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Lana_71 Offline OP
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I would like to share an ancient story
Once upon a time a king asked his minster why his servant is so happy although he owns nothing while the king is always sad and depressed? the minister said try the 99 rule with him and you will find out. So the king asked what is the 99 rule? The minister said put a bag of 99 dollars on his door and write him a note saying this 100 dollars are a gift for you ? Then wait and see.
and so he did and the servant got the money but when he count it he found it missing one dollar so he started looking for it and made everyone in his family look for that missing dollar, he was grumpy, angry frustrated and did not know how to sleep that night.
So next day the king saw him depressed and frustrated so he knew the meaning of the 99 rule, we forget the 99 blessing that were given to us and we sometimes focus on the one we are missing. Moral of the story we need to focus on what we have and let go of what we don't have. it might come later on , it might not, or a better thing might be written for us.

I liked the story and thought would like to share it here.


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Thank you for the reminder Lana.

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Lana, you too I guess are learning the lesson of not waiting anymore for your happiness to begin.

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Lana_71 Offline OP
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Own I am big time. Actually my biggest fear now is that it might be worse if he comes back broken and still undecided or confused... so now I am in control of my day and destiny ...so I see today is good , maybe if he turns back it will not so why live for something now sure and waste today .


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I love this prabale! Thank you for sharing.


Gordie 40s W 40s M20+ kids
2016 BD W fantasy affair w OM1 I do everything wrong
2017 I start to DB W says TLTL files for D PA w OM2
2018 I do LRT W drops filing and OM2 situation slowly improving
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HI, so I have been busy lately. Will be finishing my job shortly and going back home along with the kids. I am ensuring we enjoy every minute of it. Last weeken was lots of fun we went hiking and tree treking and zip lining, a beautiful experience although I did chicken out in the beginning but when kids done I guess I could not. Amazing feeling. We went with a group of friends. Me and kids had to tried with one guywho I recently was introduced to. He is a real gentleman and was engaging and took care of the kids and tried to make them laugh. It was a very weird feeling for me as I knew I am not ready yet to even think of anyone yet nor would want to . I was a bit distant and didnot want to give the wrong impression. Unfortunately he is divorced and was very much hurt by his wife when she kicked him out. Not sure why . It seems he doesnot know and is so much hurt why she destroyed his life. His relationship with her is nonexistent and unfortunately the kids were involved . To me he seems decent loving his kids and his old life very much spiritual and tries to help anyone he can.

At I think it was a great outing we had fun and I got some confidence that I am standing where I want to be.

Well we have not heard from H since his last interaction withD for the gift. Not that he contacted her later. Maybe got hurt she refused his gift maybe not...have no idea... No need to think or speculate what he is thinking of not thinking.i don't want to return to that part.


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Great news! Sounds like you guys are doing really well.

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Hello
So last week was also lots of fun ... we went to music festival and we're also doing some last minute shopping before we travel back. No word from H . Except avmsg of him changing his phone number.
I am not sure why he keep doing . Some times he had been Kate on paying bills or then splitting business from personal and so on. U think sometimes he is doing it for other reasons but you never know.

Kids having fun on on multiple occasions asked if we will be going to see him before summer ends. Last summer I took them to his town and rented a place for 10 days. Don't think I can do that this year if he does not chip in. I changed the subject on every occasion saying it depends on him and his schedule.

Unfortunately they don't want to ask him or pressure him I think. They think their dad is going through depression and extremely stressed out. They think I am the stronger parent.

Well this is extremely strange how can he says he loves them then completely cut them as if they don't exists .

I now rarely think of him. Feel sad for whatever he is going through for I do believe it is unnatural and there is no way he can be happy this way completely ignoring us. Maybe I am naive and maybe he has that peace with himself but I somehow don't believe that.

I wonder if he ever will wake up or have the courage to face his doings one day fir his and kids sake. I don't see my self with him no more. And I don't see myself with any other person yet . Don't think I am comfortable with that either.


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Lana, your patience is extraordinary. You have obviously passed that compassion on to your girls. I'm so thrilled to hear you guys are having such a nice summer!

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Hello
It has been arround a month since my last post . Unfortunately I lost my grandma this month. She was an symbol of how anyone should live. Whenever she felt we are distressed her motto would be throw it behind your back and keep moving. Don't look back and decide what is better for you and your kids... I love her influence on me and my kids life. She was an elegant lady who took care of herself and you would never found her untidy. Till her last days she took care of her looks, hair was always dyed. Clothes were always elegant and cheerful . Had a beautiful scarf that gave her grace. Basically a very well rounded woman whose life was full of life lessons for all her kids, grand kids and great grand kids.

I have not heard anything from H since I came back but when she passed away I didnot know whether to let him know or not.in a way I know he will not be if any support but if I don't say I give him an excuse to say he didnot know. On the other hand I know I would do what is right and I give him the choice to do the right thing or not. Hence sent him a msg saying that she passed. . He usually replies on msg but never initiate any. So he did this time saying he is sorry and sending his condolence and would try to call. And had some struggles. So I asked what struggles and what does he mean by try. His response was he feels like a door salesman as he is on the move from one place to the other , he is having health struggles with his back nothing can't be managed according to him . I left it at that gave him my mom number if he would like to send his condolences directly. Of course he didnot.

A week later I felt a bit emotional and sent another msg saying it seems he had his own life Let's talk to decide how to move things forward. Of course no answer . In the meantime my eldest sent him a msg of whether they will see him this year since they last seen hima year ago and during the year they spoke to him maybe arround 4 times in total. He replied that he is traveling now but once he gets back will have to apply for a visa and come over. "Same thing he is been telling me since last year but never applied nor came".

Ownit you ask me how can I be so patient with him. Honestly speaking I think I have no option. I can ask for divorce now but what is my gain, nothing will change in my life. It will not make him a better father. He will not ask more about his kids.

The only thing I can do is I can date but then again I am not thinking about that now... I am living my life the way I want going out and having fun. and if I end up liking someone I can always request D .

I focus now on my self first and the kids second. I believe as long as I am satisfied and happy kids reads those vibes and this gives them the feeling of security. I don't believe that a place, a school or any external thing can bring us happiness . Enhanced surrounding can help but they are not the solution . That is why I am not fixated on these things.

I live week by week . Little planning but completely not as before . Not a fixer nor as planner but always try to do what I think is right for me . Now how others decide to respond it is up to them.

Life is too short and I guess we all have our choices and I choose to be happy and enjoy my life with my family and kids. And honestly don't need anyone who does not want to be arround us for whatever reasons.
Death is an amazing lesson of how trivial life is and how we only have now to live, laugh and be happy.
I don't intend to make this a depressing thought but I felt I have completely detached from h and dont have any expectations again. He might ask about his kids he might not . He might want to see them one day he might not that is his loss. Maybe we are spared from seeing something that will even hurt us more.

Last edited by job; 08/28/17 10:31 AM. Reason: Added spacing between paragraphs

M 45 H 45
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