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bluMorn,

Well, if he's hitting the end of the rope and going out for a major sendoff bender that could be a good sign. You sound like you have enough experience with the disease of addiction to know you can't always trust the signs, but a lot of times rock bottom is at the end of one last major bender. I'm also glad to hear he's already familiar with the program and has active recovery time. I'll keep praying that he remembers how good that felt. Retreads have a lot of success in the program.


M:33 W:34
S:9 S:11
M:12 years T:16

BD: 02-09-2017 (ILYBINILWY)
MC Started: 2-12-2017
EA Discovered: 2-13-2017
PA Discovered: 4-16-17
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Yesterday was our anniversary. I didn't acknowledge the day really, but I did text him and say 'Just checking in to say hi. Hope you are doing ok.', to which he replied 'Thank you. Doing okay. I hope that you are as well'. Other than that, we haven't had any contact since 4/23. I'm not going to initiate any more contact unless it's some sort of emergency.

I think I'm becoming more accepting of this situation. I know that right now, this is how it needs to be. If we reconcile at some point, we do both need to make some changes. I'm working on my side of the street, and doing my best to detach from his.


Me: 40 H:42
M 13 yrs, T 15yrs
SD19, D18, SS15
BD: 3/4/17 - ILYBNILWY
He moved out: 4/3/17
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My H just stopped by out of the blue to get some things for his patio, and extra chair, his barbell, and his jerseys. I had the neighbors four insane kids over here (their babysitter was sick), so the whole scene was chaotic. He mentioned that he was going to come to my daughter's graduation, but not sit near us or let anyone see him. I was on the verge of tears the whole time. I've been trying so hard to detach, but just when I think I have, here come the tears again. I just can't believe he's so cavalier about everything, like we were just casual daters or something. The stuff for his patio he took from his 'man cave' here, and why would anyone need all their football jerseys in May. It just makes me feel like he's never coming back.


Me: 40 H:42
M 13 yrs, T 15yrs
SD19, D18, SS15
BD: 3/4/17 - ILYBNILWY
He moved out: 4/3/17
Joined: Apr 2017
Posts: 16
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So this morning, some friends of ours message us on facebook saying they are having a last minute crawfish boil, and would like us to come if we are not busy. Of course, they don't know about the separation, and I was just agonizing about what to say (it was a group message, and I knew H had already seen the message too). A little while later he asked to see if I was going, that he was going and bringing my SS and nephew. I asked would you be okay with me going, and he said of course, so I said I was (I wanted to anyway). He said he'd be there about 5:30. I'm a little nervous because I have no idea how to act. I plan to get there earlier than him (he has work). These friends are a little older than us, and are great people, and I'd really love to get their advice on this.


Me: 40 H:42
M 13 yrs, T 15yrs
SD19, D18, SS15
BD: 3/4/17 - ILYBNILWY
He moved out: 4/3/17
Joined: Apr 2017
Posts: 16
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Crawfish boil was interesting. Several times he told me he misses me, loves me, but still needs to have time on his own to experience supporting himself. He said that he would like for us to date in the future, but not the immediate future. He was also very drunk, so I took him to his apartment. He gave me the tour, and we talked some more, kissed some, and it was all very weird. My nephew and stepson were also there - stepson wound up coming home with me. I've never been so confused in my life.


Me: 40 H:42
M 13 yrs, T 15yrs
SD19, D18, SS15
BD: 3/4/17 - ILYBNILWY
He moved out: 4/3/17
Joined: Apr 2017
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I wouldn't put too much into it. H was drunk, which gives him an excuse to back track if you ask him about what he said later on. Though people tend to tell the truth when drunk, so those might be his true feelings. To me it sounds as if he is still interested. But has his own issues to get through. I guess it all depends on how patient your willing to be with him?


MR: 15 T:17
Me: 37 W: 34
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I don't plan on bringing up anything that was said. I am willing to be patient - not indefinitely I'm sure, but I think I can give him 6 months, a year at this point. His lease is for a year. I feel like he's having some sort of crisis - maybe MLC, maybe just alcohol/meds, something, so I'm chalking it up to in sickness and in health for the time being. Time will tell.


Me: 40 H:42
M 13 yrs, T 15yrs
SD19, D18, SS15
BD: 3/4/17 - ILYBNILWY
He moved out: 4/3/17
Joined: Apr 2017
Posts: 16
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After NC since last Saturday, got a Happy Mother's Day text from him yesterday. I just responded 'thank you for thinking of me'. Spent most of the day at my parent's with family, that was fun. Work and Alanon today.


Me: 40 H:42
M 13 yrs, T 15yrs
SD19, D18, SS15
BD: 3/4/17 - ILYBNILWY
He moved out: 4/3/17
Joined: Apr 2017
Posts: 16
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Just checking in - D18 graduated high school on Tuesday. H was there but didn't sit near us or anything (with over 300 graduates it was a crowded stadium). He did text that it made him very happy to see her graduate, and I said I appreciated him being there. He said he wouldn't have missed it.

She is my D that he adopted when she was 8. In the past couple of years, she has been quite a handful - not going to school, hanging out with boys all hours of the night. We had her put on probation, sent to 3 different facilities....it was a very hard road, and I thought she'd never graduate. Her and Hs relationship is all but dead due to her issues and his addiction issues. They have spewed a lot of anger towards each other. But, when I told her H was coming to the graduation, but not sitting near us, she thought that was stupid, that he should just sit by us. I didn't relay that information to him, because the seating thing was his idea and I wasn't going to try to change his mind.

He came to pick up mail the next morning, but we just exchanged pleasantries. Other than that, no contact. I have not been initiating at all. It's starting to get a little easier.


Me: 40 H:42
M 13 yrs, T 15yrs
SD19, D18, SS15
BD: 3/4/17 - ILYBNILWY
He moved out: 4/3/17
Joined: Apr 2017
Posts: 16
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H came by this afternoon to give me some money for his car insurance and get some mail. It was pleasant enough, and he even expressed some stresses/frustrations about his living situation. I kept quiet about it and just smiled and nodded, which may be sort of a 180 for me, because I tended to tell him I told you so a lot or at least put in my 2 cents. I try very hard to have no expectations, but part of me just wants him to declare his undying love and say he wants to come back. Silly, I know. It really makes me see the importance of limited contact, because I'm a mess after every contact at this point! At least I don't let him see it too much, I hope.


Me: 40 H:42
M 13 yrs, T 15yrs
SD19, D18, SS15
BD: 3/4/17 - ILYBNILWY
He moved out: 4/3/17
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