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increase the GAL b/c I really don't know another way to detach

and without detaching, you are going to feel like crap non stop and probably blow your DB efforts.

Have you gotten the DB book? Do read it, don't just skim!

Oh, and you have to apply it too, cool


M: 57 H: 60
M: 35 yrs
S30,D28,D19
H off to Alaska 2006
Recon 7/07- 8/08
*2016*
X = "ALASKA 2.0"
GROUND HOG DAY
I File D 10/16
OW
DIV 2/26/2018
X marries OW 5/2016

= CLOSURE 4 ME
Embrace the Change
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PEW1974 Offline OP
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Thanks you post makes perfect s sense. I realize that there are people with various tolerance levels and I take all comments and suggestions with a grain of salt. I like to be fully prepare before I do anything and I do think of all Possible outcomes. Although anything can happen and you never really know until it's happening. There was no alcohol abuse in our house or both our parents house. It really came down to poor communication skills. My wife would start complaining and yelling trying to push my buttons and I would take it for as long as I could and then we would have an argument. Nothing physical but damaging just the same. I do realize In retrospect that she was also bad at communicating and I do believe this was her way of trying to express what was wrong. Wish I was more insightful back then.

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PEW1974 Offline OP
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I haven't got the book yet but plan on getting it. I will be honest, today was really emotionally rough for me but after communicating on this site with so many helpful people I started feeling very positive about myself and the rest of the day went by fast.

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Confrontation is just that. Confrontation.

It could go all sorts of ways from there. What if she just becomes more blatant about it?

My point is that I would do a lot of reading and introspection to figure out what YOUR plans are before just telling her you know.

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You seem to be on the right path, inner peace comes first. Educating yourself, talking to others, and not confronting your partner are great places to start


BD Oct 2016
Me 47, W 43
together 25 years
S 25, D 22
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PEW1974 Offline OP
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I think your right. I wasn't looking to start anything unnecassary. I was just bringing it up to the community to see if I should or are there better options.

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Originally Posted By: PEW1974
Part of the reason I have not confronted her yet was I didn't want the last few months as the image she thinks about when I confront her. I probably wouldn't have mattered to her at that point. I wanted a more positive image in her head so it may give her something more to think about. I was planning on confronting her but not until I finished working on myself physically, menatally and emotionally. I hope that makes sense.


Once again, you are missing the point. The image you "present" to her is nothing but in your head. You have this fantasy that looking/acting/doing things in a certain way will make her all of a sudden realize that she is a POS. Not going to happen, my friend.

The biggest question you need to be asking yourself is why do you even want her back? As LiM said, what she has done is the BIGGEST and most disrespectful thing that she can do to you - period. There is no way to spin it to be any more positive, because quite frankly there isn't and shouldn't be. This may sound harsh, but both the marriage and you are nothing in her eyes - if that wasn't true, then why would she be screwing someone else? It is what it is, my friend.

Now, you have been given the marvelous gift of time. Use it wisely to better yourself for YOU and YOU ONLY. Not her. No one else but you.


There are moments in this life when you are so confident in the rightness of your actions, that not even for a second do you consider the option that you might be wrong.
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While I do feel that infidelity is the worst way a spouse can disrespect the other, I do NOT feel that it isn't something that you cant come back from. There is nothing wrong with wanting to work on and save the M, even after an A.
There are many reasons to want to save the M. You've built a life together. Someone screwed up really bad but that doesn't mean you should throw it all away because of that screw up. Its your choice.


Me: 48 y/o
W: 47 y/o
Together: > 20 yrs
BD: Dec '15, then S
2nd BD: Mar '16, then I filed for D
April '16: started piecing
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PEW1974 Offline OP
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I kind of agree with you on this. My feeling is while I know I am not at fault for her having the affair, I do feel responsible in the events that opened the possibility for it to happen. If you know what I mean. I am willing to move in a positive direction if given the chance with my W. I believe in time with the proper guidance and counseling we could work on the issues we had make our marriage better. I am not depending on this outcome but I am willing to entertain it if it comes to fruition. Only time will tell.



All other discussion with Jeep74 moved to his thread - Cadet

Last edited by Cadet; 04/21/17 11:11 AM. Reason: message
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PEW1974 Offline OP
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Haven't been able to post much the past day with work getting crazy. I have been trying to digest a lot of the comments an suggestions given to me. I find myself very confused at the moment. Things have been getting better between me and
my W over these past 6 weeks. By better, I mean we are actually communicating with each other more. My wife, my son and Inwent to a carnival last night with her sister and her family and we had a good time. I did notice my wife text every now and then on her phone and my gut knows that it's the OM. That part is still painful but as we were driving my wife actually made a comment to how she has noticed that we haven't been arguing at all and how much calmer the house seems to be. She also made a comment about me having this smile on my face lately. I felt good that at least she is noticing something positive. I really feel that if she was not caught up in this affair, we would actually have a chance at working things out. I am continuing to GAL. Going out tonight to check out my friends band. Will probably see a lot of old friends. I am trying to not initiate contact with her lately and let her be the first to contact me. Which she has been doing daily.
Sometimes she just calls to talk about nothing. Which is so opposite of what our situation was a few months ago. Looking to get 2 books this weekend to keep informing myself. Just really confused right now.

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