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Thanks, 25.

I didnt mean the end of the world, literally. It's just a pivotal moment in my life that scares the hell out of me.

Keep your brutal honesty coming, 25. It helps me re-frame some things in my mind when I start idealizing her and the relationship.

I know this is my big opportunity to make some changes in my life, for me. I will take advantage of that and I will keep trying my best.

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Originally Posted By: Thornton
Thanks, 25.

I didnt mean the end of the world, literally. It's just a pivotal moment in my life that scares the hell out of me.

What specifically is so terrifying? Dig deep.



Keep your brutal honesty coming, 25. It helps me re-frame some things in my mind when I start idealizing her and the relationship.

Thank GOD you're okay with it! Okay, so when I just read your signature block and see a 40 y/o man who has only been m for 5 years, two questions arise.

1) what was your life like before this relatively short m?

2) your 5 year marriage with 3 BD's shows me a glow in the dark glaring pattern that you seem a bit addicted to.

Do you think a part of you likes the drama/trauma she creates (and confuses it with passion)

OR is it what you got used to growing up...? Learned to accept rejection as par for the course?

I know this is my big opportunity to make some changes in my life, for me.

I will take advantage of that and I will keep trying my best.




Can you remove the word "Trying" in that last sentence and just do it?

Sometimes I get bogged down in wording but I also see significance to it.


M: 57 H: 60
M: 35 yrs
S30,D28,D19
H off to Alaska 2006
Recon 7/07- 8/08
*2016*
X = "ALASKA 2.0"
GROUND HOG DAY
I File D 10/16
OW
DIV 2/26/2018
X marries OW 5/2016

= CLOSURE 4 ME
Embrace the Change
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Thornton, you deserve a break. Do what YOU think is right and will make you happy. If you want a big heartfelt hug to be the last thing she remembers as she drives away, do it. If you want to stay away from her between now and then, do it. All this advice comes down to: you do what you want to do. It's your life. Que sera, sera.
Thinking of you...


11/4/15 W revealed EA/2 months later became PA with co-worker
Reconciling since late April 2016
Don't give up until it's time, then move on
Be patient, strong and kind but never a doormat
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Really good question and I've often pondered that maybe I'm caught up in the push/pull, hot/cold dynamic. Maybe I'm addicted to the honeymoon phase after a reconciliation??? I'm not sure to be honest.

Before this relationship I was in a 4 year long relationship with the woman I met after my first marriage ended. She was very emotionally absent. I would typically see her once a week. She was definately an avoidant. This relationship was mostly about sex, I believe. We were sexually compatible but not much beyond that.

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Looks like you have had some good advice today Thornton. I do shake my head at the immaturity of someone who will dump you (for the third time) make plans to move to another state and then say - I need you to chase me...and believe that may happen??

It is worth exploring your tendency to idealise your R with your ex GF. It certainly doesn't sound like a terribly healthy one - being together 5 years, her ending the R 3 times. This time just before you were going to get engaged. Then asking you to chase her..

I know it isn't easy but for sure I would let her go, work through the heartache, work on you! Don't rush into a new R - explore the dynamics of your previous two relationships and work on the bits where your own approach contributed negatively to the dynamic.

Also, truly absorb this message - I truly deserve better than to be walking around on eggshells wondering when my partner is next going to flake out...

Good luck for the next few days - and if in doubt ask yourself - what would Clint do....would he chase??

smile


T 13 M 7
Me 48 H 46
SS 15
BD 7.14 PA
D final 5.16 (H filed)

We receive & we lose, and must try to achieve gratitude & embrace with whole hearts whatever of life that remains after the losses - Dubus
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Sotto - as always, thanks for checking in! I truly value your input.

Clint would never chase and neither would James Bond!

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Thornton

just curious about something I may have missed.

Are you married to her?


M: 57 H: 60
M: 35 yrs
S30,D28,D19
H off to Alaska 2006
Recon 7/07- 8/08
*2016*
X = "ALASKA 2.0"
GROUND HOG DAY
I File D 10/16
OW
DIV 2/26/2018
X marries OW 5/2016

= CLOSURE 4 ME
Embrace the Change
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Posts: 2,799
Likes: 13
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No we are not married. I often refer to her as my w though.

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any reason you guys never married?


M: 57 H: 60
M: 35 yrs
S30,D28,D19
H off to Alaska 2006
Recon 7/07- 8/08
*2016*
X = "ALASKA 2.0"
GROUND HOG DAY
I File D 10/16
OW
DIV 2/26/2018
X marries OW 5/2016

= CLOSURE 4 ME
Embrace the Change
Joined: Nov 2013
Posts: 2,799
Likes: 13
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Honestly, everytime we got close, she bailed.

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