And you worked on DB the whole time? That seems like eternity. I am on such an emotional rollercoaster I don't know how I could last that long. My job is so emotionally draining teaching and coaching that I have very little left for myself. Although as I look back at the last 5 months I am amazed that I have been able to make it this far. I know I haven't been the best at my job but considering what I have been going through I don't hold it against myself. Its been good enough.
And you worked on DB the whole time? That seems like eternity.
DB'ing is all about making permanent changes to yourself. A lot of it, like listening and validating, I practice not just with my current GF but with my ex, my kids, my friends and coworkers, etc. That's what we keep saying around here is DB'ing isn't tricks and strategies, it's a re-training of yourself. It's changing what we did wrong and doing things better, and doing that for life.
Once you lose the fear and realize that you will be fine no matter what the outcome is things will completely change for you.
They key is to try to get a little better every day. Read relationship books, take cooking lessons etc.
My wife filed in April, maybe she changes her mind in the future maybe she doesn't either way I know I am going to be ok. If she does, then she has to earn me back. I couldn't say that 6 months ago but I can now.
If you have time ready "accrucy"'s threads. He has done extensive research on relationships and IMO all his posts are gold.
and then the follow up text ...sorry i shouldn't have said that. I apologize. I still have emotions, lots of them. Just trying to balance this tough situation.
During this separation she has not once sent me a text, email saying anything vulnerable. No drunk accidental text with emotions or thoughts. She has been so calculated its been impressive.
Chase, don't respond to that text, she's temp checking. Her decisions are going to be harder for her if she doesn't know how you will react to her choices, but that's ok, cause honestly you don't know how your going to react.
Be mysterious.
M - 9 1/2 years 5/5/16 - Bomb drop - 3 week EA 10/31/16 - We sold house 01/10/18 - D Finalized
I feel like the distance she is feeling from me is making all the emotions come up that she has tried to bottle up. It is hard to not rush to her side and tell her everything is going to be ok. I know she has to sit in this space with her emotions and I can't rescue her. I did that alot during our R. Always trying to make her feel validated and better about her struggles.
It has been a rough day today. Had activities going all day but it was hard to keep my mind off the situation. Had lots of mini break downs where some tears flowed. I am trying to just let myself have the emotions, let them come and then keep my head up.
W of course didn't reach out at all today except to schedule the time to pick up D in the morning.
I just feel this huge wave of emotions. I am frustrated she could send me a message saying she missed our friendship. She has been so cold and unkind to me most of this separation how does that even begin a friendship.
That small vulnerable moment where she let down and said she still having lots of emotions makes me want to go and be close to her and fix this.
Tomorrow I get to see her in the morning, and I have to muster all my courage and strength to be happy and fun and loving. It seems so awkward right now. She is playing the pursuit and distance game and I have to get off the carousel. I don't understand how this ever gets turned around. Sad
