Is it Midlife Crisis, Walkaway Spouse or the End?

[Sjs777]

She once told me, and forgot she did, say she often stays with a new couple she hangs out with. I suspect there may be someone else, gut feeling, no evidence.

She works full time at a decent job she's been at for 10 years

Empty nest has been very tough on her. Initially she cried a lot. 6 months later... bomb drop. She can't/won't make a connection between the two. Since then my dad died unexpectedly

[Gordie]

Staying every weekend away with a new friend? Yeah, that seems really suspicious. Are you still physically attracted to one another? What do you want to happen? How can we help?

[Sjs777]

Ive put on weight over the years, where as she has recently lost. No doubt i need to make myself more physically attractive, which I've started. The greatest support and feedback i need is support or even harsh criticism. Beginning to feel as though all is lost unless i do something more

[Gordie]

So part of the wisdom of DB is recognizing you can't control anyone but yourself. What can you do to improve yourself? Physically? Emotionally? Spiritually? As a father? As a friend? How was your sexual relationship?

[Sjs777]

It certainly is. Ive grown to appreciate that. To be honestly I learned it pretty quickly after bomb drop. For me its feeling i should be working harder somehow on reconnecting the spark as opposed to feeling idle. Some other sites and programs talk of much the same but to work on reigniting the spark through specific actions or words beyond awaiting the possibility of a change of heart from the spouse. Unless I'm missing something. I do realize that many DB and 180 actions pave the way, but after 6 months am feeling perhaps i should do more

[Sjs777]

By no means am I taking anything away from DB'ing or 180 its my own frustration

[Sjs777]

i have the utmost faith in the DB method I'm just not seeing much change with me distancing and Ive been applying the methods for 5 months. Yes, we no longer argue and conversations, although brief, are respectful. I'm torn whether I continue with much the same or make further change. Ive looked closer to see whether there were things i were doing that i should and recognized I do all the work around the house. Truthfully it doesn't bother me however for her its no doubt as though she gets her freedom and a well kept house to stay in. Ive stopped doing her laundry, which I never considered before. I'm not certain she feels 'the spark'. Should I be concerned at this stage?
Yesterday she invited me to few hour event in support of my nephew, on her side. She left afterwards and stayed out for the night, as she does, on weekends. But it was a fun time and it was nice seeing my nephews. I caught her looking at me a few times as i joked with them and laughed a lot. Otherwise things are much the same

[Sjs777]

I'm on the cusp of more actively GAL as I have a band practise with a group of 9 in two weeks as it kept getting rescheduled. When I first met my separated spouse I played guitar for hours a day, in fact she used to beg me to stop and come see her. I too may begin some backyard landscaping work in the coming weeks and will have my son and daughters bf assist. Ive just gotten back to working out recently.

[Sjs777]

no doubt the progress of me GAL has been hindered by the death of my father 2 months ago, as well as the fact that i haven't kept in touch with old friends over the years, and those closest to me were her family and friends. That said, Ive decided no more convenient excuses.

[Gordie]

You keep bringing up your father's death. Was everything fine before then? I understand no spark now? But what about before b d?