The Fab 5 and Dad

[Vanilla]

I am pleased to see OFC being recommended, you may need to join her up and pay the fee as one off and send her the link. It may save you a lot of pain in the fullness of time.

I am very pleased to read about your anger, to me this marks the beginning of healing. From day one on the board I read the words of a remarkable man and father. A quite extraordinary gifted and loving person, in my eyes you are getting stronger.

Bringing up your sons is a full time job on its own without work and a difficult ex. I too am disappointed that WW has made little effort with her sons, although I confess with no surprise.

Much hugs and rainbows to you and the boys

Know I hold you in high esteem, for your grit and determination.


V

[dream]

I'm not surprised that she hasn't held up her end of the divorce agreement. She wasn't all that interested in parenting when this all began. When was the last time she saw the kids?

Hope all goes well at court next month.

I'm so glad that you changed your mind about moving to Canada.

[PsySara]

I am so frustrated reading about your wife's selfishness. I was in the ICU recently and missed my children terribly. I swear she has no soul.

[J5K]

Hi all,

Thank you for the words of encouragement. I am at a loss of what to say anymore about XW. Some days she is cordial through OFW others she is back to my interpretation of criticism.

S8 and S3 were in the hospital on two different occasions. I called XW immediately, also asked if she wanted to come down to help and she said no. That really bothered me. Luckily I was able to find sitters to watch the other boys while I was in the hospital with the two.

Both S7s continue to have behavior issues and the school has been great in supporting their needs. I finally have them back in therapy again. One of my S7s was suspended for a dangerous thing he did at school. When I spoke to him about his feelings I found out XW is kissing OM in front of the boys. This really bothers him. He opened up some more and expressed his feelings about visiting his mom. XW has also stayed with the boys at OMs house now instead of ex in laws. My ex FIL does not want them at the house. Apparently OM does not stay there overnight with the boys, which is at least something.

I also found out that XW bought the house in Canada. She has not moved in yet but has moved some things out of storage. The most frustrating thing for me now is that as we speak here and there through OFW, she continues to lie. Her tone through emails does not show any respect for me either.

XW did not notify me stated in the judgement on whether she will take the boys for the summer so I have started planning for an au pair. I will also need a part time sitter as these little guys are a handful. XW sends a request on specific dates that she would like the boys over the summer. I just stated that she lost her time with them based on the agreement and left (this was during one of the exchanges with the boys). She was very upset.

I want to be the nice guy and give her something, but I also can see the perspective of the tough love approach. At some point in time I wish I could just speak to her so we could discuss an alternative method so we both have access to the kids.

In the meantime, I have been doing fun things with them on weekends. We have our ups and downs each day which never leads to a dull moment and all 5 are unique in their own way. I continue to have a bit of hope that some day the family will be back together. For now I am good with the NC and only discussing the boys.

Somehow XW has still not managed to hit rock bottom as she has her OM and XMIL supporting her needs. Not mine to worry about though. She is the one missing out on the little things these guys do day to day.

Oh yeah, and she still has no job.

[Vanilla]

All I can say is what an amazing and loving father you are.

My rainbow strength to you and the boys

V

[J5K]

Hope everyone is doing well.

The motion was heard in court last week. XW has to pay child support now. More than what I thought. She has not paid any of the L fees or the extracurricular from the last time we were in court 2 months ago. Judge told her lawyer she has to pay.

The last couple of months have been rough. Boys have been seeing mom every two weeks and they have had a hard time adjusting. During this time she would call two or three times a week. Now with the new results she has only called once this past week since the last visit.

She and I also need to meet with a parenting coordinator to learn how to coparent better. I am sure I will learn things I am doing wrong and need to keep my feelings and emotions out of the discussions we have.

Both S7s continue on a rollercoaster ride due to the D. They are going to therapy weekly and are also attending pet therapy that a teacher is trying to implement in the school district. It seems to be helping.

Now I am looking for an au pair to help with things since XW only wants the boys one week each month over the summer. The judgement says different and I interpret it as all or nothing for summer parenting time. I guess we will see what the parenting coordinator says.

I know the boys miss their mom. I wish there is more I could do to fix things but know that is beyond my control. Still considering moving there, but we are still a long way from making that decision. In the meantime we will see what happens with the payments she now owes. I did find out that whatever laws are in the states are recipricol and can be enforced in Canada and vice versa. So there is no running away from her responsibility from a financial perspective since she made the choice to D.

[Ginger1]

You continue to amaze me and you are a wonderful father. I feel for your boys, but with your support, I know they will thrive.

in the second grade my daughter's school did a thing called "lunch buddies" once a week they would meet at recess. They were kids of parents of divorce. They talked open and freely about it. It helped my daughter so much. It really helped her to feel like she wasn't the only one and that her struggles with the situation were the same struggles other kids had. Perhaps you can suggest that to the school? it could help your kids and other kids as well.

[JujuB]

Hi J.

I have always read your situation with such heart ache, regarding what those children have had to go through.

I truly do not understand how it is possible that your wife is able to look in the mirror every day. I wonder the same of my ex, but for some reason it feels worse to me when it is a mom. What lies does she have to tell herself daily? I just do not understand and its hard not to judge someone that does not put their children first.

For me, I have chosen to just accept that this is all my ex is capable of offering and I stopped taking it personally. My anger at him for leaving, and for not being a good dad is subsiding. Its just not in him. Instead, I am just so grateful that I am given the opportunity to raise an amazing child the way I like.

My son is actually really cool with the situation. He actually told me he is happy because now when he visits his grandmother, his father takes him out. (My ex did not spend much time with him when we were together) He also was in a "banana splits group" with school and it was really helpful. I also make sure to never allow him to see me angry at his dad. I talk nicely of him but very minimally.

You have been a solid rock for your children. I am glad that things seem to be working out legally in your favor. I am glad that you have stood strong and acted in the children's best interest. You are doing great.

[dream]

Hope things are going well for you, J5K. I've missed reading your updates.

[J5K]

Hello all!

I know it has been a while since I have posted...the boys have kept me busy and there have been a few ups and downs over the last 6 months. I just wanted to say that we have our new normal now.

I think about all those who have supported me often, know that you are not forgotten. I hope to read more in the future and learn that everyone is living life with joy and happiness each day!