Aw, I feel for you. It is so sad right now. I'm afraid I'm finding myself doing the same kind of thinking. It'll never happen for me...it's going to happen!!!...it's not and never is going to happen. How do you get to where you're fulfilled, happy, ok, better-than-ok, either way? I guess by doing everything you're doing and honoring your feelings until they change? As feelings tend to do?
Adinva 51, S20, S18 M24 total 6/15/11-12/1/12 From IDLY to H moving out 9/15/15-3/7/17 From negotiating SA to final D at age 50 5/8/17-now: New relationship with an old friend __ Happiness is a warm puppy.
As is often the case, I can so relate with all of this G. It is something I very much fear happening to me as well. Is that perhaps partly why I'm love or at least R avoidant? Not saying or sure that I am but two Rs in 12 years would support my thoughts. Thing is, I really fear having what happened to you, happen to me.
The potential difference and something I'd like you to think about, is I'm on balance very happy with my life. There are down sides to not having someone but there are also all kinds of upsides. It is said that someone else should not make you happy and your life full. That should be the case already and someone else should just add to it. I think that fits for me yet I have felt that great feeling of meeting someone. I just do feel better so I relate. Yet, the way it should be for either of us is we already have a great, full and happy life - adding someone to it just makes it a bit better.
Yet, for me, is it worth the risk? I'm not over the moon happy but I'm doing pretty well. Do I want to really fall for someone and end up in the place you are? That's really scary. I've felt that deep pain and it [censored]. Yes, I got over it and I do know you will too. There just is no perfect answer is there? It's almost dam'd if you do... Dam'd if you don't.
Getting out and doing things really does help. I've had slow, boring weekends and then weekends like this one coming up where I have more things to do than time to do them. Try to stay busy and if you want to find someone new in the future, you likely will. Just as FF happened when you least expected it, it will happen again.
DonH Midwest Me 56 WAW-EXW 55 Met 11/95 / Married 5/00 Bomb 6/20/05 / She Filed on 6/2/06 / Divorced on 10/9/06 4 who'd qualify as GF since D & dated about 25 women since D
G, you mentioned that one day you hope to find someone who isn't "afraid" of the way you love. Do you think these last two guys were afraid or were they just being who they are? I'd guess the latter. I also relate to Don's above post. I just don't want to go through the sh*t again. My life is pretty good but a relationship needs to be something that enriches and compliments my life not something that takes it over. I look at friends who've started relationships and it takes so much of their energy and I'm still not sure what they have in common with this person who is taking up so much of their lives! In my case, my faith is a complication and finding someone of my denomination is not an easy task. We have a "culture" and set of traditions that don't fit well with non-Adventists. Sadly, I've seen people go that route and end up with their love interest either not respecting our ways or trying to get them to convert to whatever their faith may be. Who needs the crap! I enjoy grabbing my camera and just heading out to shoot whatever I want to shoot. I read when I want, go to the movies when I want, meet friends when I want and do my church activities. Am I lonely? Sometimes. There's something to be said for having someone who actually cares about your boring day lol. Anyway, what will be will be. So G, get through this one day at a time and see what's on the other side. With someone or without, life can still be good.
I confess, I wrote like 10 replies this weekend I erased them all.
I had a 3 day weekend without child. I spent most of my time completely unmotivated and reading a really good book. I went to 2 BBQ's and out to dinner with my friend one night. It takes me MUCH energy to get out, but I am glad when I do. I do feel a little more like myself. But if I am out too long, I start to sink back and I change a little and my friends noticed. And they hugged me. and whispered in my ear "F him, he lost a great woman" HAHA!
I went to my cousins last night and she asked me what was going on when we had a minute alone and I told her. it was actually one of the first times she expressed sincerety.
Having lots of alone time all weekend...... I cried. I felt the loss big time. The hole where he was. It was probably my first true chance to wallow in it. But, when I got too low, I lost myself in my book. So if reading is what gets me through when I am alone, reading it is. My friend and I took a trip the bookstore and I got some books.
I cycle through feeling the pain of how does one insert themselves into your life so deeply and then exit out via text and no contact thereafter? The way it went down haunts me. It felt so disrespectful to what we had, to me and my D. But it's the way he chose for it to happen. I wonder if he thinks about me or if this was all never real and he just erased me. There is no benefit in thinking of this, so when it comes across my mind I distract myself.
But like I said, it is more than just him being gone. It's a loss of whole lot more.
As far as being happy with or without someone? I think I have explained this before, and our views might differ. I will not be completely fulfilled without a partner. I never had one. I had a husband for the short term who treated me like crap, and other guys who walked away when things got serious. That has been my experience in relationships and love. Most of my life has been alone, where others have been in long term marriages that were at some point good. But, I do continue to try to fill my life up by myself.
Speaking my piece of crap exH. We went to the post office to do our D's passport. ExH was being his usual d!ckhed self, insulting me thinking it was funny. The guy doing our passport could see what as A he was being and kept standing up for me. I finally started biting back with witty remarks and every time I did, the guy would start cracking up.
My mistakes will haunt me for the rest of my life.
Back at work. Just trying to make it through eachday.
I do not think my heart is not meant to not have a partner and 40 more years until I die without one does not sit well with me.
That is a really long time, just saying. In 10 years you will likely not have a daughter in your home and in fact in 5 years when her hormones are really kicking in you will be glad for that change.
A lot is going to happen and I predict good things for you!
I do not think my heart is not meant to not have a partner and 40 more years until I die without one does not sit well with me.
That is a really long time, just saying. In 10 years you will likely not have a daughter in your home and in fact in 5 years when her hormones are really kicking in you will be glad for that change.
A lot is going to happen and I predict good things for you!
Thanks my friend! At 45 my D will be 18. In a few years, she will be doing more of her own thing. And maybe that will be my time. I'm going to keep a little faith.
This is a journal, a part of my morning routine when I don't want to start work quite yet. A place to empty out the things on my mind (even thought I never quite empty them out, unfortunately).
I had a rough night last night. I went kickboxing and destroyed the bag. I have a lot of anger bottled up in there I realize. There was an imaginary head on that bag last night.
I came home, made a nice dinner, watched a show with D9. Was scrolling on FB and I don't know what possessed me, maybe because I am a masochist, I looked at the posts from that girl. And there are all of his likes. She was on vacation and he likes almost everyone of her pictures. I couldn't even bring myself to check the profile selfie because I knew what I was going to see. So I ended up blocking him. The other girl who had a crush on him in vacationing in Ireland with these amazing pictures and not one single like.
He has been completely silent for almost 3 weeks. Not one "how are you" or ANYTHING to me. I've been around the block a few times. He has a distraction. I don't know if they are actually dating, but he is certainly trying to get her attention. It started almost immediately after he broke up with me.
I cannot handle this again. let alone with someone we knew, treated us rudely, flirted with him when she knew we were dating, and he had everything bad to say about. I feel like everything has been so disrespected. Any other girl I might be able to handle, although be sad, but this one....... it's devastating me.
So I tried to decide how I am going to keep myself sane. I decided to try to convince myself we had nothing real. Just 3 months of some companionship with a vacation thrown in. That I never loved him, it was just infatuation. That what we had was no big deal.
yeah, I am trying to rewrite history to make myself feel better. I am lying to myself but maybe that's what I have to do. I need to figure out how not to be hurt if this truly comes to fruition. I also tell myself she is sloppy seconds because he could have had her, but he chose me at the time. I also try to tell myself he is trying to slap the easiest band aid on the pain of losing me. I may delusional, but I do what I got to do.
The things I have experienced...... others would look to the outside, like him if I brought it up, and think I am psycho paranoid delusional basing this on what I see on FB. But my intuition and reading between the lines after all I have been through is sooooo strong. I have never been wrong. Never. This is a time I hope I am paranoid delusional, but I doubt it.
I found out from a mutual friend that his sister is back in the house with her son. so it's the parents, brother sister and grandkid. I am quite sure FF is busy and happy because he loves his nephew to death. So he's got his happy. The mutual friend thought that his sister would like me to reach out. I knew all about her sitch and divorce not through her, but I knew every detail through FF. I gave much advice to pass on and I felt like I was part of it. The one night he was so pissed at his sister and soon to be ex BIL, he had to get out of the house, and came to house fuming where I comforted him, listen to him actually say some awful stuff about his sister. I feel for all shes going to and want to reach out, but I don't want it to be received wrong, and it's probably not my place.
Tomorrow night I have an IC appt. Hopefully she could give me some pointers on how to keep my sanity if this is really true.
I beg God, the universe, whatever, every night before I go to bed to just give me a break. I have finally reached the "God only gives what you can handle" breaking point.
People have it much worse that me, I know. But my capacity has reached it's limit finally. I am not as strong as others. Maybe I was at one point, but no more. I know when to say "uncle" I know when to admit my defeat. I have zero shame in it. I need some divine intervention!
G, you loved and lost...that's painful. By moving on quickly some people just bury their feelings, it doesn't mean they don't have any...they just don't know how to handle them. Trust me, you're in a better place than someone who handles pain that way! I also can't imagine anyone in your sitch not checking out his FB page, likes etc. We'd all do it. Good to block him, better to unfriend him. Hang in there, thinkin' of you!
