WW won't separate

[resolut]

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http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2737264&page=1

[resolut]

Thanks, 25

I think if the truth were told right now, the next level of detaching is what I'm having trouble with. I'm being honest with myself about that. It is very tough to keep detaching while she lives with me. If I go extreme with it then she's just going to resent me.

I'm staying most focused on me and doing things that make ME happy. And yes you are right being there for my kids is the #1 thing making me happy right now. We're two weeks away from taking an awesome vacation and being without my WW for several days.

[resolut]

Somehow I managed to climb out of a phase of depression I was carrying. I just sort of ran through it not expecting it to last but bewildered as to why I felt stuck. I'm back to feeling stronger and working on moving on from my WW. I've been reading a few good books and also keeping up the running.

Still no movement on her getting off cell plan.

I have a lot of things keeping me busy right now and quite a few events with the kids so it keeps my mind off the elephant in the room.

I've also read a few people's stories on here and have been very moved by what others have gone through and the strength it took them to persevere and heal. There are some amazing people on this forum.

[resolut]

I am in a big struggle right now to force myself to ignore something that could be a positive sign from my W. I know in my head that I should pay this no attention. This time right now above all I need to practice detaching and focus only on GAL. This is killing me though.

[Tread]

resolut,

Glad that you managed to get yourself out of this depression. If your W gave you a possible positive sign. Don't act on it, just exam and determine if this is your W given you some kind of bread crumb to making this work or possible manipulation? But keep with the detaching and GAL. Trust me, I understand first hand how it feels to grab for anything that resembles hope. Just stay strong.

[resolut]

Tread,

She's definitely not throwing a breadcrumb. I just have some small hope that something has changed with the OM. I know I need to ignore it and move on. I am trying.

It seems like I often get my hopes up that the weekend will be easier but in reality it is always harder. I guess it is because I'm with her a lot more on the weekends.

The more that I'm living through this the more I'm seeing how delusional she is about criticizing me and our past MR. She has her own version of history right now and it is sad.

I read chris73's story like many have suggested and it was helpful to me.

[resolut]

Well what I thought might be a positive sign turned out to be negative. Very negative. It is more evidence that my wife is making choices to move further and further away from me and be with OM. I just don't want to be with her any more after her decisions and behavior.

Thankful that I have this place I can come to and know that I am understood. I need to keep with more positive decisions for me and my kids.

[leahsue]

Hang in there, Resolut. This whole thing just bites. I'm so sorry you got more bad news. Tomorrow is a new day. Just keep being a great dad. You can do this!

[resolut]

Thanks Leah. I am counting down the days until next week when I'll be on vacation with the kids and without her.

She did respect my wishes on a boundary of getting her own cell plan. Its a relief that I don't have to see all of that and its no longer there as a temptation to track her activity

I've been trying lots of validating and affirming in my conversations with her. Not that I'm trying to win her back but just for my own sanity. As she sinks deeper into this she's just not a happy person and I don't enjoy being around her most of the time. There are still these feelings of wanting to share something with her or walk into the house and sit down next to her like I always did but of course I just stop myself. Its hard to shake old feelings of familiarity. More and more I am just evicting my feelings for her.

[resolut]

Ugh today has been difficult. Had a long car ride and event with my W and youngest D. W was negative about a few things and her mood brought down the whole event for me. I then started to have a lot of anger about she's just totally let me down with the whole affair. Detaching is just incredibly hard when I'm spending a lot of time with her and family stuff. One of her complaints about me before the BD was that I had too much negativity in the R. Now that I'm aware of it and actively working on it her negativity is getting to me. She's just not the woman I used to love.

I finally was able to get away and go do some stuff on my own with friends. What a relief. I'm still focusing on myself and detaching from her and not being under her influence. But like I said it's such a challenge because of living with her and all of the family events.