Jeep, we aren't fbook friends. I can see them since I was tagged in all the posts. Ouch, you're right the limbo was only in my mind. I'll dust my self off and go about my life. But the struggle is real. We don't communicate about D, She's my step daughter and W wont let me see her anymore.
Who is this woman? I cannot believe what this woman is doing. I got a text that my cellphone bill was late. (I paid my portion was waiting on wife to pay hers) I called, since I have restricted access (fixed now) the Verizon Lady told me my bill was 923.00 so we went through everything. 1. what lines are on my account, W was kind enough to leave D’s phone account.. Out of contract, canceled. Not a huge deal. 2. Then I asked about the bill, she said W took her lines on the 25th (that’s when our bill cycle ends) perfect. 3. W hadn’t paid her 150 balance…ok.. I start to get worried 4. There’s a 625 charge for an iPhone that was taken out of contract, I told the lady it belongs to such #, VL said she did not show it in her database. I knew what was coming. The VL said she’d call the number, VL puts me on hold, after about 5 min came back on the line and VL said “Your Wife took her lines to a different carrier I told her about the charges, Wife said she knew you’d get the bill and that you could discuss it in the Divorce” I stayed quiet. VL said “Miss Cheesy, It’s going to be ok, you will get though this” I about lost my sh!t. I held it together. We finished the conversation. I called W, no answer left her a brief VM, hey thanks for taking your lines, there’s a charge for the iPhone let me know what’s up with that, I’ll also email all your emails thanks. And I emailed her. I kept calm cool and collected. I will not give her the liberty of hearing me panicked. So On top of taking the house, all the material things inside the house, took money from the joint accounts, and leaves me with most of the debt on top she sticks me with a 923 dollar charge. For something I DON’T HAVE, KNOWINGLY. I cannot believe what the VL relayed to me. How low is this woman going to go? I feel like a dumbas$ for missing her so much last night and every day, for crying and for still having good thoughts abut her. What the heck is wrong with me?! I immediately started crying, walked over to my firend/co worker. She talked with me, consoled me. Told me this isn’t about me. That wife is manipulative, and playing the victim. She told me I’ll have good days, and bad and to let myself have bad days cus its healthy. She told me I can’t always be strong, even though I try. She also told me I’ve come so far, to think about all the good things that have come out of it.
I HATE THIS. I want to walk away. But I think that’s what W wants. I have a feeling I’m going to have to retain the lawyer fully to represent me. I don’t know if I mentioned, but I can do a “half” lawyer smaller retainer for advice and I represent myself. But it’s already not looking too good. Regardless on Monday when I meet with the L I will bring two checks, one for the “half” L and one for the full retainer. I want to get nasty, but I won’t. I will only ask for what’s mine because I believe in karma. I hate this and I don’t deserve this.
(((cheesy))) I am so sorry. This is awful. Sounds like you have a rough road ahead. I dont have much good advice because I haven't been down the D path. I will say tho, there is no use in beating yourself up. You loved her and were committed to your M and there is so much honor in that. I believe in karma too.
So keep doing what you know is the right thing and don't stoop to her level. Don't punish her because it will come out of your pocket.
I am glad you have supportive people. Take and allow that support--nurture those Rs. And it's perfectly okay to take time to relax, smell the flowers, and put all thoughts of her aside, you need to carry on and not let the stress consume you.
Hugs, Blu
“Forgiveness liberates the soul. It removes fear. That is why it is such a powerful weapon.” – Nelson Mandela
Cheesyt, I'm sorry things are rough right now. We all go through bad nights like that so you are not alone. I know it's [censored] right now but we've all watched you build this amazing version of cheesyt and I know that your future will be amazing!
So, I agree with Jeep. You should cut ties with your W on FB. Starting to really hate FB here as well. Best not to get constant updates on what W is doing as it'll suck you back into the muck.
Your W reaching out is probably what you think it is. She did this before, months ago, and you are right not to respond. Could be trying to temp check you to see if you're going to respond. Again, best not to bite and get pulled in. Great job!
Hang in there cheesyt! You are an amazing woman and your W doesn't deserve to have you pining for her. Keep pushing forward and everything will be good. Stay strong!
Me39 M11 : T13 D9 BD 5/31/16 In House S until 6/21/17 Divorced 10/5/18
There are moments in this life when you are so confident in the rightness of your actions, that not even for a second do you consider the option that you might be wrong.
Just met with the Lawyer, it went well. He told me since I have retained him, not to have any contact with her or her lawyer (if she were to get one) without consulting My L first. I told him I want nothing to do with her and do not want to speak or talk to her. He said I’m going to make it easier, as I had already filled out all the paperwork. He will respond to the court as well as to STBX. L said he hopes she gets a lawyer that has the same mentality as we do, in the sense of lets get this show on the road and get the D finalized. L said he wished W wouldn’t have pissed me off (the shady money and cell phone thing) because it just puts money in “lawyer’s” pockets. He clarified, the court will give my wife a date to “buy” me out of any equity, and it’s up to her to figure it out, should it come down to that. Spousal support, same thing. For Debts and assets I told him whatever the court / judge sees fit that’s what I want. If I get half of the equity, she gets half of the joint debt, and I get spousal support then so be it. If the court says I get nothing, then so be it. The bottom line, I want the court to decide, not my wife, and not me. I told the L the reason I am ok with whatever happens was because at one point I was going to walk away and just sign D papers. If I come out with anything, then I’m ahead, if not, I will figure it out. I always do. L said my response will be filed within 24/48 hrs. and then we will go from there. I feel pretty good. I like him, he said a few things I really liked. can’t think of the top of my head but overall, I’m ready. I feel ready. It’s time to move on. It’s time to continue to move forward. And if I never see her again, then I never see her again. Should our paths cross one day, then so be it and we can tackle it then. If not, I’m confident I’m already better off. With that, I did have a really rough past week, doubts, mourning the person I once loved and married, missing my D, the year of BD happened, D’s birthday on Thursday, getting the paperwork. just everything kind of happened, and it happened worse than it had ever, but its part of the road. I know I might get down when the D is final but with that, I’ll be ok again. I mailed a card for D this morning, a birthday card and a gift card to a restaurant because we always took D out for dinner, I figure I’d still “Take her out” I also included a poem I wrote for her 3 years ago but never gave her. I always felt maybe ashamed to love her as much as I did or show it. (has to do with my childhood not her I now know) but it was time. I mailed it in the original paper I wrote it on, all crumbled and folded in my hand writing. I was going to re write it but…nah. Anyway, Here it is, You’re just a little girl now but someday you’ll understand That no matter how this world spins us ill be there to hold your hand We may not share the same blood but I raised you as my own & I hope you still turn to me when you’re old and grown It melts my heart to hear your say I love you almost every day An unconditional love I could not receive in any other way. you’re turning 8 now (she’s actually going to be 11) but pretty soon you’ll be 28 With your own life and kids and a loving soul mate. I’m so proud of the girl you are, I love who you’re becoming Smart, confident, caring sincere, and oh so very loving. Happy birthday, Her name, Your mom and I love you so much. I hope you have 100 more and still love us just as much. -I don’t regret not giving it to her before. It just is. And it’s time. My love for her has nothing to do with W and my relationship. I’ll always love her and she will always be my little girl.
At any rate I’m good. I’m happy, and I leave for vacation on fridayyyyy.
Me: 46 W: 44 Married: 17 Together 21 D13; S10 BD: 03.03.15 (Not attracted to you) Almost 2 years trying, alone, to save marriage Status now: Divorced (effective 06.13.17)
The fin stuff is rough, I suggest separating fin from D.
Like you I am going straight to Trial and a judge will decide. You likely won't get what you want and neither will WW. Truly it may be a mash up and I can only say ask L to forward all missives to you first before L replies. You can draft a reply with instruction and it can say "my client has instructed me not to reply on this issue".
My lovely cheesy enjoy your holiday.
V
Freedom is just another word for nothing left to loose. V 64, WAW
I am feeling some sort of way. First, my trip to mexico was amazing, of course. Then I returned for less than a week and my sister went into labor, so I left to go visit them. I made it in time for the birth. with that though came so many emotions of, last time my sister had a child my Wife was there, and being in nursing school she was an amazing help. This event marks the last of "the firsts" I have officially done everything once, without her. I have survived all holidays, all trips, all life events without her. I did it, I was / am happy. To an extent. But at the same time I feel like I'm dying inside again, every day. I can't help but to miss her, yes it's less and less each day. However, I still just want a hug from her. I think back (and I'm aware i need to stop) and picture her and I and our hugs, intimate and loving. and then, I don't want this, but at the same time how could I ever love her and be with her again? Very difficult place to be.
Idk. I also just realized, Like right this second, I haven't been taking my anti depression meds continuously since the beginning of the month. which leads me to believe I'm extra feeling everything because of it. But also makes me wonder, are they just numbing my real true feelings? is that healthy? So as I began writing this I was in tears, then realizing I'm crazy AF, and that If i was back on my meds like I should be, I would probably be more rational and less emotional.
