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Westo #2746938 06/15/17 05:47 AM
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Westo, I'm there with you (married 25 years). These are all great signs from him and a real conversation with real answers has to feel pretty amazing right now. Hopefully nothing will scare him off again.

Westo #2746940 06/15/17 06:00 AM
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Hey Westo, hope your recovery is going well.

I hope your H's words turn into some action although it sounds like he IS saying all the right things we all know words mean nothing!! Big cwtch to you Westo! X


Me - 47
H - 45
D-16
M - 6 years
Separated - May 16

Don't leave me behind can't you see me I'm shining... (Years & Years - 'Shine')
Coly23 #2746943 06/15/17 06:14 AM
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Aww thank you OwnIt and Coly,

I can't think of anything to frighten him off again. I have no more questions. I don't want to know anything else.

I'm sure he feels comfortable coming here now. I'm in a great place, it's a win win for me. I have learned that I don't need him and if he wants to be in my life again....he needs to put in the work.

If there is a R further down the line, then I will have to do the work too.

Westo #2746952 06/15/17 06:55 AM
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Hi Westo, glad to read you and your H are getting along better. I also have some reservations...as do you from what you post.

I would certainly still see things as very much up in the air just now - I notice you are posting 'will' instead of 'would' - as though a reconciliation would happen. I think it is very early days...could even be a peek out and pop back in - too soon to tell..

I would suggest not even considering anything more than a friendship unless your H demonstrates consistent behaviour for a good period of time - ie: many months.

Also, have a think about your own non-negotiables. I don't think you get to dash out of someone's life in the way your (and my XH) did - and waltz back in. I think our MLCer needs to have learned some significant stuff and done some digging (ideally with IC support.) I don't think (when OW has been involved) wooing you is enough - JMHO of course. Of course it's up to him if he chooses to seek that support - but it's also up to you whether you choose to re-start a R with him and when..

What's the status with OW may I ask? Is she completely out of the picture at this point?

And finally, I would very much carry on with your own life and plans - perhaps making time (should he ask) to see him once or twice a week....

Above all else - keep measured and steady in yourself..and best of luck!! Xx


T 13 M 7
Me 48 H 46
SS 15
BD 7.14 PA
D final 5.16 (H filed)

We receive & we lose, and must try to achieve gratitude & embrace with whole hearts whatever of life that remains after the losses - Dubus
Sotto #2747316 06/18/17 08:01 AM
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Hi Sotto,

I agree with all you have posted. Nothing is going to happen while he is 'lodging' in OW house.

I think of it like this......it took him months, actually two years to detach from me and our home.

If he seriously wants a reconciliation, then I can expect months for him to detach from her and her house.

In reverse, so to speak. But please understand that I don't expect anything. My focus is on me and my treatment and recovery right now.

HE will have to do all the work if he wants reconciliation.....I'm just sitting here all pretty.

Hair done, fake tan, make up, jewellery, lovely clothes and underwear, smelling gorgeous.......

I will say, and I know I shouldn't because I will be accused of thinking for him. But you don't go through all this and reach the age of 56 on the 24th of this month without some wisdom and women's intuition.

He eminates every time we interact in his eyes....'that's my wife'.

I feel it in my heart and soul. And if I'm completely wrong, I really am not bothered!

Westo #2747325 06/18/17 09:08 AM
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You go Westo!!

OwnIt #2748059 06/22/17 11:19 PM
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It's my birthday tomorrow, and I've just received the best present ever.

My lymph nodes are clear!

Westo #2748118 06/23/17 04:28 AM
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Well, since our wedding convo last week H seems to be different.

He's called twice since but seems agitated and doesn't stay long. He drinks his tea, then goes to the kitchen to rinse his cup, sits for a bit then up again.....

No hug the last two visits. My question to job is this....do you think he wants me to play the dance?

I doubt he's gone from "what the f**k have I done" to changing his mind in a week......

My gut feeling is....he wants me to pursue again. I will not!

Westo #2748119 06/23/17 04:29 AM
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Oh, and he's gained even more weight in the last week......

Westo #2748120 06/23/17 04:44 AM
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So glad to read the good news! I'm sure you are breathing a sign of relief.

As for your h, he's been doing a touch and go and now he's trying to figure out how to distance himself again, as he came too close. Don't pursue him...leave him be.


Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to.
The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
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