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Thanks. That helps more than I can express


Gordie 40s W 40s M20+ kids
2016 BD W fantasy affair w OM1 I do everything wrong
2017 I start to DB W says TLTL files for D PA w OM2
2018 I do LRT W drops filing and OM2 situation slowly improving
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I am sorry that sending that paperwork had such an effect on you. I understand why.

Let's look at that closer, is there another way to look at this. Your W has been straining to break free from you. If you had resisted signing or dragged it out she would have strained harder to get away. She seemed to be putting in a lot of energy to divorce you quick. Now that you have sent the paperwork the energy and focus she was using to pull away has been freed up.

Initially this could be euphoric for her as she has what she wants. But she is no longer fighting to get away from you. That was her battle. Now she can move on from viewing you as her battle opponent. That does not mean she will view you positively, but it takes away some of her strain and gives her the freedom to do so.

So sending this paperwork is just another change in your story.It is not an end.

As you have alluded maybe the D will allow a hidden OM surface. That would be tough but once she can stop focusing on getting away from a bad M, she will see that there are weeds too in her greener grass option. You cannot speed up how long it takes her to realise this. Your best bet regardless is to ensure you and your life are greener than ever before.

Best wishes


R 25 years
M 14 years
S11 & S13
Working on it alone since Oct 2014
M in trouble a lot earlier (~2 years)
Feb 2016. 1st R chat in a yr.
Next R chat Aug'17
Still together
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Roist deserves a trophy. He sees the silver lining in everything.


Gordie 40s W 40s M20+ kids
2016 BD W fantasy affair w OM1 I do everything wrong
2017 I start to DB W says TLTL files for D PA w OM2
2018 I do LRT W drops filing and OM2 situation slowly improving
Joined: Oct 2016
Posts: 875
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Originally Posted By: roist
I am sorry that sending that paperwork had such an effect on you. I understand why.

Let's look at that closer, is there another way to look at this. Your W has been straining to break free from you. If you had resisted signing or dragged it out she would have strained harder to get away. She seemed to be putting in a lot of energy to divorce you quick. Now that you have sent the paperwork the energy and focus she was using to pull away has been freed up.

Initially this could be euphoric for her as she has what she wants. But she is no longer fighting to get away from you. That was her battle. Now she can move on from viewing you as her battle opponent. That does not mean she will view you positively, but it takes away some of her strain and gives her the freedom to do so.

So sending this paperwork is just another change in your story.It is not an end.

As you have alluded maybe the D will allow a hidden OM surface. That would be tough but once she can stop focusing on getting away from a bad M, she will see that there are weeds too in her greener grass option. You cannot speed up how long it takes her to realise this. Your best bet regardless is to ensure you and your life are greener than ever before.

Best wishes

Roist...thanks for the positive spin. I have looked at it and believe that you are right. I have been fighting against it because I don't believe in it, but I don't have to believe in it. This is her thing that she has to do and yes...if my suspicions are correct there is a field of weeds around some brown grass in the other field, but it is cloaked in an illusion of green.

In the past 6 months she has only kind of argued with me when I disagreed with her on the D. Other than that our interaction has been friendly. I can't say that her interactions with my mother has been, but that is between them.

I truly appreciate your friendship and your perspective. You have been there before and have a wealth of knowledge to share with us that are still standing in the storm.

I am leaning on Isaiah 43: - God will carry you through the storm.


Originally Posted By: Gordie
Roist deserves a trophy. He sees the silver lining in everything.


Gordie you are correct. It is awesome to have so many on here that have an understanding of what we are going through as LBS's and also what our MLC'ers are going through because they have seen it before. It helps to keep us grounded in true reality.


Me 49 W46
T25 M22
S22 D18 S13
W had EA Apr-Jul 2016
Dropped Bomb 7/9/16
ILYBINILWYA
HER DIVORCE IS FINAL...8/18/17
Dropping the rope to SURVIVE & THRIVE!!!
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Something about this thread touched me and I'll just pass on my thoughts.

I think learning to accept a severe blow to our hearts, & a huge change in our lives that we truly don't understand - - which we think/hope we don't deserve - yet must accept, is almost impossible.

So I look around at what people must accept, that they did not ask for or deserve. There are many.

I have a very close friend who lost her 22 y/o son 6 months ago. He played baseball but had an unknown heart defect. No symptoms till he died.

Another close friend in the same circle of friends, was diagnosed with metastatic cancer in December. She's in chemo right now as I write this. FWIW, She never smoked.

These women must accept these events...they did not cause them, and these are totally life altering events. One will never be the same and the other may die soon.

The grieving mother told me she feels like one of those fish who must move to ventilate their gills to breathe - b/c they will die if they are stationary. So I know to move forward, no matter what else.

I am working on accepting what is, and moving forward. (Not saying to file for D, which I had to do. I'm just speaking metaphorically and personally).

I no longer want to invest energy into understanding the WHY of this,

as I cannot fathom a "good" reason for it anyway.

And I know pain can be the touchstone for tremendous personal growth & faith.

This requires even more change on my end. That part of this ordeal is up to me.


Godspeed.


M: 57 H: 60
M: 35 yrs
S30,D28,D19
H off to Alaska 2006
Recon 7/07- 8/08
*2016*
X = "ALASKA 2.0"
GROUND HOG DAY
I File D 10/16
OW
DIV 2/26/2018
X marries OW 5/2016

= CLOSURE 4 ME
Embrace the Change
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SBJ.....I'm sorry that you are having to deal with all of this.

I don't really have anything else to say that hasn't already been said. You know we are all here for you. You already know you can lean into us for support. I honestly don't know how I would have made it this far if it wasn't for this place.

I saw something the other day and it made me think of you...

"If God brings you to it, he will bring you through it"

I know it is hard for us to see, but for whatever reason we were meant to go through this difficult time. I know it has definitely taught me some very valuable lessons.

Your W is too busy in la la land right now, but remember, the grass isn't always greener on the other side. She will find that out in time, you will see.

One day at a time my friend.....

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WOW, what a difference a year makes. My D14 birthday is this week and we usually do a party by the pool for her. My daughter did not want to do anything big, so I told her that she could have a few girlfriends over and I'd cook for them while they hung out by the pool. My SIL/BIL came over with my nieces and the W's dad/step mom and my mom and step dad stopped by for a while.

My house has been the place that everyone always converged on to swim and get together. While I'm glad that they came by, I was kind of bummed, because my W has always been the center of the family get-togethers. She would put in a ton of effort to make sure that everyone was having fun and taken care of. All of that fell on my shoulders and it made me realize how much I relied on her in the past.

A marriage is a true partnership in every way. She and I complemented each other in most every way, yet this BS-MLC has taken her out of my life. I guess I am still in awe at how they can totally remove themselves from us.

My BIL had said that they saw the W earlier in the day and that she has changed in every way. He said that her eyes have changed and it is like you are looking at a totally different person. I had noticed her eyes before, but had not mentioned anything to him.

I tried to recreate something this weekend that the W was always a part of...while everyone had a good time, it was difficult for me. At times, I wish I was able to block her memory out like she has blocked me out. Maybe it would be easier to drop the rope and detach totally.

Have a great week...
<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<
5 But if any of you lacks wisdom,[a] he should ask God who gives to all generously and ungrudgingly, and he will be given it.-James 1:5New American Bible (NABRE)


Me 49 W46
T25 M22
S22 D18 S13
W had EA Apr-Jul 2016
Dropped Bomb 7/9/16
ILYBINILWYA
HER DIVORCE IS FINAL...8/18/17
Dropping the rope to SURVIVE & THRIVE!!!
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SBJ, I'm sorry that was so painful. Yes, she has shut you out but keep your head up and move ahead. You don't know what God has in store for you....or her. Struggling right alongside you!


Gordie 40s W 40s M20+ kids
2016 BD W fantasy affair w OM1 I do everything wrong
2017 I start to DB W says TLTL files for D PA w OM2
2018 I do LRT W drops filing and OM2 situation slowly improving
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Thank you Gordie...

12 rejoicing in hope, persevering in tribulation, devoted to prayer - Romans 12:12New American Standard Bible (NASB)

>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>
Journaling / Venting:

Things are coming to a head between my W and her baby sister. They work together and have been distant to one another since the BD. My SIL/BIL don't agree with my W and think that she is being batchitcrazy, so they are getting in screaming matches at work now.

I now am totally separating myself from their relationship. Not my circus/not my monkeys.

Because of the most recent blow up...yesterday, my MIL called my oldest son asking him to go and speak to my FIL about how my W's sister is treating her. I was totally pissed, that my MIL (enabler) is now pulling my S19 into this BS. I talked to my S19 and D15 last night for the first time about all of this craziness. They said that they felt that my SIL was planting seeds in my head that were dividing me and their mother even more. I told them that their aunt had just vented to me about what was happening, but I let them know that I would stop talking to her if it had made them uncomfortable. They love their mother and she has still kept them in her life, so I don't want a wedge to go up between them. They love their aunt and uncle as well, but the division between them and their mother is straining their relationship.

While we didn't go into details that much, they understand that their mother is the one that walked out on our marriage. They believe that it is all their aunts fault that their mother and her are fighting. Other than her walking out on our M, they don't truly see what the W is doing or how she is acting...maybe that is a good thing. She is definitely good at playing the victim right now. It is everyone else's fault.

Sorry for venting, but I had to get it off of my chest.

As I was typing this, my SIL called me to tell me that she and my W were about to go to their counseling session...I was kind and simply said that I was praying for them both. I want my W back...true, but this roller coaster is getting old. I pray, that even if my W never comes back to me, I pray that she and her sister are able to reconcile their dysfunctional relationship.


Me 49 W46
T25 M22
S22 D18 S13
W had EA Apr-Jul 2016
Dropped Bomb 7/9/16
ILYBINILWYA
HER DIVORCE IS FINAL...8/18/17
Dropping the rope to SURVIVE & THRIVE!!!
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Posts: 2,605
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Yes not your circus nor your monkeys. I can understand why your kids support their mother vs aunt. Where are the kids living? Have they taken sides between you and your w?


Gordie 40s W 40s M20+ kids
2016 BD W fantasy affair w OM1 I do everything wrong
2017 I start to DB W says TLTL files for D PA w OM2
2018 I do LRT W drops filing and OM2 situation slowly improving
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