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A Message from Michele
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#2743940 - 05/19/17 09:01 PM Re: 25yearsmlc 10 Yrs Later I File D part 3 [Re: 25yearsmlc]
kml Offline
Member

Registered: 01/18/03
Posts: 13065
Well, lest you get too spooked, let me say MY experience with online dating overall was pretty good. I think what helped with me is that I was pretty good at reading between the lines on their profiles, and reading their photos. Most of the guys I met were pretty much as advertised. (My friend, on the other hand, cannot seem to pick up anything from their profiles and has mostly struck out).

I only dated one guy that I DIDN'T meet online - he picked me up while shopping in the discount store and shall forever be known as Mr. Big Lots. He wasn't any better or worse than the guys I met online.

I DID end up dating several Love Avoidants - guys that didn't really want to be in an actual relationship, were fine with just the occasional date. Probably a subconscious choice on my part, as I wasn't quite ready for a full time boyfriend myself (although I thought I was). I also dated some guys who were WAY too young for me - good for the ego but really a waste of time (although I have fond memories and we remain friends).

Then of course there's the Sociopath Ex Boyfriend, who looked like such a great guy and not commitment phobic at all - well, now we know that was too good to be true,

One alternative approach, not specific to dating but to creating a new social circle, is to join Meetup groups. Many people here have found that helpful. I've never done it but my Adult Rock Band class pretty much met that need for me, I made tons of new good friends in that group.

Wherever you find your dates, remember to live by the adage one of my younger girlfriends gave me - "No glove, no love". Our generation, unaccustomed as we are to worrying about stds, is apparently subject to increased risk. I'm SO grateful that I never had unprotected sex with Sociopath Ex Boyfriend .

All this being said - my first boyfriend after divorce was delightful. Yes, he was Love Avoidant, and yes, he dumped me after a year when his childhood sweetheart found him on FB. But he was crazy sexy, smart and well-read, and definitely gave me back my mojo. We are friends to this day. Don't be afraid - just discerning. And don't expect the first few to end up being The One. Just have some fun adventures.

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#2743944 - 05/19/17 10:18 PM Re: 25yearsmlc 10 Yrs Later I File D part 3 [Re: kml]
OwnIt Offline
Member

Registered: 03/16/17
Posts: 362
Loc:
You can download a burner app and pick your phone number. It works through your regular phone. Costs about $5 per month. If you have given to someone that you are nervous about, you just burn the number and it vanishes. With the few I got to the point of giving my "number" I explained when I gave it that it was a burner number (and in my case because I didn't want racy texts coming through my phone that my children frequently pick up and read). Plus I was able to lock down that burner number without locking them out of my regular phone.

I second the glove comment. Also, this may not be a big deal for you, but I am disease phobic. I have nothing and want nothing. There is a lot of herpes 1 and 2, hpv and some nasty stuff floating around. At this point I wouldn't even kiss someone without inquiring about herpes 1 (and remember you can get both of them by mouth and the other).

I never did more than that so I never had to go into the really awkward testing question, but maybe kml or someone else has some idea of how to handle that.
_________________________
M 25 years (both 47)
S13, D17
EA 6-12/11
ILYBINILWY 11/13
BD 1/16 on PA (ongoing since 6/13?)
Kicked Out 9/16, 10/16

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#2744026 - 05/20/17 06:30 PM Re: 25yearsmlc 10 Yrs Later I File D part 3 [Re: OwnIt]
25yearsmlc Offline
Member

Registered: 04/03/06
Posts: 12137
Loc: CA- now East coast
a wealth of information HERE!!

cool
_________________________
M: 57 H: 60
M: 35 yrs
S30,D28,D19
H solo - ALASKA, 2006
Piece 7/07
Retrovaille-M Restored 8/08

*2016*
H Alaska Again!
Groundhog Day
I File D 10/16
OW

Don't look back, it's not where you're going

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#2744028 - 05/20/17 06:47 PM Re: 25yearsmlc 10 Yrs Later I File D part 3 [Re: OwnIt]
25yearsmlc Offline
Member

Registered: 04/03/06
Posts: 12137
Loc: CA- now East coast
Originally Posted By: OwnIt
You can download a burner app and pick your phone number. It works through your regular phone. Costs about $5 per month. If you have given to someone that you are nervous about, you just burn the number and it vanishes.


WTH??

how weird, but okay....



With the few I got to the point of giving my "number" I explained when I gave it that it was a burner number (and in my case because I didn't want racy texts coming through my phone that my children frequently pick up and read). Plus I was able to lock down that burner number without locking them out of my regular phone.

not exactly clear on what this^^ means...I'll google it?


I second the glove comment. Also, this may not be a big deal for you, but I am disease phobic. I have nothing and want nothing. There is a lot of herpes 1 and 2, hpv and some nasty stuff floating around.

cry pfft!


At this point I wouldn't even kiss someone without inquiring about herpes 1 (and remember you can get both of them by mouth and the other).


Seriously? God, how on earth would I "inquire about" that?? Not to mention how "attractive" it sounds -


_________________________
M: 57 H: 60
M: 35 yrs
S30,D28,D19
H solo - ALASKA, 2006
Piece 7/07
Retrovaille-M Restored 8/08

*2016*
H Alaska Again!
Groundhog Day
I File D 10/16
OW

Don't look back, it's not where you're going

Top
#2744039 - 05/21/17 01:59 AM Re: 25yearsmlc 10 Yrs Later I File D part 3 [Re: 25yearsmlc]
180Man Offline
Member

Registered: 02/20/17
Posts: 176
Loc: Slow is Smooth, Smooth is Fast...
Originally Posted By: 25yearsmlc
Originally Posted By: OwnIt

At this point I wouldn't even kiss someone without inquiring about herpes 1 (and remember you can get both of them by mouth and the other).

Seriously? God, how on earth would I "inquire about" that?? Not to mention how "attractive" it sounds -


Oh jeez. My STBXW got herpes as a baby when someone kissed her. In all those years I never got it. It's not a big deal, just don't kiss anyone when they're having a flare up. She would always tell me when she couldn't kiss me on account of it -- actually the last time I tried to kiss her, just after New Years, I think she used it as an excuse to avoid kissing me. Not sure and I don't care. Anyways, of all the things to worry about, I wouldn't worry too much about that.

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#2744072 - 05/21/17 09:40 AM Re: 25yearsmlc 10 Yrs Later I File D part 3 [Re: 180Man]
kml Offline
Member

Registered: 01/18/03
Posts: 13065
90% of the population have been exposed to oral herpes by age 50 according to the NIH. Just because you don't have outbreaks doesn't mean you haven't acquired the virus. This is not something to worry about.

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#2744109 - 05/21/17 06:14 PM Re: 25yearsmlc 10 Yrs Later I File D part 3 [Re: kml]
25yearsmlc Offline
Member

Registered: 04/03/06
Posts: 12137
Loc: CA- now East coast
Originally Posted By: kml
90% of the population have been exposed to oral herpes by age 50 according to the NIH. Just because you don't have outbreaks doesn't mean you haven't acquired the virus. This is not something to worry about.


We were both in the Army and we were tested non stop every year. If h has anything now, it's on HIM and hopefully not me.

KML, I don't see why it's NOT something to worry about if so many of us might have it.

But it's good to know.

I heard some "new info" that isn't new - but my family didn't have the heart to tell me earlier, (H's FB post that he met the "love of his life", which he said some months ago, like within weeks of our parting)

AND d19 getting assaulted/arrested in Boston, AND my 9 hour drive each way

AND my freaking dental implants (I have green/purple bruising and a left sided jowl)

AND h not sending 75% of what he owes, b/c you know, b/c he "retired" and cannot pay, and the "expert" who keeps sending me horribly boring job announcements I guess I have to apply for,

and all my fears about money

Geez, it's been a lousy week. D28 called b/c she's worried about me.

I detest that ^^ although I know it's well meant. I'm not brain damaged or disabled, (well, some dizzy stuff and short term memory issues from the meds and those are improving)

though I know since the neuro crap in October the kids stare at me like I've got dementia.

While in CA last month for GDC, I saw the older kids. We went out to dinner and while they were in the rest room, I switched to a better table.

When they returned, they were looking all around and outside for me. I think they believed I had "wandered off aimlessly" and they were getting a bit worried. Then they saw me inside and came to the table.

They asked what was up and I said

"I changed tables...sit down, your dad will be here any minute."

for a minute, they were terrified...

I've still got it.


cool
_________________________
M: 57 H: 60
M: 35 yrs
S30,D28,D19
H solo - ALASKA, 2006
Piece 7/07
Retrovaille-M Restored 8/08

*2016*
H Alaska Again!
Groundhog Day
I File D 10/16
OW

Don't look back, it's not where you're going

Top
#2744121 - 05/21/17 09:43 PM Re: 25yearsmlc 10 Yrs Later I File D part 3 [Re: 25yearsmlc]
kml Offline
Member

Registered: 01/18/03
Posts: 13065
Oral herpes - type 1 - is different from the type 2 strain that causes most genital herpes.

You would not have been tested for type 1 even in the military.

Basically, almost everyone has the oral herpes virus but not everybody gets fever blisters.

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#2744122 - 05/21/17 09:51 PM Re: 25yearsmlc 10 Yrs Later I File D part 3 [Re: kml]
kml Offline
Member

Registered: 01/18/03
Posts: 13065
Oh, and fwiw, your H didn't "just happen" to meet "the love of his life" within weeks of your split. I'd bet money he had already started something with her before or had a history with her from before.

Also, that "love of his life" phrase - don't put too much stock in that. Sociopath Ex Boyfriend posted a bunch of pictures of us on Facebook and called me "the love of his life" - except, of course, when those pictures were taken he had the side-chick plus was grifting other women plus was lying about a whole bunch of other stuff. So appearances on Facebook can be VERY deceiving!!

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#2744200 - 05/22/17 11:22 AM Re: 25yearsmlc 10 Yrs Later I File D part 3 [Re: kml]
adinva Offline
Member

Registered: 09/06/11
Posts: 2860
Loc: VA
What an informative thread you have here, 25! I'm learning a lot!
_________________________
Adinva 50, S19 S17
T28 M24 last 6 sep
6/15/11 IDLY
12/16/12 H moved out
9/15/15 Began negotiating SA
8/8/16 I filed
3/7/17 D is final - me 50 XH 51
__
Happiness is a warm puppy.

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