We had an annulment on Apr 7 in our first status meeting. My lawyer dragged it on for years, despite my best efforts to get into status meetings sooner. I managed to get a large settlement out of it. However, the money was not what I wanted. I was crying looking at one settlement check.
It nearly drove me nuts again. I did my best to tame my inner wussy and found some helpful chemicals for that. But I did relapse into needy behavior and right after the divorce, I called her and also her friend. But I didn't keep calling, I knocked that [censored] off right away.
Last night, three weeks after my needy outburst, I sent an email to my now ex-spouse. I made her a nearly irresistible offer to go to retrouvailles. It was understanding of her position, kind, and generous.
Today, she came in to my work. I was surprised to see her there. My surprise was probably shown on my face, and when looked again to make sure it was really her, she made a pissy face. Awkward. I tried to just act like she was any other customer and had her wait while I did my job (though I am not always so kind and professional to such entitled, upper class customers).
She was there to test me. I'm perfectly fine with that. I thought it was funny. But after that, I didn't like the pissy face. It reminded me of all the bad behavior she'd exhibited before taking off.
I don't know how good retrouvailles is or if I will want her after we go. It is a gamble.
You may be on moderation now, post in small frequent replies and stay on this thread until you reach 100 posts (for your thread, you can also post on other peoples threads to give support). Especially on this Newcomers forum, where the posting activity is very active, and your posts can quickly fall to the bottom of the page or even several pages down. Keep journaling and asking questions - people will come! Most important - POST!
Get out and Get a Life (GAL). DETACH.
Believe none of what he or she says and half of what he/she does.
Have NO EXPECTATIONS.
Take care of yourself, breathe, eat, sleep, exercise.
Take the parts of this advice that you need and don't worry if I have repeated something that you have already done.
Here are a few links to threads that will help you immensely:
When is Retrouvaille? I'm very interested to hear about how it goes for you.
Not to jump to any conclusions, but by the tone of your post it sounds like your relationship is extremely strained. My wife and I are starting to reconnect slowly, and we're doing regular MC and starting marriage ministry through our church on this coming Wednesday.
I'm considering asking her to do a Retrouvaille weekend sometime later in the year. I hear many great things about it, and I'm the type that figures it couldn't hurt to try every resource available. Keep us posted!
M:33 W:34 S:9 S:11 M:12 years T:16
BD: 02-09-2017 (ILYBINILWY) MC Started: 2-12-2017 EA Discovered: 2-13-2017 PA Discovered: 4-16-17
M 55 W 52 MR 32 T 34+ D29 BD May 8, 2016 - She moved out ILYBNILWY May 15 (Through email) No EA/PA August 23 - DB used against me in every way Divorce July 18, 2017 - Life is getting better every day
I focused on myself a lot and made some directional changes.
But there are some things that I have to work on more: 1) Finances, 2) Personality.
Financial independence is my biggest problem. Where I live, my rent is over 2100. This apartment complex is cheaper than most my city because of its condition. But I do not earn enough to survive; my low wage doesn't pay half of the rent. That's a big problem for my wife, who is in a different socio-economic demographic.
Now about my personality... I'm really putting a lot out here, in full nudity. My inquisitive nature often leads me to trouble. I'm known for questioning things and people. People in authoritative roles, and "experts" such as doctors, lawyers, and engineers, mostly hate being questioned, and so often this leads to bad relationships, and even passive-aggressive retaliation.
To solve these problems, I am currently seeking a mentor. My goals are to progress on my personal and career goals while also striving to achieve financial stability. I want to focus on that which will get me to where I want. With financially freedom and independence, most of my problems will vanish (you haven't lived in my shoes). Focusing on my anger and its causes won't fix them.
I'll also need to spend about $40,000 for the medical treatments to solve my injuries.
How do I get my (ex) marriage in motion again in a positive direction?
