3 Years post BD ... I did'nt die. :D

[Sotto]

Hi Cali, pleased to hear how well you are doing. I'm on a similar timeline to you and coming up to the 3 year mark in July. I'm already D'd though - due to XH's rush to start a new life and family with OW!

I'm with you, in that I would never have wished for the journey, but in many ways it has done me so much good. Yes it was tough but..

It is good to see your reaction to and perspective on your W's behaviour. So many situations on here rumble along with the WAS/MLCer continuing on in their groove. Truly, it is so important to be in your own groove, watch from the sidelines and live your life. Being the man/woman you want to be..

I think if we do all of that, we really can't go too far wrong. For me, I really don't feel too much angst WRT XH and OW because I truly wouldn't want what they have. Ie: a R that started in infidelity, lies and deceit - it's not how I would want my life to be and I wouldn't want for my current relationship to have been 'born' in those circumstances...

Any ways - I always admire you Cali and I always read your posts because you always post something worth reading..

Have a lovely weekend!

[Irish M]

Hi Cali
Hope all is good and the weather is warming up in your area.
How did Mother's Day go for your MCLr. I'm sure you handled it with class

Irish

[mleigh4]

Hi Cali. Hope all is well with you and S.

[CaliGuy]

Wow .... had to go back and read my own thread a bit, hard to believe its been 2 months since I have updated ... I recall a time the updates were daily... MLCr sneezed, MLCr blinked, Mlcr wore new socks.

Well lets see, I have been pretty busy. I had to laugh at myself a little bit as I sat down this weekend after going out to a little party. Over the past few months I got a new tattoo, bought a truck, continue to ride the Harley as much as possible given the weather here has been amazing and it hit me, outside of a OW I would diagnose myself as having MLC with all these changes ... but then I realized I am not in crisis, I am just living life and still doing a good deal of mirror work. Something I am not so sure will ever stop as every time I improve I feel the rush to continue doing so.

As far as the MLCr goes ... there seems to be an increase in phone calls where as she could just as easily text or email. Seems to have started back around Mothers Day as I mentioned and continued. S talked to her last week and shared with me she was crying and did not share with him why. I Listened to him and showed some compassion but honestly didn't really give it much thought at the time. A few days later talking to a fiend as his Anniversary would coming up it hit me .. yup... Her crying was on our anniversary, the day went by without me even noticing though its always around Fathers Day and to be honest I could never really remember it even when we were actively married ... Bad Husband ...lol

Another head scratcher, S told me she picked out the Fathers day card and gift, the gift was a DVD ... to which I chuckled as S knows 'Dad' is an internet Pirate....."Argghhhh", I stream stuff that is in the theaters but as S was quick to point out .. it was a nice thing. The card perked my ears a bit ... said something about being an amazing role model, I am still not sure what struck me more, the wording of the card or the fact she went out and picked it up.

So with all that ^^ I have been really trying to live my life without the MLC glasses on to be honest. It helped me to understand how someone could annihilate 25+ years but now whats done is done. I thought the other day, I am so far removed from where I was and who I was at BD that this person and the person she showed me would not really have much in common. I say this from a place of indifference without much feeling. That advice I received about walking my own path and not worrying about where she is, she would have to catch up has come to fruition and honestly she would have to sprint for years to get to where I am and where I continue to push myself.

That said .... I think deep down I still want to have the option to make that decision, 'to R or not' .... I am of the 1-5% mind that it would happen but I find the idea of that would come with some closure that none of us ever really seem to achieve unless you actually do reconcile.

I have been doing a good deal of reading and listening to self improvement techniques which revolve around visulization and actively pursuing goals. This has helped my overall moods and energy, along with summer I just seem to have this everything is new and leading to something better feeling as I look forward to whatever it is may come.

I hope you all are well ... as always I pop in and read a bit

[mirage]

Cali,

Great update. Glad you are still improving yourself. I don't think that journey should ever stop.

I think you hit it on the head, I would describe my feeling toward my EXW as indifference. It just doesn't matter.

Your journey sounds awesome to me.

Mirage

[Gordie]

Cali,

Good for you! You are a great encouragement that life can go on well without w.

[bttrfly]

fantastic job Cali - great to hear from you! what a power of example you are! xoxoxo

[Irish M]

great update Cali,

your personal growth is your prize in all this. Also the strong relationship you have with your son.

Reading your post about the tattoo.. the truck.. Harley riding... i was getting worried. Glad to see you are enjoying life. That is the way it was meant to be.

thanks again for being here. You were and still are my strength i draw from this place.


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