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PEW1974 Offline OP
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For the past 2 months I have been dealing with a WW. We had the talk about 7 weeks ago where she said I don't think I love you anymore. We have been living under the same roof since then. So my question is what type of boundaries are good to implement with a W who is currently having an affair and will not stop. Please consider I have a D17 and a S7.

Thanks.

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PEW1974 Offline OP
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To any who are interested in my story, here is a link to my first thread.

http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2739742#Post2739742

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Pew,

Read up a bit on latest posts. I know it kills us all thinking about the impacts to the kids. Key thing to remember is that you are not having the affair. Your W is making that choice and ultimately it is her decision that is impacting your kids.

Yes, as a father, you're wanting to protect them as much as possible. Agree with Sandi on cake eating for your W, but as the main bread winner working lots of hours I understand the dilemma. It is all about respect of you as a person and as a H.

All the best.


Me 42, Wife 39; Married 16; Together 17; Kids: D13, S10
Wife asks for Divorce: 03/19/13
Reconcile: 07/07/13
Round 2 Starts: 02/19/17
Apartment Life: 04/21/17
PA Confirmed: 05/23/17
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Pew,

Sandi mentioned about Cadet's "boundaries" post and I'm curious for my own boundaries in my sitch. I found the following quote and even though you might have read it, re-reading might not hurt.

Quote:
There used to be a poster here named Jayne, who one day summed up the concept of boundaries better and clearer than just about anything I've ever read, so I decided to save this in my archives. Obviously, change the gender as needed to fit your own sitch:

Jayne, on “boundaries”:

Think about boundaries like this:

Boundaries are not about controlling the other person, because boundaries are about drawing "circles" around *you* and determining what you will and won't allow inside that circle.

Your WxH can do whatever he wants OUTSIDE that circle. You are not telling him what to do.

But you will only let into that circle people who treat you with respect.

He's free to go on treating you with disrespect, but you won't know about it because he'll be outside your circle. He's free to go on and draw his own boundaries of no expectations and no responsibilities, outside your circle.

He can do WHATEVER he wants. He's a free person, free to make WHATEVER choices he wants.

BUT SO ARE YOU, and you are free to choose who to allow within your circle.

That's all. Not about trying to control him at all. Tell him he's totally free. He has the WHOLE WORLD, outside your circle, to go and do whatever he wants.

If he's saying you have to let him into your circle no matter what, then THAT is about HIM controlling YOU.


Me 42, Wife 39; Married 16; Together 17; Kids: D13, S10
Wife asks for Divorce: 03/19/13
Reconcile: 07/07/13
Round 2 Starts: 02/19/17
Apartment Life: 04/21/17
PA Confirmed: 05/23/17
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PEW1974 Offline OP
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Tryin2figuritout,

Thank you for your concern. I see by your signature that you are separated while living together. That is the current situation I am in so my question is how have you handled it and what methods are you currently enacting? Also have you stated any boundaries and if so, which ones have you enforced and how did you present them to your S?

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Tryin2figuritout,

Thanks for finding this quote. It is clear and makes perfect sense. And I will definitely use this one. I'm also interested in hearing how you handle the boundaries you came up considering that you two are still in the same home. Not sure if one of those consequences would be evicting the W.


MR: 15 T:17
Me: 37 W: 34
S14
BD/PA/EA: 12/2016
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PEW1974 Offline OP
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Cadet,

Can you please show me the link to your post on boundaries. I apologize for not being able to locate it. Thank you.

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Pew,

It's on Cadet's welcome post with all the links. I copied here for you:

http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2536096#Post2536096

Good luck!!


Me 42, Wife 39; Married 16; Together 17; Kids: D13, S10
Wife asks for Divorce: 03/19/13
Reconcile: 07/07/13
Round 2 Starts: 02/19/17
Apartment Life: 04/21/17
PA Confirmed: 05/23/17
Joined: Apr 2017
Posts: 223
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PEW1974 Offline OP
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Great thank you.

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So my W was taking my son to his soccer game and she called me to complain about my D17. My D17 has to decide which college she will be attending and my W is mad that she thinks she wants to attend a school in Florida. She is dead against it and I said I trust my D17 to make her own decision. She is a really good kid and me and her have really bonded over the last year. I told her that is her decision and I will back whatever choice she makes. She proceeded to get aggravated at me. I told her calmly there is no reason to get mad at me and if she wants later the three of us can have a talk and air whatever our concerns are but the decision is still here to make.

I will be honest, at this point I have an really starting to rethink if I want to fight for my W anymore. Her BS is now going to affect my child. I don't think so.

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