Gordie: One day at a time

[Gordie]

Bttrfly, thanks for the encouragement! I'm sure you have made more changes than you realize.

***

Weekly update: I decided to relax this week and take some of the pressure off myself in my d b efforts and being the super h and super dad. As Roist said, I needed some rest in my training or else risk burning out. A lot of the good changes I have made are now routine and no longer seem like work, including a lot of the housework and things I continue to do for W. W wanted me to take her out for an all day date on Saturday. We had a lot of fun and shared a meal together. I avoided any R talks and/or mind reading. W thanked me for such a fun time, told me she enjoyed spending the day with me, and we came home and engaged in some passionate love making.

[roist]

If the changes we make continue to be work, then we haven't chang d IMO. Some changes take longer to achieve and become ingrained.I am glad that many of your changes have become habits.

How was W for the rest of the week,before and after Saturday? Extra good days like Saturday will really help tip your W's view of you and your M. Enjoy and make the most of each occasion. You are sharing better moments that most lbs's here. That is great. Beats only having negative interactions for sure. Avoid reading too much into it though as until your W is out of crisis she could decide anything.

My reminders are not to dampen your parade. One day at a time, as you put it

[Gordie]

Roist,

Thanks for asking. So the big chage that happened after our all day date was that W moved back into the MBR. She said it was an experiment. She wants to see how it feels to her. I wasn't sure if it was a one night thing or not but we're almost at the end of the week and she is still there. She has been kinder and gentler and called me at least once a day while I am at work just to chat or give me a random update. That too is a change.

Is this just more distance and pursuit or a permanent turn for the better? Only time will tell but it sure does feel good. Trying to keep expectations low as she can change her mind and move back out. As a result, I'm going to keep doing what I'm doing. Let me know if you think I should be doing something different.

One day at a time. Carpe Diem!

[SBJ]

Gord, I will continue to pray for your situation. We all know that none of what they do makes any sense, but we can survive. I'm not giving up, but will either sign the D papers today or tomorrow. I will have to continue the fight from the other side.

God bless you and keep your faith.

[Gordie]

SBJ,

Thanks for the encouragement and good for you for not giving up...seems like the number who keep standing after d is quite small.

***

Weekly update:

W and I are still in the MBR together--almost two weeks now!

W has initiated spending more time together.

W held my hand in public which hasn't happened in months.

W initiated sex and she didn't distance herself the next day.

***

All good signs. Here's what I want: w to withdraw the d filing. Of course, I haven't told her that, so it's just out there. W has not mentioned d since March before she filed.

Any advice or just keep doing what I am doing?

[bttrfly]

keep doing what works. xoxoxo
keep expectations at zero.

[OwnIt]

Gordie,

You seem like you are in a good place. I wouldn't ask her to withdraw the divorce filing. Seems like that is a conclusion she needs to reach herself without feeling pressure. If nobody does anything on it should be dismissed (but talk to your lawyer) eventually. Keep up the great work!

[roist]

Let sleeping dogs lie. In the meantime enjoy the positive changes. Appreciate them.

Keep your guard up. Don't dwell on a downturn bit be aware it could come. If you don't keep your expectations low, a change in W could hurt you more than initial BD. Keep doing what you are doing, knowing the road is still uncertain. The only certainty is this will take a long time.

Best wishes

[Gordie]

Butterfly and Own it and Roist,

Thank you for the encouragement and reminder to keep my expectations at zero. My base case scenario needs to be this ends in divorce. As much as I don't want that to be, it's the highest probability outcome. And yes, the current positive vibe could cycle into another negative one at any moment. One day at a time.

Positive sign of note:

W has been touching me more outside of the bedroom.

[bttrfly]

two thumbs up xoxoxo