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Last topic: http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2737229#Post2737229


I wanted to provide an update of situation. So things have calmed down as far as fighting, yelling, screaming. Things are calm. She is still openly dating OM and actually went on a 3 day out of town trip with him. I knew of this because she asked me to watch and spend the night with our son on 2 consecutive school nights (last night and tonight).

When she told me she was going out of town, I didnt act upset or mad but told her I already knew based on the above mentioned information. I did as her where she was going and she would tell me. It doesn't really matter does it? The reason that I do mention this out of town thing is because of the following...she has always been a very protective mother. Last night she never called/texted our son to see how his day was or tell him goodnight.

Same this thing morning, she didn't check on him. Again, the reason I tell these details is because this is really out of character for her. Ok, so on to some other details. She texted me Thursday this past week about the coordination of our son for basically the next week. It was a long text. At the end of the text she said "other than that, I don't want to hear from you". I responded, "ok, thank you". That was about 7:30am Thursday morning.

Well, by 8:00pm that same evening, she called me and just wanted to check on me. We ended up talking for an hour. During this conversation she said that "of course I still love you, but we can't ever be together again". According to her we have too opposite/polarizing personalities that don't allow us to get along. While that is somewhat true, we have never attempted to fix the problems with therapy, discussions, etc...

We are both at fault for this and agreed. She went on to say that she is not as happy as what she is portraying on the outside. She also admitted that she may be dating OM only to dull/numb the pain but she doesn't know for sure because her mind in not in the right place at the moment. What she DOES KNOW is that "he treats her so well with kindness, respect, attentiveness, meets her emotional needs, etc.. and why would she give this up".

I didn't argue with her about it and just stayed calm throughout. Of course what I wanted to say is that, you and him are both still married, dating each other and he is using 1/2 of his wife's money to fund a weekend getaway with his mistress. Yeah, he sounds like a wonderful man. We both have attorneys and the divorce has been filed for the 3rd times after to retractions during the last 3.5 months.
We have yet to see each other with attorneys present and certainly haven't seen each other in court. We are scheduled to see each other this week with each attorney present to discuss division of assets. Again, my plan, is calm, well mannered, upbeat, etc... The divorce is all goes to plan with be final sometime in late June. My only hope at this point is for her to have some sort of "wake-up" moment and realize that this is not best. Side note: she actually made a comment to me that OM "talks her ear off" something that I always did as I am the "talker" in the relationship. Somewhat surprising that she would choose the same thing when she despised it so much.

I am sure there is a lot going on in her head and when they are together that I have no idea about. Does she love him, is she coping and distracting, is she wanting to marry this guy? I would find it highly unlikely that the first guy she started talking to which happens to live across the street that she would fall in love with. I am still doing 180's and getting better by the day.

Last key detail...in one of our marathon phone conversations, she told me..."had you handled this whole situation different in the last 3.5 months we would be working on our marriage and things would be much different. Your actions pushed me further into his arms". Maybe too late but live and learn.

Does anyone have any thoughts or comments?


Me: 38
Her: 33
Bomb: 1/6/2017
Separated: 1/10/17
Together: 16 Years
Son 12 Years Old
She and Son still at the house
Divorce Filed/Retracted Multiple Times
Divorce: scheduled to be final 6/20/17
Joined: Mar 2016
Posts: 3,952
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Originally Posted By: sellout
Last key detail...in one of our marathon phone conversations, she told me..."had you handled this whole situation different in the last 3.5 months we would be working on our marriage and things would be much different. Your actions pushed me further into his arms". Maybe too late but live and learn.


sellout,

Bah humbug. Don't beat yourself up and don't buy into the crap she's shoveling your way.

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doodler: I hear what you are saying but at the very least, had I not begged, cried, pleaded, etc...at least there would have been a better chance.

Does anyone on here still thinks there is even a remote chance of this working out? Again, she has LOST NOTHING thus far. I dont think it has hit her yet to be honest.


Me: 38
Her: 33
Bomb: 1/6/2017
Separated: 1/10/17
Together: 16 Years
Son 12 Years Old
She and Son still at the house
Divorce Filed/Retracted Multiple Times
Divorce: scheduled to be final 6/20/17
Joined: Feb 2017
Posts: 188
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Holy shít dude, that's a ton of trash she has shoveled on top of you and it sounds like you're handling it well. My friend has had to remind me occasionally that some of the things my W has said are just excuses. "Had you handled this whole situation different in the last 3.5 months we would be working on our marriage and things would be much different. Your actions pushed me further into his arms."

......REALLY?

We are not perfect, none of us. But...she has an affair with the dude across the street and she blames your reaction for it? Get real. Yeah, you made mistakes. So did I. So did all of us. Honestly, I don't know how you haven't murdered anyone...if this guy was across the street from me I don't think I could be so cool and collected.

So, you're doing great. She's talking to you. There's that! Hang in there.


M-32 W-32 (both military)
T-8 M-6
PA Oct/Nov 16 (happened twice)
Discovered PA 11/30/16
S 12/1/16
MC 12/1/16 - 1/18/17
BD 1/18/17
A continues? 1/24/17 texts resume with W & OM
W Filed 3/8/17
W Deploys 7/17
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180Man: ironic you say that...ive had that same conversation with her. We used to watch all of those murder mystery shows (Dateline, 48 Hour Mystery, etc.) and I mentioned that to her. I said that most people wouldn't have handled it as well as I have. She admits to what she is/has done is not easy for me.

So now what? Continue to 180?

Yes, she is talking to me and when we talk its pleasant. Does that mean anything? I know she still has feelings for me but the OM in the way is a big distraction.


Me: 38
Her: 33
Bomb: 1/6/2017
Separated: 1/10/17
Together: 16 Years
Son 12 Years Old
She and Son still at the house
Divorce Filed/Retracted Multiple Times
Divorce: scheduled to be final 6/20/17
Joined: Feb 2017
Posts: 188
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Originally Posted By: sellout
Yes, she is talking to me and when we talk its pleasant. Does that mean anything? I know she still has feelings for me but the OM in the way is a big distraction.


I wish I had that answer myself. Your statement could easily be applied to my W, too. My W says we have been best friends and great partners but we're just not "romantically suited" for each other. Meanwhile, she will continue seeing OM at work for the next month until he's finally gone for good.

Maybe someone with more wisdom can chime in.

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Originally Posted By: sellout
So now what? Continue to 180?


Build a wonderful and happy life for yourself and your children (aka GAL). Your perspective and outlook will change dramatically and you'll be able to make better decisions about your future and your marriage.

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Originally Posted By: sellout
I knew of this because she asked me to watch and spend the night with our son on 2 consecutive school nights (last night and tonight).


So what is your normal parenting arrangement? How often do you normally spend the night with S?

To me, this sounds like crazy cake eating. I know you love your son and want to spend as much time with him as you can. But I dont think you want to be the on-call babysitter.

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Normal arrangement is that she typically has him during the week so he can maintain his consistent school routine and then he will stay with me Friday and Saturday nights. Yes, I am going to spend as much time with my son and that is NEVER going to change. Yes, obviously she is taking advantage of me as the on-call babysitter and that's even more proof she isn't thinking right. Before all of this happened, she would have NEVER engaged in these types of activities. Now its just a waiting game essentially. Wait to see if she snaps out of it or if this is her new way of life.

Who would have imagined that we as a family were in NYC for Christmas as a happy family (ice skating a Rockefeller Center, Statue of Liberty), etc.. and now this is the life we are living. Wow, life is crazy.

Any other suggestions would be great!


Me: 38
Her: 33
Bomb: 1/6/2017
Separated: 1/10/17
Together: 16 Years
Son 12 Years Old
She and Son still at the house
Divorce Filed/Retracted Multiple Times
Divorce: scheduled to be final 6/20/17
Joined: Feb 2017
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Sellout,

This is why we advised you not to move out of the house. She lives in the martial home has your son 75% of the time and has the weekends to herself.She is the one having the affair.

If you are going to spend as much time with your son as possible. Contact your lawyer about a 50/50 arrangement.

She is cake eating big time!

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