Previous Thread
Next Thread
Print Thread
Page 5 of 11 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 10 11
Joined: Jul 2016
Posts: 1,065
C
Member
Offline
Member
C
Joined: Jul 2016
Posts: 1,065
Hey Sotto, just stopping by to say hi!

Shame about dancing attractive guy but good that you found out about the thing you don't like early on before investing too much time in him.

Not sunny here today. Torrential rain and high winds! June, gah!! X


Me - 47
H - 45
D-16
M - 6 years
Separated - May 16

Don't leave me behind can't you see me I'm shining... (Years & Years - 'Shine')
Joined: Oct 2014
Posts: 5,301
S
Sotto Offline OP
Member
OP Offline
Member
S
Joined: Oct 2014
Posts: 5,301
Well, it has been a little while, so time for an update I guess. I find myself drifting away from the forum a little. I do still read along from time to time, but at one time, the forum was part of my daily life, and now less so. Not in a bad way, but life has just been really busy.

My work project has reached a milestone day today - hurrah!! The next couple of weeks, we are building up to a big launch and then (hopefully) things we be a bit more settled. I feel I have been working at full tilt since March, so some normality will be nice. Our project affects everyone in the company, and people are rather unsettled and trying to adapt to the change. Our team are trying to reassure, whilst dealing with a greater pile of uncertainty ourselves. Still, we've retained our sense of humour and I'm looking forward to champagne.

I had to take a little break from the bookstore, due to my schedule, but I'll get back there soon. Still dancing and singing though, and going out with my divorce group chums tonight. As for attractive dancing guy in my class - I feel disappointed and relieved with how that turned out. He seemed pretty interested and then I didn't manage to go for a couple of weeks, after which he seems to have struck up an (innappropriately close) friendship with a very unhappily married woman in our class. I always felt he was probably unsuitable, and so it was probably a lucky break - because I felt attracted, but at the same time knew there were some significant red flags.

I guess I had to go through the disappointment to get to that. Still, I didn't embarrass myself greatly and it never progressed beyond a flirtatious friendship. I did feel 'triggered' though - ie: by liking him and him switching attention to someone else. Some painful feelings did surface - but only for a day or so. I soon bounced back, which is good. I think if you have to start DBing someone before you even go out with them - it's a bad sign!!!

It did lead me to question - am I just attracted to unsuitable, uninterested, unavailable men? There are other guys, who I sense would be interested if I chose to open that door, but I don't feel attracted...hmm. It may just still be early days post divorce. So, I'm focusing on getting grounded again - back to practicing gratitude, enjoying friends, family, dancing, singing - and generally trying to live an authentic life.

Still working on the self-development and I think it is always good to have these activities going on. There is always much to learn. I find that I get the theory, but faced with difficult situations my default is 'nice girl.' Boundaries are still a work in progress, though I feel I am more aware of these, and have improved.

On the property front, I'm still waiting to complete on my second place. It has been so slow! But I hope to be in during July and I'll enjoy cosying it up and having a nice pied a terre close to work.

As for XH (nearly forgot to mention him - oops!) I hear nothing of him at all, which suits me well. However, SS and I are in regular touch. We've just arranged a get together - SS and his Mum, me and some family friends from when we were M. It's funny, but XH's XW has filled the 'slot' he used to be in for these get togethers. Interesting how things turn out - eh?

Anyway - hugs and best wishes to you all from '3 years on' and 'saved myself' me. Xxx


T 13 M 7
Me 48 H 46
SS 15
BD 7.14 PA
D final 5.16 (H filed)

We receive & we lose, and must try to achieve gratitude & embrace with whole hearts whatever of life that remains after the losses - Dubus
Joined: Oct 2014
Posts: 284
W
Member
Offline
Member
W
Joined: Oct 2014
Posts: 284
I had thought how you were doing as I was reading back through my thread. Your life is getting more fun from what you have described. And not posting is normal I suppose. Take care!


Me: 43, W: 43
M: 16, T: 18
D - 7, D - 7
ILUB: 26 August 2014
Still living together
Joined: Oct 2014
Posts: 5,301
S
Sotto Offline OP
Member
OP Offline
Member
S
Joined: Oct 2014
Posts: 5,301
Thanks WillDo :-)

I meant to post one further thing...

I have a friend with whom I swap interesting personal development bits & bobs.

She sent me a link to an article recently on happiness, which I have thought about a lot since reading. It said to focus on three key areas:

Self esteem, regard, love - realising that you are whole and 'enough' just as you are...

Relationships with those around you - family, kids, friends, colleagues, neighbours, a partner if you have one

Having activities and occupation in life that genuinely brings satisfaction, enjoyment, meaning, purpose, a sense of flow...

I think - looking at the concept of 'saving yourself' these are good areas of focus to have & hope this helps someone.

Xx


T 13 M 7
Me 48 H 46
SS 15
BD 7.14 PA
D final 5.16 (H filed)

We receive & we lose, and must try to achieve gratitude & embrace with whole hearts whatever of life that remains after the losses - Dubus
Joined: Sep 2014
Posts: 2,227
R
Member
Offline
Member
R
Joined: Sep 2014
Posts: 2,227
Hi Sotto, as usual, you sound positive and while attractive guy didnt pan out , its hos loss. Hope the property finalises soon and the property portfolio continues to expand.

Take care Rd500

Joined: Jan 2014
Posts: 1,447
M
Member
Offline
Member
M
Joined: Jan 2014
Posts: 1,447
Hey Sotto. I am happy to hear you are staying busy and doing well. Look at you, getting yourself out there!

"Realizing you are whole and enough just as you are" I love that.

Keep that in mind, as you are meeting new people and exploring new friendships. Some may become a disappointment, but it may help you to learn some new things about yourself. You are already questioning what you find yourself attracted to, and I can totally relate to this. And you caught on before investing too much.

You are a new, stronger, wiser person now. It shows so much in your posts and I have always admired you.

Big hugs
M


Me 48 H 46 S 11
M 2004
BD 8/13
H moved out 2/15
-live in the present, enjoy the beauty around and within you, explore your new future-
Joined: Oct 2014
Posts: 5,301
S
Sotto Offline OP
Member
OP Offline
Member
S
Joined: Oct 2014
Posts: 5,301
MLeigh- thank you - that means a lot coming from you! And RD, thanks for your kind comments and for checking in on me - you are a stalwart friend smile

I was out with a friend last night. She and I have known each other for a couple of years, so we met 9 months or so after BD. Last night she said to me that the way I talk about my 'situation' now is dramatically different to a couple of years ago when we first became friends. She said that then, the devastation was clear and me emotions were very close to the surface when we discussed it. Now, she said it seems very much behind me. I must admit, it was nice to hear.

I do actually think I am reaching the point where I may not think of XH for a whole day - and may not realise I haven't thought of him either. I would never have thought that possible - so any newcomers may want to hear and take heart from that..I really, truly do not think that much about the situation any more.

I guess my marriage was shorter than many and we didn't have kids together either, so maybe that helps the healing. But in honesty I think the biggest things are working through the emotional maelstrom and realising 'I am enough' regardless of how things unfolded in my marriage. Also, realising that his stuff is his and not mine to own. And letting go of OW's part too. If a guy is so inclined, there will always be someone out there 'in such a place emotionally' themselves and willing to get involved.

Also GAL - really truly for you is so central and that is why it is pushed so much on this site. And gratitude, and those things in your life that ARE still there - enjoying and making the most of them. My friend asked me last night if I would OLD - and I said not just now - I don't really feel like doing it. At the moment, friends, dancing, singing, family, work and other social things are enough and I am happy.

We reached a milestone event in the big work project this month, which was great - but at times I have been bone weary with it. There is still much to do but we reached second base yay!! Also on the brink of getting my second place and looking forward to COMFORT when I'm working away - some decorating for me and my chum from last night kindly offered to help, which is kind..

Anyway folks - relax, enjoy the weekend and all that life has to offer. When I first posted, people raved on about how much this site had helped them and how central it was to their recovery.....I have become one of them!!

Xxxx


T 13 M 7
Me 48 H 46
SS 15
BD 7.14 PA
D final 5.16 (H filed)

We receive & we lose, and must try to achieve gratitude & embrace with whole hearts whatever of life that remains after the losses - Dubus
Joined: Sep 2014
Posts: 2,227
R
Member
Offline
Member
R
Joined: Sep 2014
Posts: 2,227
Hi Sotto , im sitting here with D13 and we are watching Ninja Warrior amd i saw your post. Your friend is right, you talk less about Exh every time you post as well. I dont rhink tje length of rhe M matters but maybe the lack of children does help with NC and in turn aid recovery. You are an example to many with your GAL and positive attitude even when things got tough.

Im not sure newcomers really want to hear there is life after M when they first come on here but regardless its good to know that happiness is there when we are ready. Feeling unworthy is part and parcel when youve been rejected like we were BUT its a feeling and we are all worthy of love. Im now seeing a beautiful , inteeligent , funny lady and im happy. Would i have chosen this path , no BUT im happy , life is good. DB is a process and the best road for any one who finds themselves here is to follow the road map set out here and the wise advice from the vets.
Again Sotto , your an example to us all.

Take care Rd xx

Joined: Jun 2015
Posts: 6,119
Likes: 408
B
Member
Offline
Member
B
Joined: Jun 2015
Posts: 6,119
Likes: 408
Hi Sotto,
As always, wise words and hope in your posts. RD is right: you are a wonderful example of how to thrive post BD in a graceful, compassionate, authentic way.

RD, congratulations on your well-deserved and hard-earned happiness. xoxoxoxo


M 20+ T25+
S ~15.5 (BD)
BD 4/6/15
D 12/23/16

"Someone I loved once gave me
A box full of darkness.
It took me years to understand,
That this too, was a gift."
~ Mary Oliver
Joined: Oct 2014
Posts: 5,301
S
Sotto Offline OP
Member
OP Offline
Member
S
Joined: Oct 2014
Posts: 5,301
Thank you so much to you both! I just wanted to drop in and let you know that I met an attractive guy at an event last week. We chatted for a while and he asked if he might give me his number. I said yes and we've texted a little this week and arranged to go out for a quick drink at the weekend....my first date in fifteen years or so I think!

He seems like a decent and honest guy and comfortable with himself. Plus a nice joie de vivre too. He has been single for a few years too.....wish me luck :-) xx


T 13 M 7
Me 48 H 46
SS 15
BD 7.14 PA
D final 5.16 (H filed)

We receive & we lose, and must try to achieve gratitude & embrace with whole hearts whatever of life that remains after the losses - Dubus
Page 5 of 11 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 10 11

Moderated by  Cadet, DnJ, job, Michele Weiner-Davis 

Link Copied to Clipboard