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OwnIt #2751222 07/15/17 02:44 AM
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Oh OwnIt.....I'm so sorry to hear you're feeling so down at the moment. Please be careful incase it develops into depression. As you know, that's why I walk so much, to stave that off.

It's not nice here today.....rain and fog frown

We are still doing small talk and I've been thinking and reaching the conclusion that H will never initiate R talks in the way I want him to. I have to remember that he doesn't know about this site and DB and that what I'm doing by 180, NC etc is learned and deliberate.

H is H and has has never been the type to talk and open up. He may be different to who he was but he's not going to change into another person, and thinking back to him saying what has happened to me has finally made him realise wtf has he done and that he feels that one day he will wake up and be home, WAS H initiating talks (in his way) but I didn't realise it at the time.

In fact in answer to the dream statement, I should have said "well, only you can do something about that" but instead I came out with, "what, like Bobby Ewing in Dallas?!" An I didn't say anything at all about the first statement, just sat there looking at him.

Anyway.....after having a few wines the other night I emailed him asking when are we going to talk about the elephant in the room? His answer? Which elephant is that. I answered, our situation. Ok was his reply.

H ordered a new toilet flush in the week and he asked me to let him know when it came and it came today. So after he had fitted it I said I thought it was time that we talked.

And we did....I told him that my position hadn't changed and that I took my vows seriously and they still stand. He told me that even though he said IDLYA he does, but did feel it at that time. He said he doesn't know what is on my mind and as I look like I'm absolutely fine, probably didn't need him or want him in my life, so didn't want to initiate talking about our R.

He suggested staying at his parents house (ten mins away)for a few weeks while we see each other more and do more things together as he felt just moving back was too much for me.

I agreed and told him I was going to suggest the same. I also told him he has to delete that woman from his life and phone etc before I could even think about going any further. He said that was no problem as the relationship hadn't developed into anything.

So, I know that my circumstances are unique to this board, but he did tell me that he had wanted an excuse to make contact with a view to reconciliation but didn't know how. The cancer gave him the perfect excuse to do so.

He said he is battling with what he has done to me.....lets see what happens.

Westo #2751223 07/15/17 02:45 AM
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I have to add that I had drafted the first half of the above post prior to H calling today. So the second half is the update!

Westo #2751225 07/15/17 02:59 AM
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Good news!!! Xoxoxo more later - reading on phone at hair salon xo

bttrfly #2751230 07/15/17 03:20 AM
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Westo,

What great news and how smart of him to know that he can't move from there to you. I hope that he is prepared to put in some work on himself and the relationship to ensure its success moving forward. Its so wonderful to hear some good news.

OwnIt #2751233 07/15/17 03:34 AM
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Hi Bttrfly....laughing at the thought of you in the hairdressers!

Yes, I agree OwnIt.....I'm glad he has the respect for me to realise he can't just move back like that.

Yes, he is prepared to do the work. I told him it will be the toughest thing we have ever had to do, but we have the opportunity to make our marriage the best it's ever been, and not many get that chance.

This board has been a Godsend and I believe if you really do GAL and take the opportunity to go on this very difficult journey, it will reap its rewards......reconciliation or not.

Grab it!

Westo #2751236 07/15/17 03:40 AM
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Forgot to say, I'm healing well. Got another bone scan on 27th and my radiotherapy meeting on 6th August.

Been on the the hormone drug for two weeks now with no side effects but have read that it takes six weeks for those if any to kick in.

Westo #2751238 07/15/17 04:45 AM
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I'm glad to read that you are healing well. Maybe you'll be the lucky one and not have any side effects from the hormone drug...let's pray that you are the lucky one.

As for your h, yep, he's got a lot of hard work and this is an opportunity to create a brand new marriage. Dig deeper for patience and keep those expectations very, very low and things will be okay.

Take care of yourself.


Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to.
The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
job #2751256 07/15/17 08:22 AM
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Hey Westo, gosh your post gave me goosebumps! So glad that your H is stepping up to the plate!

I think it's also great that you recognise that your H hasn't sought out tools like this site to help him so he will probably need a bit of guidance and nudging from time to time! It's also interesting to hear that he wanted to explore reconciliation but didn't know how to. I wonder if all WAS's feel like this even though they know we want them back?

Glad you are also healing well. Sounds like both physically and spiritually. Really looking forward to seeing your updates.. Big cwutch! X


Me - 47
H - 45
D-16
M - 6 years
Separated - May 16

Don't leave me behind can't you see me I'm shining... (Years & Years - 'Shine')
Coly23 #2751313 07/16/17 06:18 AM
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Westo Offline OP
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Thanks Job and Coly for stopping by,

It was a strange talk really. I mean, I love him and I alway knew he still loves me. But, as he told me, he felt at the time he didn't.

We have been together so long...we aren't kids and what happened yesterday when we talked was exactly what Jack 3 beans said, and I quote.....

"In my experience the path back for the MLCer is NOT preceded by something amazingly wonderful like a statement of love, but a whisper of doubt".

Wise man.

Westo #2752203 07/20/17 07:10 AM
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Ok, here goes.......

I know the advice is to keep expectations to zero, but that is nigh on impossible.

Anyway I haven't seen H since Saturday but he did email me to say he would call yesterday. However, I received a message on FB from a colleague from a local holiday park I worked at for twenty years on Tuesday saying he saw H there that day putting trash out and then pushing a woman in a wheelchair.

I asked if he was sure and he replied saying yes, but he hardly recognised him as he had gained so much weight.

So, I received an email from H saying he had been called into work and wouldn't be calling after all. So I phoned him....he picked up and I asked him about the sighting......he said yes, he was there, the OW mother is there on holiday and he dropped OW off and will be picking her up either today or tomorrow.

He didn't see a problem! Well.....sorry to say there were no STFU smoothies available and I let rip. I went against everything I've read on here and reverted to the original me.

I may have sent him back in the tunnel, but right now, I don't really care........

I am still livid, he emailed me saying he will call tomorrow (if his van passes the MOT) and said he doesn't want me to phone him late in the evening.

That's because I'm pissed with wine.....

This is hard and I know it's just the beginning IF I want to go further.

I don't know right now if I do.....

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