Kent, What a great idea for a post! I agree whole heartly that the snooping, spying, etc. on our S only hurts us. When you find something re your S, I think our minds go off into a land beyond with thoughts of your s being so happy and you being so miserable. Why are they so happy, how could they do this. It just keeps bringing out the anger and doesn't bring the self to peace.
Re the wedding rings. For awhile, I even wore my H's ring at times. I did take my ring off about 9 months ago. I do wear a ring that h gave me on my ring finger.
Got to run. Have a great day, and Keep the faith, Kath
Exactly what I'm talkin about. Who knows what they are thinking. Our minds tell us it can't be good. This is why I say avoid it unless you want to send the message that the R is over. Just cus W takes hers off, does'nt mean you need to take yours off.
I think my wife took her ring off because she believes the marriage is over. A couple of weeks ago I took mine off. Not because I don’t still care about the marriage. I do. I took it off because the only way we will stay married is if we can build a new relationship. The old one is dead. Before we can build a new relationship I have to quit holding on to the past. Wearing my wedding ring was holding on to the past and I think my wife saw it this way. The only way I can win my wife back is to become someone that interests her. The beauty of this is by becoming this person it will also interest other people. So I can come out ahead either way. I do want my wife back, but in my case I must let go of the past to have a chance.
I have given the ring question some thought since I first started seeing the issue raised here several weeks ago. My wife has not worn her wedding ring for the past few years because she had gained some weight and it just didn't fit any longer. She does, however, continue to wear another ring I had given her on the same finger.
For me, I took my ring off a few years ago because I am a wood carver and was getting very raw and blistered where the ring kept rubbing against the inside of my finger. I put the ring back on several months ago when I cut back on the carving.
I have decided that I am going to keep my wedding ring on, regardless of what my wife does and not necessarily to send or reinforce any message to her, but rather to reinforce within myself my committment to my marriage vows and to God. I intend to keep it on even if the D goes through, until such time that God might lead me along another path.
I accidentally found my W with an OM co-worker. She knows I was upset, said my peace then and have never mentioned it again. If we do get back, then maybe that can be discussed. Now, the marriage is not strong enough to handle that. I consciously mad the decision to forgive W about the A, and she knows this. I feel better about not obsessing over it.
I too will continue to wear my ring. I will remain committed to my wife and our marriage as long as we are married. (Maybe even longer) She removed hers 10 weeks ago, when she left. She probably thinks that "no ring, not married", although she has asked where they are a couple of times. I've told her only that "I have them in a safe place."
I agree with BLD. My rings represent a marriage I don't have anymore. I still wear my rings but not all the time, I wear them when I feel like it. I don't care what my H thinks about it (sorry Kent). My H, because of his job, never wore his and it never bothered me. I don't want the old marriage back. I want a new one. I'm not the same person anymore. I don't even want the old H back. I want a newer, improved version of H. BLD is right, the new me will either attract my H again, or another man and either way I win.
Pixie, Your scaring me. I'm beginning to fear that I know you. I grew up in Arlington Heights. Where is your original thread?
BLD, I agree with the new relationship. Did you get the chance to tell W why you took your ring off or can she misinterpret by guessing.
DavidKS, My ring means similar to me. It is my committment to me, my W and my kids. I can't remove it.
Stu, If I remember correctly, did'nt you find W kissing OM in car at movie theatre. Man, I think I would of freaked and FredG'd the turkey. Keep the W's rings safe. Maybe she will wear them someday. If not they will finance a hell of a beer party.
Sis, Don't tell me you don't care what H thinks. I've been following you to long to believe it. He really pisses me off and I told you my feelings.
Regarding the ring issue - I took mine off the day W laid "Bomb 1" on me. I dropped it on the table in front of her and said " I'll put this back on when you tell me to".
I don't know what ever happened to my wedding band. I have not seen it since. I know W took it with her.
Kent - I have taken quite a fancy to your new term for OM thrashing
