than most people on the planet and I mean that. I get it.

Still, right now you hurt. I get that too. But I have a friend who lost her son last fall, out of nowhere.

So I try hard to focus on gratitude b/c in the end, what are our choices?

Misery and limbo, or embracing what life has thrust upon us and keeping at it?


M: 57 H: 60
M: 35 yrs
S30,D28,D19
H off to Alaska 2006
Recon 7/07- 8/08
*2016*
X = "ALASKA 2.0"
GROUND HOG DAY
I File D 10/16
OW
DIV 2/26/2018
X marries OW 5/2016

= CLOSURE 4 ME
Embrace the Change
Joined: Nov 2016
Posts: 2,605
G
Member
Offline
Member
G
Joined: Nov 2016
Posts: 2,605
Brubeck,

1. One thing that has helped me with my W's anger is realizing it usually isn't about me. It's lifted a weight off of my shoulders

2. Job hunting with s3 and s5 crawling on you is terribly difficult. Can you do that out of the house at a coffee shop or at the library or elsewhere? I too had to recently leave a long time job and. Got it through networking not online. What are you doing offline?


Gordie 40s W 40s M20+ kids
2016 BD W fantasy affair w OM1 I do everything wrong
2017 I start to DB W says TLTL files for D PA w OM2
2018 I do LRT W drops filing and OM2 situation slowly improving
Joined: Apr 2007
Posts: 3,925
P
Member
Offline
Member
P
Joined: Apr 2007
Posts: 3,925
Geez

so sorry about the cat and your W

It is such a tough road and to be responsible for 3 young kids
My xh Left I had 2 ages 5 and 11
somehow it worked and they are 22 and 16 now

keep strong
the right job will come your way because you are doing the right things
I believe the universe works this way


married 14 years
H 42
bomb 2/07 IDLYA
D final 3 /09
M ow D ow
Joined: Dec 2013
Posts: 1,922
G
Member
Offline
Member
G
Joined: Dec 2013
Posts: 1,922
Brubeck,

I haven't read your sitch but I wanted to say I'm sorry you find yourself here. I understand your frustration with the job search but keep at it. Reach out to folks on LinkedIn, friends, acquaintances, etc. Something will pop! I know it sounds crazy, but some companies nowadays view it as an odd thing when someone works at a company for so long. Crazy, right?

I'm so sorry about your cat. It sounds like the cat had a great life and you were very compassionate at the end. And MLC or no MLC, I realized years ago that you can tell a lot about a person by how they treat animals and the waitstaff.

Hang in there!



3 kids
BD 12/15/13 (IDKIILY. )
Rope dropped Cirque du Soleil style
D final 9-9-14
"Some people are born on 3rd base and go through life thinking they hit a triple." Barry Switzer
Joined: Mar 2016
Posts: 169
B
Brubeck Offline OP
Member
OP Offline
Member
B
Joined: Mar 2016
Posts: 169
I splurged within one week and went to see 3 bands that I love for the first time. My closest friend E.D. came with for the third band. We had a great time. I just discovered yesterday that the CSO will be playing the entire score to Jaws at the end of this month. Jaws is my favorite film of all time. I scored a first row balcony seat for $50. I'm stoked.

Thank you 25yearsmlc, Gordie, Georgiabelle, peacetoday for the good wishes regarding my job hunt. I appreciate it. Unemployment was OK for a very short while, but being unemployed just feels like having another weekend day, but without my sons around.

9th job interview tomorrow. I've had 2 phone screenings with this company. The 2nd screening was with the person I would report to directly, so I was approved by him over the phone. I'm told I will be meeting the Operations Director, the staff, and take a tour of the facility.

I pray to God I get this. I'm getting nervous. My unemployment ends in 2 months. I have to take whatever I can get if I don't get a job by then. "It's always darkest before dawn", I'm told. I sure hope so. I am praying.

Dealing with unemployment and being a LBS is a serious blow to one's self-esteem. Sometimes it feels like the only affirmation I have is how much my sons trust me.

I read a lot of old threads and archives over the weekend. One recurring message from both LBS' and surviving MLCers was to not try and make sense of any of this. You cannot make out what's inside their head (they may not either) and you wouldn't want to anyhow. Stay away. Lay low. STFU smoothie as much as I can.

I avoid W at all costs and do everything possible to keep the boys out of her hair. When she does speak with me, she projects anger and/or annoyance with every sentence. Her face and voice always wear the blazing hot feeling of F**K YOU. She only seems content when she says she's leaving the house to go somewhere.

When she's forced to deal with the kids, or if I make a mistake somewhere regarding household stuff, I get spewing - Please do us both a favor and finish this divorce. I see no reason why I should pretend you are not here and parent all by myself. I'm still doing way more around here than her, what is she talking about?

I guess this is what gaslighting is, even if it's unintentional. The MLCer creates a crazy situation and inhabits it comfortably. The LBS sees the trainwreck unfolding and how calm the MLCer is about it and it makes them feel crazy.

Indeed, MLC ain't for the weak - even for the bystanders. It's hard to stomach this every day. This is an overflowing bucket of crazy.


M: 49, W: 45
T: 22 M: 15
S14, S11, S9
BD: Jan '16
W files: Oct '16
D final: June '18
Joined: Mar 2016
Posts: 169
B
Brubeck Offline OP
Member
OP Offline
Member
B
Joined: Mar 2016
Posts: 169
I got a job and I am back at work. I got hired by a huge national corporation for a position very similar to my last one. The pay is only 3% less and I'll be managing double the number of employees. This company put me through 4 interviews in one week. They had me in for the 4th interview only 24 hours after the 3rd interview...the COO happened to be in town and he wanted to meet me.

This feels weird. I worked for a "family" business for 21 years, and now I am at the total opposite end of the spectrum. Friends said working for a corporation is much less personable and there's less camaraderie involved but the benefits will be better. They are right so far.

Everyone asks me if I like it and how I feel about it. After 5 1/2 months of unemployment, I don't care. It's discouraging to submit your resume over 200 times out into the "black hole" and only receive 9 interviews. I'm glad I have a job.

I'm still getting my feet wet. 2 weeks and they're still working out problems with my e-mail account and the locker I applied for. The I.T. department is in Dallas and the H.R. department is in Seattle - I guess this is just how things run in the corporate world. I still can't believe I got my foot in here, though. I'm happy I did, because I didn't B.S. any of the people who interviewed me. I was myself, and I was genuine in explaining how I manage things and how I interact with employees and managers.

Everyone here is really nice. There is a bit of a clique vibe here, but nothing unpleasant. The environment is casual and accommodating.

I got the backyard pool assembled for the boys. They are pigs in slop. Of course, W acknowledged none of this. She's too busy planning her 40th birthday party. I am expecting her to tell me she's leaving the country for a 3-day weekend, but so far it looks like all she can get her friends to agree on is a pub crawl...real friends & MLC friends alike have been invited.

The only recent conversation of note was W was in the middle of one of her "this house is always dirty" spews. She came into the dining room where I was with all 3 boys and accused me of specifically waiting for her to mop the entire house before buying the boys watermelon. All my boys love watermelon and they make a mess of eating it. I was guilty of strategically buying watermelon to mess up the hardwood floors just after she mopped them. With both middle fingers aimed at me in front on the boys, she said "if that isn't a big F**k you to me then I don't know what is." I maintained eye contact and stayed silent. She ran out of steam and stormed off as usual. I guess the evil I embody to her runs so deep in me that I can make buying fresh fruit seem sinister.

All the recent legal garbage over the D has revealed that her lawyer is one unethical woman. I've also come to realize a lot of difficult things about her family via her MLC detachment from them. I'm going to post on all that later for myself.

Still feels like my life is in limbo. Focusing on the kids and the new job, but I am still struggling so hard to keep my mouth shut with monster spewing at random.


M: 49, W: 45
T: 22 M: 15
S14, S11, S9
BD: Jan '16
W files: Oct '16
D final: June '18
Joined: Sep 2016
Posts: 215
F
Member
Offline
Member
F
Joined: Sep 2016
Posts: 215
Congrats on the new job! I am so happy for you. It sounds like a wonderful opportunity! Way to go. It was a hard slog, but you got through it. Yay!!!

I really don't know what to say about the watermelon incident of the summer of 2017. I suppose it gives you a slight peek into the mind of the MLC'er. Everything we do gets twisted around to feed their justifications for what they are doing. We cannot do anything right. And giving you the double bird in front of the kids. Tsk, tsk on her.

Joined: Jun 2015
Posts: 6,119
Likes: 408
B
Member
Offline
Member
B
Joined: Jun 2015
Posts: 6,119
Likes: 408
congratulations on the new gig!
as for the rest, here is a lovely summer spew-proof poncho, good for repelling acid baths, spew, vomit and watermelon bits. It's from the CaliGuy Summer of Love collection smile

great job on the stuff smoothie. don't think i would have been able to remain silent. doing that in front of the kids would have sent me into a special place. not a good special place either, lol.

hang in there and keep the focus on what's important as you have been. xoxoxo


M 20+ T25+
S ~15.5 (BD)
BD 4/6/15
D 12/23/16

"Someone I loved once gave me
A box full of darkness.
It took me years to understand,
That this too, was a gift."
~ Mary Oliver
Page 9 of 11 1 2 7 8 9 10 11

Moderated by  Cadet, DnJ, job, Michele Weiner-Davis 

Link Copied to Clipboard