OK, so come to find out it would have been the right thing to continue to try to talk to her. It was the wrong idea to pull away in this manner. I guess I live and learn and should have listen to my gut on this one. She basically thought that I wasn't wanting to talk to her and I thought the same thing about her not wanting to talk to me. She still maintains that she wasn't ignoring me and that she was just having super weird awake hours because she was not sleeping and then crying all night and sleeping all day then feeling like crap and repeating it. That being said I saw the phone records and can see what was really happening towards the end anyway, but she still hasn't mentioned that to me. I really really want to bring it up too, but I didn't. I remained calm the entire time we talked with only one time raising my voice a little to get through to her.
She is still very negative about being on west coast and that is her biggest obstacle right now, which is a big one. She maintains the fear of things not changing and her not being fully happy if she moves back in with me because she will be away from family and friends. She is also very adamant about not wanting kids, which I still think is a lie, but that was the one reason I had to raise my voice because she wasn't listening to me and was telling me what I thought.
I told her I have the same fears she does about things not changing and she brought up again, would I be afraid of her just running off again. That's a tricky one for me because the answer is yes of course, but she acted weird towards that last time. This time I told her no, not really because if we decided to work things out then I would be more concerned about how our communication was with each other and working on the relationship to be thinking about that, which is actually true.
She was much more emotional and did break down and start crying and said she doesn't want to do it any more over and over again. What she meant by that is she wants a divorce. When we first started talking I told her that I wanted to write her because I felt I cold better organize my thoughts that way. I told her that I was pretty confused on things and there were so many thoughts going on in my head that it was hard for me to even speak about things. She said it was fine to write to her. We had a lot of discussion about the things that hurt her and how she felt ugly to me and things that were red flags. I was able to open up to her better and explain my stance on those things. She understands it better, but it's nothing we can fix and its hindsight now. Wished I would have told her those things then. I said I did too. This is also an issue of she hears me saying this stuff now, but how does she know that there will be real change.
I mentioned to her that I don't want our old relationship back and I want a new one. She asked what that would look like. I said better communication, me being home, making her family a priority to go visit among a few other things. She is still afraid of it only changing for a short time then going back to the way it was and then stressed again that she doesn't want to live on the west coast, she actually stressed this a lot.
She asked me if separation ever crossed my mind. She also was considering it the same as divorce. I told her of course it was a thought of a possible out come, but it wasn't something I considered to do. She told me that it wasn't something she also considered until just recently. I am thinking that my lack of communication had something to do with that unfortunately. She mentioned also in the beginning of the conversation that she had called me to tell me something (that she wanted a divorce), but now she wasn't sure. Then again at the end of the conversation after some stronger emotions came out and she cried she was talking of not wanting to do it any more and divorce is the answer.
I talked to her about red flags that I seen from her like her almost suicidal depression and the fact that she wanted to postpone the marriage in the beginning. She said that we should have talked about future things to see if we had plans that would match up, but of course I was the fool that never really talked about things and just felt that things would work themselves out. Obviously that was the wrong way of going about it and I know that. The one thing she isn't seeing is the fact that I have always been there for her through all of her ups and downs and issues that she has. I would have never come to her conclusion of leaving, but she is blind to anything good right now I think.
I found it interesting that she asked about the book I was reading again and I gave her the same answer. It seemed to bother her and she said fine then I don't need to know. She did ask if it was some Christian book that told me how to be a good husband. It was a very direct question so I did answer that and told her no, not even close. Oh one other thing is she is vaping, which she knows I don't like. She is doing it to get her cannabis oil for her back and episodes she says, but such an odd thing to want to do. Especially when she had stopped smoking before I met her and was so happy her parents stopped smoking too. I am pretty sure vaping is worse for you. It's also a big turn off for me....
At the end of the conversation I told her there were things that I did know and I was solid on. I said that she was the love of my life, she has my heart and I picked her for a reason and I know that she loves me too. I told her that I was truly sorry for hurting her, which she told me she has forgiven me for it. I told her that I don't want a divorce and that I don't want the old relationship back and I wanted a new one. I said that if we make it through this or marriage will be that much stronger for it. I said it breaks my heart that it has come to this after all we had been through together. The fact that we both still love each other deserves a chance to fight for our marriage. The last thing I said is I wouldn't have any part of a divorce.
After getting off the phone I text her for a bit, just talking and not about the relationship. It felt good to text her more normally after the phone call. I still have a very unsure feeling about the whole as do I think she does too. That being said, she finally did talk about divorce, but at the same time she finally said she still loved me. It was kind of left up in the air st this point as to what to do next. I guess the gist of the conversation is.
1. She really doesn't want to live on the west coast.
2. Doesn't want to leave her family and friends.
3. Doesn't want kids.
4. Afraid of me not really changing and it going back to normal a year or two from now.
5. She doesn't really see a future with us anymore.
6. She sees the only thing happening other then getting a divorce is her moving back to West Coast and never truly being happy because being away from her friends and family.
7. Brought up a few times about me never wanting to live on the east coast too. I did tell her that it was a decision we would have to make together. (I don't really answer this question because I don't really believe it is the issue and I think that she can be happy on the west coast if other changes happened)
I mentioned again wanting to go to see Michelle in Colorado. She is against it, but said "FINE LETS GO TO F'ING COLORADO TO DO THIS COUNSELING IF IT WILL MAKE YOU FEEL BETTER!! I THINK IT'S A WASTE OF F'ING MONEY!!" I calmly told her I wouldn't say it's a waste of money if it is working on us. I thought it would be healthy for both of us. She kept repeating that if it doesn't get the results I want, which is her to move back and continue with our marriage, then it's a waste of money. I told her I'm not wanting to try to swindle her with it and I want her to go with an open heart and mind. She says she still doesn't see it helping because she has already made up her mind. This is when I mentioned it being good for both of us because if anything it would give us some kind of closure rather it is one way or the other. She has had bad experiences with counseling before so she is making up her mind about it before she has even experienced it. I also said that I think she has never truly been happy with herself and it would be a good thing for both of us to go through.
I know that is kind of just thrown together, but it was a lot said and I my brain is on over drive, so I wanting to type as much as I could down to get something out before I forget things.
What does everyone think about me taking her to see Michelle or at least doing the phone coaching?
I don't see much hope for this relationship and I still really love her, but she her less attractively more and more we go through this if that makes sense.
I am still thinking of writing the letter, but I wonder if I should really put all my thoughts that I have into it. I will post up here for you guys to decide.
One last thing I wanted to point out when I talked to her and when I told her about the things I did know and was solid on I was very calm and direct when I said it. I wasn't a blubbering idiot and emotional at all. I was confident when I said. So no begging or pleading going on. Just telling her what I believed in and wanted.
OK, so come to find out it would have been the right thing to continue to try to talk to her. It was the wrong idea to pull away in this manner. I guess I live and learn and should have listen to my gut on this one. She basically thought that I wasn't wanting to talk to her and I thought the same thing about her not wanting to talk to me.
I still dont see why it was the wrong thing. Because she didnt like it? So what? The point isnt to do everything you can to make her happy. I think, you pulling away drew her in to see what you were doing - that sounds like the RIGHT thing.
OK, so come to find out it would have been the right thing to continue to try to talk to her. It was the wrong idea to pull away in this manner. I guess I live and learn and should have listen to my gut on this one. She basically thought that I wasn't wanting to talk to her and I thought the same thing about her not wanting to talk to me.
I still dont see why it was the wrong thing. Because she didnt like it? So what? The point isnt to do everything you can to make her happy. I think, you pulling away drew her in to see what you were doing - that sounds like the RIGHT thing.
Well we are now talking about divorce and that wasn't a thing until recently. She said she would text me to see how I would respond and if I would talk to her. What I gathered from her talking about this was that it helped bring on the talk of divorce.
I agree with Kaizen. You had a wife that walked out and was not talking to you, at least not about anything substantive. You fought this at every level. You finally did what everyone was telling you and she was immediately reaching out to you and then initiated a relationship talk with you where you both communicated at a level that sounds like you never did before. How could you possibly see that as anything other than this process working?
Do you think that pulling away made her want to divorce you? No, she was already thinking that. The only difference is that your actions caused her to want to discuss this with you.
I brought up your job to you a while ago because that seems like the biggest impediment here. What is more important to you, your job or your wife? The West Coast or your wife? I too live on the West Coast. Have for a long time now. Have also lived on the East Coast and in Europe. Guess what, life doesn't end if you live elsewhere.
I had the "dream job" that kept me from moving with my H when he started medical school. Guess what, that was the beginning of the end for us. I finally left that job and am much happier now. Don't lose your wife because of a job unless you don't care that much about her.
You may not see this as a big deal, but you leave her to nothing and are gone for long periods of time. Guess what, plane tickets aren't that expensive. Find a way to make this work. Don't discount her feelings. Sounds like she is a bit of a delicate flower with the health issues. She probably needs the support of friends and family.
You have some serious decisions to make. Stop insisting on what things were when you first met. None of that is relevant anymore. Make your decision on whether you want her in your life.
You have some work to do now. Work with a DB coach to talk about how to expand on what has happened here. Don't go back to mundane discussions about cable bills. Your talk above sounds like you could have validated better, but on the whole it sounds like you communicated better with her than you have in the past. Keep it going!!
Well we are now talking about divorce and that wasn't a thing until recently.
I promise that it wasnt the absence of conversations like this:
Originally Posted By: Cali08
Here is the conversation we had via text.
ME: I was wondering if you could think of anything else that we should put in the garden.
W: I'll have to think about it, but nothing comes to mind yet.
ME: Im at Home Depo right now to buy a couple things and I'm looking at the outdoors stuff.
W: Now's the time to get it before the prices go up too much.
ME: The outdoors stuff? I was looking at fire pits, seating and tables which we don't need right now of course.
W: Yea that stuff
ME: Yeah like you said we don't need to be spending money right now. It's just fun looking at the stuff too and sometimes they have some unique things that are only there for a short time.
W: Yes it's fun to look
ME: Just don't need it, like you said it's time to save money.
I was trying to get her to engage in some talk of us, but she wouldn't engage at all with it. At this point she just changed the subject. This brings me my next group of text messages with her and me not understanding what the point is in ignoring what I'm saying completely and not giving me a simple answer of yes or no. Her change up in conversation came as.
W: When are you going to Alaska?
ME: Tomorrow. (She should know because I already sent her my itinerary and I made me want to say think why does it matter to her and why does she care)
W: I thought it was soon.
ME: OK........ (I was wanting to say other things, but I refrained and this is what I typed)
W: I was just asking
At this point in time I wanted to ask the big question of why does it matter to you, but I didn't want to go down that path so I held off for about hour and a half before texting back.
ME: Sorry I just got out of the shower and I was playing music while doing things around the house so I got distracted.
ME: Anyway, Alaska is so beautiful!! I think everyone should experience it once in their lifetime!
W: The pictured look nice
ME: The pictures of Alaska?
W: Yes...I look at pictures of Alaska and other places
ME: It's something else to see no matter what time of year, especially the glaciers.
W: Yeah looks lovely!
ME: Yes! You should see it!!
W: One day I will!!
ME: My offer still stands of coming out and staying while Im there. smile
Then nothing, but crickets coming from my wife as if I didn't say anything at all.
that was what was keeping her from using the D word.
Also, Im curious, what would really change in your life right now if you were divorced instead of just separated? I find the fear is much worse than the reality. Not saying that you should want to get divorced. Im just saying that it's just another word. A status update you make to the government. For all intents and purposes, youre already divorced.
Look for her actions, not her words. She initiated a talk about your relationship because she feels like shes losing you. I recommend you stop reassuring her that she isnt.
I'll post more about whether you "wasted" 6 years of your life with a woman you won't grow old with.
TRUST me - if that is how you see giving love to someone who does not always love you back the way you want, then a lot of us have wasted our lives.
For now my point is this - you keep acting as if your w "should" want to live on the west coast and be away from all of her family. You seem to think it's not as big a deal as she's making it to be, b/c once upon a time she seemed fine with it. She's not fine with it. She has her reasons but She has not been fine with it for a long time.
You refuse to move back east. You have your reasons. But it's still true. You refuse to move near her family. And the job you choose to have, makes you travel a lot.
You're baffled that she cannot see how much you love her. AND you're angry that she won't cave in.
Add in the reality that she has significant medical (depression) problems.
So pulling HER away from her support system is demanding more than she can give. Period.
Her family & friends see this much more clearly than you do. Many of them probably find your position untenable. Saying it's her "duty" to join you is soooo not persuasive and frankly, it just ignores HER needs.
You won't budge.
So all the words in the world, and all the insights you have, which I believe you do have,
have not moved you to change your original position.
So the stumbling block for her to really feel loved and safe, remains.
Only you can remove it, but you won't.
Sorry Cali08 I think you are a very well meaning guy. But there's a stubbornness to your position that is unfathomable.
I believe you could have moved for her and yes, even taken a pay cut, and God forbid, worst case scenario LOSE the profit on the house or even lose the house. For her.
But to keep demanding that she move back west when she feels it's obviously unhealthy for her to move west, is not defensible to me.
Originally I thought she just hated it there and was lonely. After 35 years of m and a slightly similar vein, I felt you were simply selfish and justifying that with your financial arguments. Just as my h insisted and seemed to believe that the ONLY Place he could earn the big bucks (much more important to him than to me, anyhow)
was Alaska and he had to get what he wanted...at all costs...and he hides from how much damage he has inflicted on our children and me and our family. Yes it's very selfish no matter how many times he would say it was for the family (money).
But your wife is sick. Her illness ebbs and flows. In her illness, which you knew of before you married her, one of the key essentials for improvement is an attentive support system.
I'm Sorry. Maybe it's too late, I don't know.
But you skimmed over the one threshold assumption through out this process, the one impasse you both had, b/c you simply do not want to lose the job and whatever goes with keeping it.
Your wife cannot move west to be with you. You want that to change OR you think she can just deal.
At what cost? I mean would you really want her out there alone so much, so sad,
risking... what?
** A WAW on this board did take her life. If you ever find "9lives" thread around here (if it's still up), you'll see that sometimes someone feels trapped and miserable enough to leave the planet.
I'll never forget that. In 9's case, the warning signs were not as clear as in yours.
But I'm no expert. I have not accompanied her in her episodes as you have.
My guess is that your w has a disease that is best treated with a support system and loved ones. You cannot provide on the west coast.
Maybe she's just trying to survive.
M: 57 H: 60 M: 35 yrs S30,D28,D19 H off to Alaska 2006 Recon 7/07- 8/08 *2016* X = "ALASKA 2.0" GROUND HOG DAY I File D 10/16 OW DIV 2/26/2018 X marries OW 5/2016
I agree with Kaizen. You had a wife that walked out and was not talking to you, at least not about anything substantive. You fought this at every level. You finally did what everyone was telling you and she was immediately reaching out to you and then initiated a relationship talk with you where you both communicated at a level that sounds like you never did before. How could you possibly see that as anything other than this process working?
Do you think that pulling away made her want to divorce you? No, she was already thinking that. The only difference is that your actions caused her to want to discuss this with you.
I can see how it is forcing things. I guess I was just thinking it wouldn't fast forward things to make a decision about actually divorcing. At least that is how I perceived it to some degree.
I brought up your job to you a while ago because that seems like the biggest impediment here. What is more important to you, your job or your wife? The West Coast or your wife? I too live on the West Coast. Have for a long time now. Have also lived on the East Coast and in Europe. Guess what, life doesn't end if you live elsewhere.
I had the "dream job" that kept me from moving with my H when he started medical school. Guess what, that was the beginning of the end for us. I finally left that job and am much happier now. Don't lose your wife because of a job unless you don't care that much about her.
My job isn't more important than my wife and it never has been, but I have always been the one who has supported us with the money I make from it. Quite honestly until she recently got a much better paying job we really needed me to keep that job so we could keep our house. I could actually live anywhere in the US other than Hawaii and Alaska with my current job. I personally don't really think my job has ever been the real issue I feel that living on the west coast hasn't been the real issue either. The more I go through this the more I feel that my wife is a depressed individual and and has been lost for a long time. I am sure she will find herself having the same issues sooner or later when the fun of being home wears off. When her friends start going back to their normal lives that don't include her in them and her parents want her to move out and she has to get a job again.
You may not see this as a big deal, but you leave her to nothing and are gone for long periods of time. Guess what, plane tickets aren't that expensive. Find a way to make this work. Don't discount her feelings. Sounds like she is a bit of a delicate flower with the health issues. She probably needs the support of friends and family.
You have some serious decisions to make. Stop insisting on what things were when you first met. None of that is relevant anymore. Make your decision on whether you want her in your life.
You have some work to do now. Work with a DB coach to talk about how to expand on what has happened here. Don't go back to mundane discussions about cable bills. Your talk above sounds like you could have validated better, but on the whole it sounds like you communicated better with her than you have in the past. Keep it going!!
Thanks for the help and advice! I do still want to make things work, but the longer it goes on and we are apart I feel that it makes it that much easier for her to forget about me and move on, but time will tell.
Well we are now talking about divorce and that wasn't a thing until recently.
I promise that it wasnt the absence of conversations like this:
Originally Posted By: Cali08
Here is the conversation we had via text.
ME: I was wondering if you could think of anything else that we should put in the garden.
W: I'll have to think about it, but nothing comes to mind yet.
ME: Im at Home Depo right now to buy a couple things and I'm looking at the outdoors stuff.
W: Now's the time to get it before the prices go up too much.
ME: The outdoors stuff? I was looking at fire pits, seating and tables which we don't need right now of course.
W: Yea that stuff
ME: Yeah like you said we don't need to be spending money right now. It's just fun looking at the stuff too and sometimes they have some unique things that are only there for a short time.
W: Yes it's fun to look
ME: Just don't need it, like you said it's time to save money.
I was trying to get her to engage in some talk of us, but she wouldn't engage at all with it. At this point she just changed the subject. This brings me my next group of text messages with her and me not understanding what the point is in ignoring what I'm saying completely and not giving me a simple answer of yes or no. Her change up in conversation came as.
W: When are you going to Alaska?
ME: Tomorrow. (She should know because I already sent her my itinerary and I made me want to say think why does it matter to her and why does she care)
W: I thought it was soon.
ME: OK........ (I was wanting to say other things, but I refrained and this is what I typed)
W: I was just asking
At this point in time I wanted to ask the big question of why does it matter to you, but I didn't want to go down that path so I held off for about hour and a half before texting back.
ME: Sorry I just got out of the shower and I was playing music while doing things around the house so I got distracted.
ME: Anyway, Alaska is so beautiful!! I think everyone should experience it once in their lifetime!
W: The pictured look nice
ME: The pictures of Alaska?
W: Yes...I look at pictures of Alaska and other places
ME: It's something else to see no matter what time of year, especially the glaciers.
W: Yeah looks lovely!
ME: Yes! You should see it!!
W: One day I will!!
ME: My offer still stands of coming out and staying while Im there. smile
Then nothing, but crickets coming from my wife as if I didn't say anything at all.
that was what was keeping her from using the D word.
Im not to clear on what you are referring to that was keeping her from using the D word? Are you just referring to how I was texting her or what I was specifically saying to her in the texts. Why would that keep her from using the D word?
Also, Im curious, what would really change in your life right now if you were divorced instead of just separated? I find the fear is much worse than the reality. Not saying that you should want to get divorced. Im just saying that it's just another word. A status update you make to the government. For all intents and purposes, youre already divorced.
I agree and I really am not afraid of the word. I think the one thing that I would be worried about is her trying to screw me over in some way and trying to get money out of me that I can't afford to pay her, especially now that I am back to one income. I would be really terrible to not only lose my wife, but my house that I have worked so hard for.
Look for her actions, not her words. She initiated a talk about your relationship because she feels like shes losing you. I recommend you stop reassuring her that she isnt.
She did initiate a talk, which I tried to do many times with her before and she pretty much made it difficult to do so. I find it a bit odd though if she feels she is losing me than why would she call me with the one purpose of saying she wants a divorce?It would be quite an easy thing for me to stop reassuring her that she isn't losing me, but I am not clear if that is the right thing to do in my situation.
I'll post more about whether you "wasted" 6 years of your life with a woman you won't grow old with.
TRUST me - if that is how you see giving love to someone who does not always love you back the way you want, then a lot of us have wasted our lives.
For now my point is this - you keep acting as if your w "should" want to live on the west coast and be away from all of her family. You seem to think it's not as big a deal as she's making it to be, b/c once upon a time she seemed fine with it. She's not fine with it. She has her reasons but She has not been fine with it for a long time.
You refuse to move back east. You have your reasons. But it's still true. You refuse to move near her family. And the job you choose to have, makes you travel a lot.
You seem to think that I once lived on the East Coast, but that couldn't be further from the truth. When I first met my wife she talked about always wanting to live on the West Coast and in particularly where we live in California. She was actually planning on moving before we were an item of any sort. It just worked out well for her meeting me and being able to do it with the person she supposedly loved. I have never out right refused to move near her family, but I don't think that is the real issue or do I think living on the West Coast being the issue either. As long as I have known her, with her ADHD, she has never been able to stay happy with anything for to long. It's a matter of fact that she used to say she would get easily bored with people, but she would say I was the only one she has never felt that way with. A very interesting statement indeed, it's funny how the more I have to think on things the more things come up that I have just forgot about or put no real importance too since it wasn't of any concern then.
You're baffled that she cannot see how much you love her. AND you're angry that she won't cave in.
Add in the reality that she has significant medical (depression) problems.
So pulling HER away from her support system is demanding more than she can give. Period.
Her family & friends see this much more clearly than you do. Many of them probably find your position untenable. Saying it's her "duty" to join you is soooo not persuasive and frankly, it just ignores HER needs.
Maybe to paint another picture of things here, which I never felt it was important to mention before, but she is black and I am white. We come from different cultures for sure, but she has always been in alignment with me on many many topics. Her parents had almost arguments with her on things that she didn't agree with them on, which I had nothing to do with at all. She made up her own mind on everything and I never expected or asked her to have all the same views as myself. It's sad to say, but I know that her parents didn't like my political stance on some things and got kind of angry at hers at the same time. Her friends also have differing views and I know that seemed to weigh on her because she felt she should have the same views as them. Such a horrible thing to get in the way of a marriage and I don't believe that it should, but in my case it seems it didn't help at all and believe me when I tell you I am not a very political person and I really try to stay away from the stuff.
You won't budge.
So all the words in the world, and all the insights you have, which I believe you do have,
have not moved you to change your original position.
So the stumbling block for her to really feel loved and safe, remains.
Only you can remove it, but you won't.
Sorry Cali08 I think you are a very well meaning guy. But there's a stubbornness to your position that is unfathomable.
I admit it. I have always been stubborn, but I am willing to do things right and make a new relationship between us if I could get the chance to do so, but she isn't giving me options. Doing something like quitting my job and moving to the East Coast isn't a practical decision at this point in time. I know this is vice versa for her, but she can always just run back to mom and dads house, I don't have the same luxury as her unfortunately.
I believe you could have moved for her and yes, even taken a pay cut, and God forbid, worst case scenario LOSE the profit on the house or even lose the house. For her.
But to keep demanding that she move back west when she feels it's obviously unhealthy for her to move west, is not defensible to me.
Originally I thought she just hated it there and was lonely. After 35 years of m and a slightly similar vein, I felt you were simply selfish and justifying that with your financial arguments. Just as my h insisted and seemed to believe that the ONLY Place he could earn the big bucks (much more important to him than to me, anyhow)
was Alaska and he had to get what he wanted...at all costs...and he hides from how much damage he has inflicted on our children and me and our family. Yes it's very selfish no matter how many times he would say it was for the family (money).
Not as easy as me just losing the house and job and moving to the East Coast. She lives in an area that is just as expensive as where I live now and probably a little more. Moving to the East Coast would leave us both in a much worse situation then coming back to an established place that we own and doing it right the second time around. Like I said above I think a ton of the issues she was having are easily dealt with and I wish I would have put more effort it is the first time, but hindsight is always better.
But your wife is sick. Her illness ebbs and flows. In her illness, which you knew of before you married her, one of the key essentials for improvement is an attentive support system.
I'm Sorry. Maybe it's too late, I don't know.
But you skimmed over the one threshold assumption through out this process, the one impasse you both had, b/c you simply do not want to lose the job and whatever goes with keeping it.
Your wife cannot move west to be with you. You want that to change OR you think she can just deal.
At what cost? I mean would you really want her out there alone so much, so sad,
risking... what?
** A WAW on this board did take her life. If you ever find "9lives" thread around here (if it's still up), you'll see that sometimes someone feels trapped and miserable enough to leave the planet.
I'll never forget that. In 9's case, the warning signs were not as clear as in yours.
But I'm no expert. I have not accompanied her in her episodes as you have.
My guess is that your w has a disease that is best treated with a support system and loved ones. You cannot provide on the west coast.
Maybe she's just trying to survive.
Maybe she is just trying to survive. I guess she will find out if she can do it on her own. I know I wasn't the best at being home, but I was always supporting her and my family supported her, in a lot of ways, more than her actual family does and that is a sad truth.
