Thanks for continuing to post. That is vey interesting. I think I'm still in the trying to be super h and super dad. Is that wrong? She respond positively but wonder if it's making things better or just delaying the inevitable.
Gordie 40s W 40s M20+ kids 2016 BD W fantasy affair w OM1 I do everything wrong 2017 I start to DB W says TLTL files for D PA w OM2 2018 I do LRT W drops filing and OM2 situation slowly improving
Brother, I don't know what is right or wrong...what I do know is that I don't control how my wife feels or what she does. I thought I was doing what was right for the last 26 years, but somewhere along the way something happened inside her head. It made her believe that what she had was not what she wanted anymore. Again, not in my control.
I am trying to let go and let God take control.
Me 49 W46 T25 M22 S22 D18 S13 W had EA Apr-Jul 2016 Dropped Bomb 7/9/16 ILYBINILWYA HER DIVORCE IS FINAL...8/18/17 Dropping the rope to SURVIVE & THRIVE!!!
It is funny or strange how those deep in MLC only see how things are affecting themselves. They do not have any empathy for how their decisions have negatively affected anyone else in their world. Family, friends, co-workers are all affected by their choices.
My W has been much nicer to me lately, but it is very evident it is because I am not fighting her on the D and I am not begging her or pleading with her to come back.
She and her sister on the other hand have been at odds with each other for the last 6 months. I finally had to tell my SIL that I will not get in between the two of them. She keeps asking me for my opinion as to how to handle my W. I simply told her that I am praying for them both, but I will not take sides between them. This is something that they would have to work out themselves.
I know MLC takes time and I know that they all don't make it thru to the other side, but my patience is being tested for sure. We have always been a close knit family and have always had wonderful relationships with all of our in-laws. This has blown all of those relationships apart for sure.
Me 49 W46 T25 M22 S22 D18 S13 W had EA Apr-Jul 2016 Dropped Bomb 7/9/16 ILYBINILWYA HER DIVORCE IS FINAL...8/18/17 Dropping the rope to SURVIVE & THRIVE!!!
Thanks for continuing to post. That is vey interesting. I think I'm still in the trying to be super h and super dad. Is that wrong? She respond positively but wonder if it's making things better or just delaying the inevitable.
Is super H and super dad who you want to be? Or are you doing it because it's who she wants you to be?
Ummm...both? I recognize legitimate shortcomings as both a h and a f and I've made changes to improve those things. I want those things to be permanent changes no matter what happens to my m.
Gordie 40s W 40s M20+ kids 2016 BD W fantasy affair w OM1 I do everything wrong 2017 I start to DB W says TLTL files for D PA w OM2 2018 I do LRT W drops filing and OM2 situation slowly improving
Thanks for continuing to post. That is vey interesting. I think I'm still in the trying to be super h and super dad. Is that wrong? She respond positively but wonder if it's making things better or just delaying the inevitable.
Is super H and super dad who you want to be? Or are you doing it because it's who she wants you to be?
Ginger1...don't we all want to be viewed by our spouse and our kids as the best of the best. As the product of a broken home of broken parents, I know that I vowed to do everything I could to be the best I could. I had a workaholic dad that was like a disneyland dad and an alcoholic mother that had to get a couple of drinks in her before she could help us with our homework.
I was going to be available to all of my children for whatever they needed...coaching/scouting/fishing/camping. Anything that I could to let them know that they were a priority.
I took the same approach with my wife. She was a priority and I did all I could do to show her how important she was. Thru this all I have realized that I still have no idea WTF she wanted. I spoiled her. I bought her gifts. I watched our kids while she spent time at the gym or volunteering. In retrospect I did so much in the hopes that those acts would be reciprocated towards my needs. Were they...no! Does she see a problem with that...I don't see it.
I have come to learn that to be that Super (Parent/Husband), I have to feel Super by taking care of #1...ME! The wife has been out from under my roof since before Thanksgiving and I have learned that I can still do things that I want to do without neglecting my kids.
Now I'm sure like everyone on here, I don't like having to take care of all of the house chores by myself, but it is doable. I have been able to be a father, a son, and a brother, while still being able to workout, play golf, and enjoy my friends. So I guess as an answer to your question to Gordie, I do want to be super, but I want to be super for me...they just get to benefit from it.
Me 49 W46 T25 M22 S22 D18 S13 W had EA Apr-Jul 2016 Dropped Bomb 7/9/16 ILYBINILWYA HER DIVORCE IS FINAL...8/18/17 Dropping the rope to SURVIVE & THRIVE!!!
Dude...we have so much in common it is uncanny. One day we'll have a beer!
Gordie 40s W 40s M20+ kids 2016 BD W fantasy affair w OM1 I do everything wrong 2017 I start to DB W says TLTL files for D PA w OM2 2018 I do LRT W drops filing and OM2 situation slowly improving
Journaling... I guess the beginning of the summer will bring up some down moments. The W took all 3 kids out of town with her family for a family members graduation. They are spending the weekend away and it kind of stinks. The feeling of being left behind hurts. I know that my kids are simply excited to be going somewhere and getting away, but to watch my family drive off w/o me was a real bummer yesterday.
Work was hard to get thru, but I made it. I met a buddy that is about a year ahead of me in his MLC'ers journey for drinks after work. I saw that his vehicle was still at his office as I was driving by and had the urge to stop. Over drinks he expressed his gratitude that I had stopped because he was struggling all day long. He sent a text to me this morning saying that he needed what I had to say yesterday. It is funny...I needed to vent about my frustration, but he learned alot from what I had to say. I guess all of you guys information is sticking with me and I am able to translate it to people that might need help. God works in mysterious ways.
Anyway, I hope everyone is able to find things this weekend that fill your time and your mind. God bless all of you.
Me 49 W46 T25 M22 S22 D18 S13 W had EA Apr-Jul 2016 Dropped Bomb 7/9/16 ILYBINILWYA HER DIVORCE IS FINAL...8/18/17 Dropping the rope to SURVIVE & THRIVE!!!
That stinks. I hope you have lots of good stuff planned for your weekend to keep your mind occupied and your soul at rest. Great you were able to help your friend.
Gordie 40s W 40s M20+ kids 2016 BD W fantasy affair w OM1 I do everything wrong 2017 I start to DB W says TLTL files for D PA w OM2 2018 I do LRT W drops filing and OM2 situation slowly improving
Well, it seems that I will be praying and trying to remain that lighthouse from the other side of divorce. The W is pushing for this to be done ASAP. It seems that she wants to have everything signed within the next 30 days. If we can manage that it will be less than 365 days from BD to D. While not a record I'm sure, it seems really quick to end a long term M.
I think that I have done a decent job with not worrying about what she is doing all of the time, or who she is doing it with, but this has thrown me for a loop. I guess I was hoping and praying that she would have a change of heart before we had to go thru with the D. I guess I don't get a choice in this matter...haha.
For those of you that have reluctantly gone thru with the divorce ... what is the secret to doing so without totally losing it? She's been out of the house for over 7 months, but I feel that I could still welcome her home tonight. I know that would not bode well for the future, but I still miss the woman that was by my side for over 25 years. I even the miss the woman that was there up until a month or two before BD. The speed at which they detach is crazy fast.
My kids came back from a weekend away with her and although they said they did have a good time, they also said that they wished we were all together...that is rough to hear. I'm sure they miss their family being together just as much as I do.
My discussions with her now are simply dollars and cents. It is hard for me to try and understand their mind. How they can detach and seem to talk to us like we had not spent so many years together. They acknowledge at least that we have kids together, because they have to split costs with us, but as far as we are concerned...we never existed. Maybe it is defense mechanism for their batchitcrazy mindset.
>>>>>>> I have found in my GAL time that I rekindled some friendships with some guys that I have known for a while, but not spent time with for a while. The kicker is that all four of them have been thru divorce. One twice and the other three just once.
It is funny to me that different people have different views on D and how it changes families. They all have children, but all of their circumstances have been totally different. One wanted out of his M for OW. One had an addict for a W and she couldn't clean up. One left him for OM. And, the other seems like both women had MLC's. While I still hang out with some of my married friends it seems like I am spending more time with these men that I have things in common with. One of the guys, even though he is over a year into his D, seems to still be standing a bit for M.
>>>>>>>> My FIL just came by and we had a nice talk. He is still blown away that his daughter is doing this, but says it is a total copy of what her mother did to him 30 years ago...my W was a teenager at the time. I know I have said it before on here, but she seems to have reverted to being a teenager in some aspects of her personality. She seems like a giddy schoolgirl when she is around my daughter and her friends, but then kind of acts older when she is around their parents. It just seems odd to me.
My FIL and step-MIL don't agree with it and insist that I have been dealt a crappy hand. He said for me to try and move on the best I can and if she ever "snaps out of it" I can then decide if I want her back. Sounds like he has listened to MWD. He is a wise man and I totally respect him, but it is still a hard thing to wrap my crazed brain around.
I hope everyone is having a better day and time of it than I am today. God bless you all. Please keep me and my family (even the W) in your prayers. THX
Me 49 W46 T25 M22 S22 D18 S13 W had EA Apr-Jul 2016 Dropped Bomb 7/9/16 ILYBINILWYA HER DIVORCE IS FINAL...8/18/17 Dropping the rope to SURVIVE & THRIVE!!!
