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PEW,

Two week's ago my W emailed me at work wanting to know if I wanted to meet her at Applebees for drinks. So I agreed to me her. Showed up and had a good time. I know my W wants us to be friends if the marriage should end. We started off as good friends before dating, so being friendly has never been an issue. But after drinks we rented a movie, whichever later led to sex.

So whatever small opening your W is giving you, then take it. These W are curious because it is in their nature to do so. At the end of the day they just need to get back that feeling of hope in the marriage. Once that hope returns, then the marriage building can begin. And I'm praying for you as well


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Thanks. I am still learning a lot from Sandi2. I value her opinion since she was a WW. Getting that kind of perspective is so valueable. I see what you are saying with them maybe starting to see hope. It is not going by to change anything immediately but it might start the process. Like Sandi2 says, I realize my wife does not respect me and to an extent I can understand why with all the issues I brought to the table. The active affair is unacceptable and I am going to have to get her to either respect me or move on. Just waiting until after my daughters HS graduation party.

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Two quick questions.

1. Mothers Day is coming up. Do I celebrate it with my W and S13 like we do every year? Giving a card and going to breakfast/dinner? Or should I just go out of town this year to spend the day with my own mother?

2. My wife has a birthday coming up later this month. Do I do something nice for her(She has been hinting about trying horseback riding for the past year. And I wanted to surprise her with that before finding out about the A.)? If I shouldn't do anything special for that day, then how should I proceed?

Thanks in advance for any advice on the matter.


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Tread,

Wow, so you've got to dance through this for Mother's Day and a Birthday. I hope your Wedding Anniversary isn't in early June. :-)

My W and I are now physically separated sharing an apartment so the kids stay at home (place to crash when we're not at home with kids). For Mother's Day, I'm not doing anything personally for my W, but have helped my kids with gifts. My D13 is making a scrapbook for the W and I'm helping her.

For the bday, that's tough. If she's been talking about horseback riding all year and you've recognized this, that shows serious thought and listening on your part, but...

I'm not sure that penetrates a WW's mind as being thoughtful. I don't know that for sure, but that's how I read Sandi's post on this.

Best of luck in navigating.


Me 42, Wife 39; Married 16; Together 17; Kids: D13, S10
Wife asks for Divorce: 03/19/13
Reconcile: 07/07/13
Round 2 Starts: 02/19/17
Apartment Life: 04/21/17
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Tryin2figuritout,

Now that you mention it. This month also marks our 17th year together. Married almost 15 years. Sandi advice on the WW is good, but I wonder if everything applies to every WW. This surprise for my W could be a great thing and work in my favor. Or it could be a way for her to look at me like a sucker.

We still sleep in the same bed and are still having sex. Even though she still wants to leave. But has taken no steps to make that happen. OM is around in EA fashion at this point, whichever is limited to messaging. Neglect was our big issue, so wouldn't this be a huge 180? Even though I've done things for her birthday on past years.


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Tread,

You obviously have to go with your gut and do things as you see fit. It is very thoughtful of you to think of horseback riding lessons and if neglect was an issue this is good.

Just made 17 years with my W (married 16) in January. Is this the 17 year itch they're scratching???? Mine scratched 4 years ago but DB'ing prevailed. Not sure DB'ing will prevail again, but I'm all in.

Best.


Me 42, Wife 39; Married 16; Together 17; Kids: D13, S10
Wife asks for Divorce: 03/19/13
Reconcile: 07/07/13
Round 2 Starts: 02/19/17
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Hi Tread, I am flattered you asked me to take a look at your thread. I will try to catch up and then post my comments.


It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
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Check this out. So I'm about to head out the door to get a pedicure. Something I do every month, since I am a diabetic and I get my toe nails clipped professionally. W asks where I'm going to, so I tell her that I'm going somewhere to get my feet looking right. So she makes a joke and playfully slaps me on the ass on my way out the door. I get back and she is real eager to look at my feet, then talking about how good they look.

I am not going to put too much into this. But it looks as if I'm continuing to head in the right direction. Also the DR book is amazing. Already mostly through it. This book should be handed out at the court house as your receive the marriage license.


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it certainly does sound positive, keep on the same path, don't revert


BD Oct 2016
Me 47, W 43
together 25 years
S 25, D 22
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hey Sandi, wondering if you would be so kind and have a look at mine as well. I respect your opinion


BD Oct 2016
Me 47, W 43
together 25 years
S 25, D 22
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