I've made it a point to save all the initial information proving there was A to begin with. Text/messages and even copies of the phone records every month since November 2016. I make it a point not to look at who's contacting her. But I save that staff just in case we end up in front of lawyers.
Alright everyone, just wondering how I should proceed from this point. Been doing well with my 180s and GAL. And my W has gone from demanding time alone to finding me and initiating conversations. And has shown signs of returning back to her old self.
Haven't really seen any signs of communication with OM. And my W is back to texting and emailing me at work or randomly throughout the day. Calling to talk, asking for advice. I'm back to being the first person she goes to for advice or whatever else. Just earlier she talked with me in the living room for two and half hours, while I listened. There has been no talk of BD in almost two months. But she hasn't mentioned wanting to work on the MR either.
So I'm wondering do I need to just stick with what I'm doing or try adding something else to the mix? Right now I feel like were great friends with benefits. Which has always been our foundation. We were good friends before we started dating. So it feels like were back at the beginning of our relationship. But I don't want to risk being stuck as friends either.
Wife hasn't mentioned getting a BD in months. And at the moment our MR seems too be in a holding pattern. I know that I am not supposed go bring up the relationship. But if W doesn't, then what? I could really use some advice. Especially from Sandi on this one.
Having a dilemma when it comes to 180s and pursuing. A 180 for me in my MR would actually be me giving my W more attention and affection. And trying to be more intimate. But in the thread in regards to pursuit. I'm supposed to not really give my W any attention. But to my W this would come off like business as usual. So action would someone in my sitch take? I want to get to the point where I can at least try to hold my W hand. But I don't want to push the issue. But were going on 6 months of no intimacy other than sex. And even that's starting to not be so frequent. Her issue in the MR was me not asking for sex more. But me asking for it more falls under pursuing.
Tread. It DOES seem you and I have some similarities. I am in the same boat as to being conflicted between detaching and showing more intimacy. My approach has been to let her guide the process. So when she is in tears and asks for these things I give her a hug. But it's incredibly hard.
And that's where the issue for me comes in. When my W clearly needs comforting, I'm there for her. But my W wanted me to take the lead more in the intimacy department. But now she just doesn't care. So my 180 is to initiate more intimacy. Which contradicts the advice given on the site. I don't want to attempt to rub her feet after a hard day at the office and get shut down. Which might end up setting my efforts back.
Just an update on my sitch. MR is still in a state of limbo in my eyes. About to hit 6 months since BB and haven't heard the word divorce since March. No signs of the OM in the picture at this point. If you read my last few post, I'm still trying to figure out how to proceed in regards to 180s and pursuing. Since in my eyes for my sitch they contradict each other.
So I decided to ask W if she wanted to go out to a local art gallery this evening. She said yes, but the problem is that she wanted to bring S13 as well. Not sure if that was her just wanting to include S13 since he's into art or just intentionally blocking the opportunity for me to get her alone?
Be careful trying to interpret her actions. You're likely to be wrong. You could ask her out for a drink? Then she couldn't invite your son.
What's the rush to make a move? Can you wait for her to pursue you? Then you would be more sure. Keep being you. Be the person she'd be a fool to pass up.
I feel for you in your situation. I'm very confused in mine right now. OM may be out of the picture but I cannot tell. I'm doing more waiting in limbo and trying to stay focused on me and my kids. When I allow myself to become obsessed with what my W is doing it just breeds pain within me.
Me46 W46 M25yrs T29yrs 4 children ILYBNILWY 1/30/17 PA confronted 3/6/17 Separated same house
