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SBJ Offline OP
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Tough couple of days with the W...she is still totally oblivious to the fact that divorce is a destruction of a family. Her statement of, "families don't get destroyed, they just get restructured" popped into my head again this morning. My attorney submitted our changes to the D paperwork she had sent to us. She is wanting to get the D over with so fast that she is agreeing to all of the changes and is basically willing to walk away with minimal cash (1/2 of the retirement accounts and 1/2 of the home equity). I'm not trying to cheat her out of anything, but I want to protect what we do have so that I can provide for my children...just in case she goes off the deep end. Who knows, she might cash out and blow it all...I'm not sure of anything anymore.

I know we aren't suppose to be paying attention to how they act or what they do, but I have so many interactions still with her it is hard not to. It is like she is the socialite/business owner/volunteer/mother of the year/church girl all wrapped up into one. The only thing that is missing is the role of W that she has played since 1994.

I have been getting hit hard the last couple of days with negative thoughts and have had to stop, pray, and redirect my thinking.

Hope everyone is heading in the right direction.


Me 49 W46
T25 M22
S22 D18 S13
W had EA Apr-Jul 2016
Dropped Bomb 7/9/16
ILYBINILWYA
HER DIVORCE IS FINAL...8/18/17
Dropping the rope to SURVIVE & THRIVE!!!
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Sorry you're having a tough couple days. My w used to say similar things to your w's statement. They have to justify themselves and since you can find whatever your looking for online they find psych papers, articles, etc to justify their thinking. I doubt anyone writing those is packing up their life once a week.

I too felt bad about w's monetary situation but she didn't leave me in a good place either and it's 100 percent her choice. Look out for yourself and kids first. Keep trying to stay positive!

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So tonight was a event for the D14 that parents and grands attend...my mother did not give the W the time of day. She said she couldn't stand the fake and hates what she is doing to me.

The W obviously took exception to that and pulled me aside to complain...I actually laughed because she thinks that everyone should be ok with her decision and be happy for her. I told her that mom would be one of the last to be ok with things. She really didn't understand.

I've been better this week and am still standing and praying for her, but things are becoming more obvious day by day.

Saw her interacting with daughter and her friends and the W was acting just like 15 year olds...except for looking 44 and dressing sexier...haha!!!

Hope everyone has a good weekend.

Philippians 4:13New King James Version (NKJV)

13 I can do all things through Christ[a] who strengthens me.


Me 49 W46
T25 M22
S22 D18 S13
W had EA Apr-Jul 2016
Dropped Bomb 7/9/16
ILYBINILWYA
HER DIVORCE IS FINAL...8/18/17
Dropping the rope to SURVIVE & THRIVE!!!
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Hey SBJ.....was reading some of your recent posts. I hope that these last couple of days have been better for you.

Even after all this time I do still find it hard to believe that the MLCer still doesn't understand the devastation they have caused, and how they think that everyone should be happy for them or be okay with the choices they are making.

I guess being able to justify their decisions plays a HUGE part in their life right now. Still so unbelievably selfish!!!

Hang in there my friend. One day at a time.

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SBJ Offline OP
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Thanks skm...you are right about them not understanding about the devastation. My W thinks that everyone should be happy for her and that they should also be OK with her choices. We aren't talking about changing your hair color...we are talking about destroying your entire family that you have built and committed to for the last 20+ years. It is totally selfish, but we know that.

I pray that your peace continues to grow. I keep repeating the Prayer of Serenity because I need to continuously remind myself that there are some things that I cannot change. I am learning that I can change myself and I can grow in faith with my children. God is good...all the time!

Peace be with you!


Me 49 W46
T25 M22
S22 D18 S13
W had EA Apr-Jul 2016
Dropped Bomb 7/9/16
ILYBINILWYA
HER DIVORCE IS FINAL...8/18/17
Dropping the rope to SURVIVE & THRIVE!!!
Joined: Oct 2016
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SBJ Offline OP
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Nothing good nor bad to post, but thought I'd update. Spring cleaning and getting the house and yard ready for the summer. Contemplating selling my den furniture and putting in a bar and s pool table.

This week I have to send in the final approval to the pre-decree paperwork. I'm not looking forward to it, but I feel that once the D is finalized the truth will be revealed. I've tried to focus on my kids, myself and prayer. By doing that I've been in a good place...at least most of the time.

I watched the movie, "Stuck in Love" on somebody's recommendation. Good flick, but I feel like the main character at times. Probably most of us LBS's do.

Today is the day the Lord has made...God bless you all.


Me 49 W46
T25 M22
S22 D18 S13
W had EA Apr-Jul 2016
Dropped Bomb 7/9/16
ILYBINILWYA
HER DIVORCE IS FINAL...8/18/17
Dropping the rope to SURVIVE & THRIVE!!!
Joined: Nov 2016
Posts: 2,605
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SBJ, sending positive vibes your way. The d paperwork is a drag but unavoidable. How are you and the kids holding up? Will you have to move?


Gordie 40s W 40s M20+ kids
2016 BD W fantasy affair w OM1 I do everything wrong
2017 I start to DB W says TLTL files for D PA w OM2
2018 I do LRT W drops filing and OM2 situation slowly improving
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For now we are staying put. I guess that lighthouse story is still in my head. I am making a few subtle changes to the house to make it what me and the kids want, but other than that my doors are all still cracked open. Kids seem to be holding up ok. No temper tantrums or acting out. They all know that is something that their mother wants or has to do and that dad will remain strong for them, and even for her if it ever comes to that.

Thanks for the positive vibes Gord...know that you are in my prayers daily and so is your W.

Philippians 4:13New King James Version (NKJV)

13 I can do all things through Christ[a] who strengthens me.


Me 49 W46
T25 M22
S22 D18 S13
W had EA Apr-Jul 2016
Dropped Bomb 7/9/16
ILYBINILWYA
HER DIVORCE IS FINAL...8/18/17
Dropping the rope to SURVIVE & THRIVE!!!
Joined: Nov 2016
Posts: 2,605
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SBJ, you present yourself as a man of faith. How does your faith affect your relationship? Has your w changed her beliefs? She is still going to church but has obviously justified d to herself.


Gordie 40s W 40s M20+ kids
2016 BD W fantasy affair w OM1 I do everything wrong
2017 I start to DB W says TLTL files for D PA w OM2
2018 I do LRT W drops filing and OM2 situation slowly improving
Joined: Oct 2016
Posts: 875
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Gordie, this trial has drawn me closer to God and strengthened my faith. It could have gone the other way and I could have succumbed to anger and hatred for the OM, but instead I feel pity and I am working on the forgiveness part of it all.

The sane parts of her family and mine have all said that they are totally confused as to her actions and say that she is acting like a teenager...go figure (MLC). My step-MIL came over this weekend and we talked for a while. She said that the W is acting like she did when her dad and step-mom started dating. Like a spoiled, angry, confused, little girl.

As for the W's faith...that is between her and God. I have speculated what I think or what I think that she should think, but I am getting to the understanding that that is not my place. I am not her judge or jury. I was her husband, partner, friend & lover, but she has fired me from that role. In Isaiah 33:22 it states that: For the Lord is our judge, the Lord is our lawgiver, the Lord is our king; he it is who will save us.

I sent the letter to the attorney to go forward with the decree paperwork and it breaks my heart, but it is one of those things that is out of my control. I will continue "MY" journey of improvement. I will continue to love myself and my children as much as I can. I will continue to love her from afar. I will continue to pray that His Will be done in our lives. I will continue to try and stay detached as she is making it easy. I will continue to be that darn lighthouse, because deep down, I know that she is worth it.

Below is a prayer that I have been praying for me as well as for all of us on here that are standing thru all of this:

Lord, I need You so much. My marriage is totally destroyed. Please speak to me so I can hear Your voice. Lord, I need Thee every hour. Help both me and my wife to forgive each other of how we have failed each other. Lord, please help breathe new life into our marriage. We need Your divine healing touch on changing both our hearts to rebuild our marriage and learn how to love and respect each other. Lord, breathe Agape and Eros love back into our marriage. Soften each of our hearts and rebuild our marriage on the solid rock of Jesus Christ.

Lord, show me the way I should go. I have so many problems. Which way do I turn, to the right or to the left? How do I help my children? How do I pay my bills? Do I need to move? Lord, please do not let me go on a detour road that will cause me delays and denials because of the tricks and schemes which are coming from the enemy and my flesh. Lord, speak loudly to my heart. I am seeking Your will and way in my life and in my marriage. Answer me quickly, Lord, as I am becoming weary. Thank You for being my spouse, Defender, Deliverer, Provider, Protector and Shepherd, showing me Your love as You guide and direct my footsteps in our marriage every day. In Jesus’ Name I pray. Amen.


Me 49 W46
T25 M22
S22 D18 S13
W had EA Apr-Jul 2016
Dropped Bomb 7/9/16
ILYBINILWYA
HER DIVORCE IS FINAL...8/18/17
Dropping the rope to SURVIVE & THRIVE!!!
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