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Cali08 Offline OP
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This^^ is so, NOT attractive. You're on the really neat trip, not her. This reeks of self pity and mind reading. Saying that you are so low on her list is begging for reassurance and asking for more contact, reassurance that she cannot give. AND YOU ARE making it harder to want to give it. Comes off sounding so needy and in this circumstance she may find that ironic.

Nooooo to #3

You could have said the first one, added something SHE WOULD LIKE in #2 and drop the rest.

Can you see why?

25yearsmlc, yes I ca see why. Funny thing is my intentions of the text were totally different then they are sounding to you guys, so this is good stuff for me to hear! This is giving me a much better idea of how to interact with her and actually text her without ignoring her completely. I think I might be finally getting some of this a little better now. crazy

Today I text her to just see how she was doing and this is how is went. Let me know if it was better please.

ME: Good morning. Are you doing ok, no more episodes

W: Good afternoon. I'm doing ok. No more episodes so far

ME: That's good, I hope no more.

W: I hope no more too frown

ME: I wish they would go away for good.

W: I do too. They are few and far between now. Maybe it's this oil that is really helping

ME: Good smile

That was it for the day. Now I have to consider how often I should text her and check on her well being. I certainly can't text about the same thing all the time. It seems she was considering texting me after all that time of from me texting her, but I still ended up texting her first. I would rather just wait for her to initiate it all, but I feel it's not the right thing to do still. Like I said Im going to give it a few days.

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Cali08 Offline OP
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If anyone cares to read the first thread on this here it is.

http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2740028&page=1

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Cali08 Offline OP
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Lana,

So what Im starting to gather here on talking to my wife is maybe text her to check up on her, not as in keeping tabs of course, but text to make sure she is doing ok. Ask if she has had anymore episodes or if she is enjoying her time with her parents and so on. The the impression I get from others on here is that I should contact her at all and let her initiate it all. You are right when I don't get it. Hopefully getting more of the book read will help with that.

Like I said I didn't get her I thought about texting you the other day text and if I should comment on that. I thought of just telling her he could text me anytime or is that the wrong idea too? I will text her a little later today to see if she is episode free and Ill keep it brief if she text back, but won't worry about it if she doesn't respond. Considering now that I think about it she still hasn't responded to my last text message at all, but maybe because I said I missed my adventure buddy. I wonder if she would have responded if I address her comment on texting me. Either it's a done deal now, so moving on.

I completely agree with you, at least how I feel about it anyway, is that if I ignore her message it's more of the same old that she has complained about so that is why it's so hard for me to figure this text stuff out.

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Yes the book will help a lot. I don't think you can do this program without getting, reading and knowing, the book. It forms the base of this program.

It's an unusual approach. But it has a success rate higher than most, but always remember that if you are here on one of these sites, it means one of you already wants out.

No short cuts. You're in Alaska, right?. If you have an E book, maybe you can read it at "night". Last time I hunted there I got a 6 minute timed shower, after a week long hunt.

No Kindles at the time. I don't know how you're posting, actually


M: 57 H: 60
M: 35 yrs
S30,D28,D19
H off to Alaska 2006
Recon 7/07- 8/08
*2016*
X = "ALASKA 2.0"
GROUND HOG DAY
I File D 10/16
OW
DIV 2/26/2018
X marries OW 5/2016

= CLOSURE 4 ME
Embrace the Change
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Cali08 Offline OP
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Originally Posted By: 25yearsmlc
Yes the book will help a lot. I don't think you can do this program without getting, reading and knowing, the book. It forms the base of this program.

It's an unusual approach. But it has a success rate higher than most, but always remember that if you are here on one of these sites, it means one of you already wants out.

No short cuts. You're in Alaska, right?. If you have an E book, maybe you can read it at "night". Last time I hunted there I got a 6 minute timed shower, after a week long hunt.

No Kindles at the time. I don't know how you're posting, actually


Well my wife never said she wants out, she just said she is going back home and needs some time and space. To me it sure seems like she wants out, but she never says she does and that is why it is so confusing to me at the moment.

I found this website by looking up things divorce and what it involves actually, since I had no clue.

Yes Im in Alaska until next month and then I'll be home for about two weeks as far as I know right now. That's when I hope to actually read the book. Im reading bits of at time now because I do need to sleep at night before I start work the next day. I actually bought the hard copy before I came to Alaska and had it sent to my hotel while I was working in Ft Bragg. I am doing a lot of my posting late at night when I have time to catch up on reading the replies on my laptop or posting from my tablet when I have a break at work.

Everyone tells me this is a long process, which is hard for me to understand from my perspective. To me you either want to continue with the relationship or you don't. It's seems so black and white to me because that is how I would do it. I want to continue to be married to my wife and not throw away our history together. I am starting to see it may be a lot longer process since I refuse to call for the divorce at this time and I am leaving that all up to my wife. This makes me wonder though exactly how would she react if I said Im a through and told her I want out. It seems like such a game to me honestly. I know when I was texting her a while back and she seemed to be purposely avoiding the topic I just told her "I give up!" As soon as I said that though she returned immediately with "I was being playful" and then actually gave me some feed back on what we were talking about. Curious I think, don't you?

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Hi Cali
I am happy to see a different tone... I feel you will figure it out. It is very good your wife is not asking to be out . I suggest don't bring the subject for you will be shocked with the answer . Most of them will say ok go ahead and file. You need to understand what they have is not attractive to come back to the marriage. To be attaractive first you need to become attractive in their eyes. By being caring loving interesting happy and fun nonjudgemental and accepting their short comings. Second they need to feel better about them self. Something they hVe todo on their own. Unfortunately you can't help that is her journey. You can just encourage her and be supportive.
Note - it is nice to ask about her health in general but I prefers not to focus on the episodes . Don't expect msg in return sometimes their don't know what to say. Just like you didnot know how to answer when she told you she was thinking to msg you ... it is ok if they don't answer back let it be give them time to feel things and process them. That is why we say don't purse with too many msg . They need time to figure their feelings .

Again let me tell you this is not a game if you say you want out she is not going to protest. She will even sometimes push all your buttons to make you quit for two reasons you will either do quit and this will solidify what she is thinking about that you have the ability to quit fast. Or you will become the unbearable angry spouse who will say all the wrong things and give her all the ammunition to quit.
Rather than giving her that power the decision is in your hand if you want to quit go ahead but if you don't want that wait and see but don't suggest until you are completely done and check with your lawyer before that.
I wish you all the luck ,


M 45 H 45
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Originally Posted By: Lana_71
Hi Cali
I am happy to see a different tone... I feel you will figure it out. It is very good your wife is not asking to be out . I suggest don't bring the subject for you will be shocked with the answer . Most of them will say ok go ahead and file. You need to understand what they have is not attractive to come back to the marriage. To be attaractive first you need to become attractive in their eyes. By being caring loving interesting happy and fun nonjudgemental and accepting their short comings. Second they need to feel better about them self. Something they hVe todo on their own. Unfortunately you can't help that is her journey. You can just encourage her and be supportive.
Note - it is nice to ask about her health in general but I prefers not to focus on the episodes . Don't expect msg in return sometimes their don't know what to say. Just like you didnot know how to answer when she told you she was thinking to msg you ... it is ok if they don't answer back let it be give them time to feel things and process them. That is why we say don't purse with too many msg . They need time to figure their feelings .

Again let me tell you this is not a game if you say you want out she is not going to protest. She will even sometimes push all your buttons to make you quit for two reasons you will either do quit and this will solidify what she is thinking about that you have the ability to quit fast. Or you will become the unbearable angry spouse who will say all the wrong things and give her all the ammunition to quit.
Rather than giving her that power the decision is in your hand if you want to quit go ahead but if you don't want that wait and see but don't suggest until you are completely done and check with your lawyer before that.
I wish you all the luck ,


Im just tired, tired of all of it. That is why I am talking of divorce myself. I am still wanting to do the right thing and I refuse to ask for a divorce myself, but I am sure there is a point I won't go beyond. Im not sure what it is yet, but I hope things iron out before that time. It would be such a waste to throw away our time together and it would feel like it was all a big mistake. I still hope that it isn't, but in my heart if she continues this path then I won't want to pursue someone who was pretending to be someone else and can drop everything we had together.

You make a very good point on me calling for a divorce and I have actually thought of these exact same things. It's certainly good to be reminded of it and to solidify my way of thinking about it too.

As far as the contact thing goes, today I sent her a beautiful pic of a mountain in Alaska and said good afternoon, but she has yet to reply to it. This will mark the first time that she has ever completely ignored me in that sense. Still trying to figure exactly what the best way to stay in communication with my wife is. I just got a mission change today and I am heading out of Alaska early and heading to Hawaii for a little bit. In the past my normal thing would be to send her my itinerary so she knows when Im flying and when I'll be home, but I am wondering if I shouldn't even tell her where Ill be. Such a chess match that we are playing in a sense.

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When they say to not believe a word your spouse says, what does that really mean? When should you start to believe what they say? For instance when I ask how my wife is doing she responds with "I'm doing OK or I'm doing OK I guess, does that mean she is really doing great? Or is it only the absolutes and the real negatives your spouse talks about?

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Ok so she just texted me back at about 12pm her time. She said this. How should I respond??

Good evening. I hope you had a great day! You're probably at the gym working out. Have a good workout

I'm trying to learn how to respond the best way.

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I had another thought. So why does everyone on my side of things, my friends, family and her friends on the West Coast continue to reach out to her and support her, but I don't get so much as a peep out of her family. They all act like I am just not a part of it anymore.

Also I just talked to my buddy and his wife is friends with my wife. My buddies wife reached out to her to day and asked how she was doing and said she missed her. My wife responded with I miss you too and that she is confused and taking one day at a time right now. Then she asked my wife what she was confused about. My wife said that she was confused at how things went the way they did with us. I got to say so am I!

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