A little background, We've been together for 5 years been married for 2 1/2. About 2 years ago we started the process of IVF (I had Cancer in 2008) the 2nd attempt she was pregnant but miscarried at 7 weeks. In Feb of this year we tried a fourth time, she was pregnant with twins but again lost the babies at 10 weeks. We both were devastated holding each other and crying. about 10 days after that we were taking a shower and she brought up she wanted to lose some weight and she said 135lbs is what shes wanted to get to and I said (like a fool) oh ok I was thinking 130 she gave me a look and i said well you have gained 50lbs since we've been together. The next day she was very quiet sitting at the table so I asked her what was wrong she started crying and said I really hurt with that comment. I started to feel horrible and started to hold her and tell her how sorry I was and I didnt meant to up set her. a week later I sent her and email asking her if everything was ok cause the past couple days she hardly spoke to me. She then hit me with the I need space, I feel like your not attracted to me i feel you take me for granted. So again I started to apologies. that weekend she went to her folks on Sat morning and didnt get home till 10 that night. again very cold and not talking, so i asked her "do you not want to be around me anymore" She said no i dont and then started going into how shes not happy and thinks we arent connecting anymore, so I kinda got defensive and she didnt like that so she left and slept on the couch. I had a fishing trip planned with a buddy that monday I could tell she was very cold still and I said Im not gonna go but she said no you need to go. i asked if my buddy not go and she comes with me so we could get away and work on things and being very cold she said no i dont want do that. So respecting her wishes I reluctantly went. We texted some while i was there but all her responses were VERY short, i knew she was not happy. When I got home walking past her car I saw she had it packed full of stuff, I went inside and she said shes leaving and shes not coming back. I asked her if we could talk to a counselor she said no. i asked what I can do to change her mind she said nothin shes not in love with me anymore. The next few days I texted her several times explaining how badly I want this to work and im not giving up on her, a few times she replied how sorry she is about this. 2 days after she left I started reading and finally had an awaking realizing I had been neglecting her Love language for a while by not being and compassionate and intimate as i once was. So i told her my new found discovery and she said that is why but she feels its tto far gone and she has no hard feelings but she hopes we can be civil through this process. I was blown away about how quickly it felt it went from things going great to her leaving. She cam to the house 8 days after she left to "discuss where we go from here" she again said she wants a divorce and shes not in love with me and she doesn't want to try because shes been having resentment about my lack of compassion for about 2 years now. i told her I wasn't giving up and she said im waiting my time that she knows herself and she she feels this way she wont get the feeling back. I've been texting her everyday about what im willing to change and how I think of how right we are for each other. We NEVER fought we hardly ever argued during our entire relationship. She said she said something about my lack of intimacy ONE Time about 1 1/2 years ago and said I gave her the cold shoulder which I do remember but i figured the problem had gotten better cause nothing was said ever again. Im at a loss she does not respond to any text i send and shes dead set on this is over she said shes moving her stuff out next week and doesn't want me home when she does cause it would make it harder on her. Any advice on what i should do now? should I stop contacting her? Any chance she can still have a change of heart?
You may be on moderation now, post in small frequent replies and stay on this thread until you reach 100 posts (for your thread, you can also post on other peoples threads to give support). Especially on this Newcomers forum, where the posting activity is very active, and your posts can quickly fall to the bottom of the page or even several pages down. Keep journaling and asking questions - people will come! Most important - POST!
Get out and Get a Life (GAL). DETACH.
Believe none of what he or she says and half of what he/she does.
Have NO EXPECTATIONS.
Take care of yourself, breathe, eat, sleep, exercise.
Take the parts of this advice that you need and don't worry if I have repeated something that you have already done.
Here are a few links to threads that will help you immensely:
Sorry to hear what your going through. You need to stop texting and calling immediately. That's just going to push your W farther away. Only do so when you absolutely need to. I'm going to be honest when I say I believe your W maybe having an A. Nobody just ups and leaves over one comment. If she claims to want space, then let her have it. And focus on yourself. You too have lost children and should focus on getting through that. Trust me when you stop calling your W will suddenly wonder why and will come to you. Get counselling and GAL, trust me it does wonders.
Hi Stunned, Sorry for the circumstances that brought you here, but glad you've found a safe place here. There are lots of very wise veterans on this site. Post often and you'll get more feedback, plus it will help keep your posts toward the front of the board. Also, read others' threads. Lots to learn from other people's triumphs as well as our mistakes! Hang in there!
M-60 H-51 M-14 years BD 12/26/16 S 1/1/17
"First the pain, then the rising." Glennon Doyle Melton
It's hard to believe she might be having an A just for the fact she just miscarried a month ago. She moved back To her folks house and her step mom and basically saying to her if you're not happy don't stay, so she has plenty of support with her family to justify her leaving.
Another thing I find odd, the day after she left I was texting her just a simple goodnight text and she said goodnight as well and than said she's really sorry for all of this. That REALLY thru me off. She's said that a few different times and also said she has no hard feelings?? Really? No hard feelings??
Oh no. I'm so sorry for your situation. My only advice. Listen to the veterans in here. They know what they are talking about. And take care of yourself. I sending you hugs.
It's hard to believe she might be having an A just for the fact she just miscarried a month ago.
Do you know what happens to a woman after a miscarriage?
This is not hard to believe at all. She likely feels incredibly depressed, hormonally horrible and very guilty. Yes giving her space is likely a very good idea.
