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Stood up? How crazy is it that being stood up might actually be a step up! At least to get stood up I'd have to have heard back from someone and made plans to meet! On the bright side, I've never been stood up. I've met I'd say 10 people in person from online - the majority of which was around 2007 through about 2011. I think my actual on line date was three years ago. I've not been online for at least a year now - might be closer to two. After my 0 for 50 run I pulled the plug and have not gone back.

I did find eHarmeny to take the most time and mist work. However the most serious people were there although at least the Simon I met were hell bent on finding a husband. A friend of mine had tried it so it was my first attempt - I think in 2007. ONTH he is married with three kids. Yes, he met his W on eHarmony.


DonH
Midwest
Me 56
WAW-EXW 55
Met 11/95 / Married 5/00
Bomb 6/20/05 / She Filed on 6/2/06 / Divorced on 10/9/06
4 who'd qualify as GF since D & dated about 25 women since D
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25 this is a great topic!

(Soon, I am going to set up an OLD account somewhere as well. So weird to date this way, because they really were just starting, back when I was single)

I have been lurking on a made up account and here are some of the things that bother me from male posters....

1. When they complain about women not matching their photos, or make comments about weight. This is a total turn off and makes me think they are very shallow. I do understand its important not to misrepresent oneself. But at the same time, a guy that complains about it on his profile is a red flag for me. (I would have been annoyed with that request to send more pics as well) Guys (and woman) that complain on their profiles in general are red flags for me. Like if they, "please know the difference between their and there". Ugh. It does not make me think they are smart or funny... Just arrogant. (I recognize I am complaining right now smile )


2. When they do not have children, yet post pics of themselves with children. Personally, I shudder at the thought of seeing my child's pic on someone's match profile. I am wondering if they actually got permission? It also misrepresents, as I would like to meet a guy that has small children. Not a guy that poses with other peoples kids so that potential dates think he is sensitive, or looking to settle down.

3. When guys post pics with their arms around other women. Come on. Cant they just use another photo? Unless they label it as "me and sister"

4. I like the posts where guys show they are funny with a joke or sarcasm as opposed to just writing down "I am hilarious lol" which seems to be really common. One guy wrote "I look better in person then in pics...at least that's what my mom tells me" and I thought that was really cute.

Any suggestions out there for us females?


P.S. I think a few back and forth exchanges first makes sense if you want to feel safe. But it is easy to develop a sense of intimacy or safety with someone via writing, that does not actually exist.


M: 42
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Twins age 5
WAH in summer
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Well these are all good points.

Strangely, I swing from one extreme to the other , which may not bode well for how 'ready" I am to date.

This weekend I've holed up with weird deep feelings of rejection. Like HOW can h really want all this wreckage and financial ruin? How can he do this to me/the kids?, etc.

(Actually h probably sees no financial ruin due to his real plans NOT to retire as he says, and the big bucks and yada yada,

but still, this costs us both a fortune. Then again, OW has a "successful business" and I guess makes money and ta dah....all is well.

And h probably sees no damage to his r's with the kids b/c either the damage is already done so H may as well be all happy,

or he can postpone thinking about all that b/c later, "things will work out" when the kids see the riches or that h is SO HAPPY, or they just come around,

or maybe h and others like him just don't go there at all.

ON THE OTHER HAND

I feel like meeting a nice normal guy for a drink (coffee is also possible) and talk, would be lovely (or hilariously boring) but then see where it goes.

Guys, other than the serial killers out there (mostly kidding DonH)

tell me, what I'm really risking - ASSUMING I protect my heart? (Okay you may be asking, "that's nice 25, just 'protect' your heart, yeah, good luck")

But it's kind of Hard to believe I can be deeply hurt again.

Then again, the ego could use a boost, not a bruise.

Dang, it's been a rough year people. I know I do not "need" a man to be complete. I know this.

Frankly, the idea of someone moving in with me now that I'm finally living alone for the first time in my life, is not appealing. Nor is a needy guy who is high maintenance...

I think it's the idea, however premature, of an endless life/future of being the "single aunt, the 'divorced one', that seems dreadfully unappealing. I don't want my kids to worry about me, I want them to see me healed and well and at peace.

I think they want to see me in a R, - (I know at least 2 of the 3 say they want that)

Geez at times this seems like a sh1tstorm & that I'm looking for a rescue.

Other times I feel strong and competent, wounded but a little liberated -

what's up with that?


M: 57 H: 60
M: 35 yrs
S30,D28,D19
H off to Alaska 2006
Recon 7/07- 8/08
*2016*
X = "ALASKA 2.0"
GROUND HOG DAY
I File D 10/16
OW
DIV 2/26/2018
X marries OW 5/2016

= CLOSURE 4 ME
Embrace the Change
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Hey 25, I just stopped by for a few minutes and was reading the latest from you...

Originally Posted By: 25yearsmlc

Frankly, the idea of someone moving in with me now that I'm finally living alone for the first time in my life, is not appealing. Nor is a needy guy who is high maintenance...

Pump the brakes 25! Nobody is moving in any time soon!! The time between coffee and moving in is long! As it should be! And you're in control of it! Don't sweat it!

Originally Posted By: 25yearsmlc
I feel like meeting a nice normal guy for a drink (coffee is also possible) and talk, would be lovely (or hilariously boring) but then see where it goes.

I can confirm, it is lovely to sit with someone of the opposite sex who interests you and have coffee. No pressure, no rush, no expectations...just coffee. And then if you enjoyed it, you go for coffee again. I hope you find somebody who interests you that you might want to do this with!


M-32 W-32 (both military)
T-8 M-6
PA Oct/Nov 16 (happened twice)
Discovered PA 11/30/16
S 12/1/16
MC 12/1/16 - 1/18/17
BD 1/18/17
A continues? 1/24/17 texts resume with W & OM
W Filed 3/8/17
W Deploys 7/17
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Hi 180

my point about someone moving into my place is NOT about dating and then rushing, at all...

it's that I am enjoying living alone. Some LBSers do not. I need to experience the "$uck in this" and I need to grow as only someone can do when they are pushed far out of their comfort zone and into their fears... \

I think I am where I need to be.

I also think dating this quickly is reactive, a desire to fill a void that is partly within me. And for sure the desire to appear to have moved on so my kids worry less about me, even though we all know that dating is not necessarily a sign of moving on anymore than not dating means we are stuck.

Coffee? Oh sure. But a part of me thinks many men I may meet are not up for coffee alone. At least some are in a rush to couple up.

I may look younger but the clock says 57, and most men in my dating range want to either always play the field, or hook up & marry asap.

They don't want to be alone or single for long. I've already had guys from my high school years who want to date.

I know for a fact, since they told me, that two would commit based on the past, not on who I am today, as they are tired (or terrified) of being alone forever. Whereas I have been married longer than single.

So That^^ fear of being alone is what I am veering away from. Make sense?


M: 57 H: 60
M: 35 yrs
S30,D28,D19
H off to Alaska 2006
Recon 7/07- 8/08
*2016*
X = "ALASKA 2.0"
GROUND HOG DAY
I File D 10/16
OW
DIV 2/26/2018
X marries OW 5/2016

= CLOSURE 4 ME
Embrace the Change
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25, if you think you are ready to sit down for coffee, then go for it. If not, take a little longer...... your choice

Last edited by Cadet; 06/04/17 07:47 PM. Reason: Start a new thread message

M:23 T:26
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Originally Posted By: 25yearsmlc

Geez at times this seems like a sh1tstorm & that I'm looking for a rescue.

Other times I feel strong and competent, wounded but a little liberated -

what's up with that?


All I can say is that sums me up pretty well. so I am going to decide that it is completely normal to feel this way.

And it's possible to be in both places at the same time.

Last edited by Cadet; 06/05/17 08:08 AM. Reason: Start a new thread message
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Cadet I started a new thread.

Can you link my old one? Thank you


http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2745850#Post2745850

Last edited by Cadet; 06/05/17 05:38 PM. Reason: Link

M: 57 H: 60
M: 35 yrs
S30,D28,D19
H off to Alaska 2006
Recon 7/07- 8/08
*2016*
X = "ALASKA 2.0"
GROUND HOG DAY
I File D 10/16
OW
DIV 2/26/2018
X marries OW 5/2016

= CLOSURE 4 ME
Embrace the Change
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