You seem way too engaged with her. Get out of the house and have a blast. Let her see you going out and having a blast. Do things that make you happy. Who gives a sh*t about a friggin candy bar? You shouldn't. Let her suck them down until she weighs 300 lbs. if she wants to. No skin off your back.
Ever gave up a fun activity you love because it's not her thing? Well? Go do it. Get out there and GAL, detach, and live like she doesn't exist. Do it for real. Don't fake it. It might change your perspective of this whole situation.
I haven't read up on your whole thread yet but seen a few of the recent ones. I agree with txhubby. You are focusing way too much on her and the Twix situation. Get yourself a snickers and go have some fun. I'm not saying this in an ignorant way, but in a way that I know exactly what you are feeling and how this is consuming your thoughts. Back when my sitch was fresh, my own son knew OM as her pet name for him. Killed me a little inside every time I heard it. It wasn't until I truly GOT A LIFE and kept my mind busy with other things that I started feeling progress in the healing. For me it was kayaking, racing, even cleaning my house and retail therepy hat got my mind in a better place. Grab a nice new outfit, some new cologne and go out. Let your phone at home or in the car and actually have fun.
Don't pin on the troubles you are feeling at all moments of the day. Start small, a half hour. No thoughts of W. then go for an hour. Then two. Soon you will have days without the chest crushing thoughts consuming your life.
In my situation, as much as I thought I did, I never really detached. Now that I have, XF is a different person. I am living a happy, fulfilled life. To me, it now seems as if things clicked for her and she's waiting for my new girlfriend to slip up in any way. This all takes time and I'm not saying my path was always the correct one. But I have seen first hand that this process works if you are able to follow the steps and really GAL and detach.
Best of luck, I'll read up more here as soon as I have some time
Me 34, XF 27 Many years together Son 4 Engaged Not engaged Many false starts by XF 7/16 new girlfriend comes into my life 2/17 girlfriend moves in my home
You seem way too engaged with her. Get out of the house and have a blast. Let her see you going out and having a blast. Do things that make you happy. Who gives a sh*t about a friggin candy bar? You shouldn't. Let her suck them down until she weighs 300 lbs. if she wants to. No skin off your back.
Ever gave up a fun activity you love because it's not her thing? Well? Go do it. Get out there and GAL, detach, and live like she doesn't exist. Do it for real. Don't fake it. It might change your perspective of this whole situation.
TxHubby,
Your definitely right about the candy bar, which is why I didn't say anything about it. I've been GAL, just need to do it a little more. And definitely will do so. May have post up pics on FB and IG, while doing so...LOL
I haven't read up on your whole thread yet but seen a few of the recent ones. I agree with txhubby. You are focusing way too much on her and the Twix situation. Get yourself a snickers and go have some fun. I'm not saying this in an ignorant way, but in a way that I know exactly what you are feeling and how this is consuming your thoughts. Back when my sitch was fresh, my own son knew OM as her pet name for him. Killed me a little inside every time I heard it. It wasn't until I truly GOT A LIFE and kept my mind busy with other things that I started feeling progress in the healing. For me it was kayaking, racing, even cleaning my house and retail therepy hat got my mind in a better place. Grab a nice new outfit, some new cologne and go out. Let your phone at home or in the car and actually have fun.
Don't pin on the troubles you are feeling at all moments of the day. Start small, a half hour. No thoughts of W. then go for an hour. Then two. Soon you will have days without the chest crushing thoughts consuming your life.
In my situation, as much as I thought I did, I never really detached. Now that I have, XF is a different person. I am living a happy, fulfilled life. To me, it now seems as if things clicked for her and she's waiting for my new girlfriend to slip up in any way. This all takes time and I'm not saying my path was always the correct one. But I have seen first hand that this process works if you are able to follow the steps and really GAL and detach.
Best of luck, I'll read up more here as soon as I have some time
Seeing my son know and hanging out with the OM would piss me off to the point of saying something. Not too bothered about the Twix. Just pointing out how my W tries to be slick with the things she does at times. GAL has helped and I plan on stepping it up even more that its getting warmer outside. Time to dig deep and bring out the old me. Which actually might be me having too much fun...lol
Your definitely right about the candy bar, which is why I didn't say anything about it. I've been GAL, just need to do it a little more. And definitely will do so. May have post up pics on FB and IG, while doing so...LOL
I understand it's hard to get rolling on it because as married guys we're used to compromising and only engaging in stuff that our wives like or are at lest cool with. You lose a lot of yourself because you haven't been an "I" for a while. You've been a "we". Well, she made herself an "I" and you need to do the same thing. She pulled back from you and did her own thing (albeit it was cheating, which is a horrible thing) but when she did that made you want her even more. When someone doesn't need us we want them all the more. You'll see that if you follow the plan. Get out there. Buy new clothes. Hit the gym. Do fun activities with friends. If you don't have available friends then go to a meetup for something you're interested in. Move on without her and there's a darn good chance it'll change her behavior. If it doesn't then no sweat, you were moving on anyway. It turns a really bad situation into a win-win situation. I myself 180'd, GAL'd, detached, and moved on so authentically that it turns out I don't even want to be married to my wife anymore. Now it's me who is leaving her and not the other way around. Get your mojo back my friend. Life is too short to be without your mojo.
Glad you brought that up, because the hardest part is going from "we" to "I". As an H, I dedicated my life to the my family. So all the people I partied and hung out with are gone once I settled into family mode. My goal for 2017 is to definitely recover my mojo.
TxHubby, Glad you brought that up, because the hardest part is going from "we" to "I". As an H, I dedicated my life to the my family. So all the people I partied and hung out with are gone once I settled into family mode.
Preaching to the choir my friend. Been there.
Originally Posted By: Tread
My goal for 2017 is to definitely recover my mojo.
That is AWESOME and is truly what GAL/detaching/moving on is all about. Your future will be as bright as you demand. You'll love it. Will there be times of doubt or sadness? Of course. Then again, when I think back to my childhood dog that has been long dead it makes me sad too. Fortunately I don't sit around thinking about my dead childhood dog or my dead marriage. Life is too short. I have confidence you're going to be fine.
How have you been making out. I was catching up on your story for the last 2 days. I agree, the hardest part with GAL is going from we to I. Sometimes even with good friends you have a sense of loneliness but I am trying to refocus to positive thoughts when that happens. Hope your doing better.
Today we volunteered for a community service day with my W company. It's an event that we have done for the last three years, so the whole family went as usual. Had a good time, meeting other people and helping to make an impact in the community.
Couldn't help but to wonder if I should have decided not to go this year due to the current state of our marriage. Supposed to GAL, but it seems that we find ourselves doing a lot of things together, because we attend many events or volunteer for the same things every year. We haven't had issues at all doing these things and we still enjoys doing them together as a family. But I am wondering if I should be pulling away more. Even though these things bring me joy and possibly could be helping my W remember that I am actually a good guy.
I understand how confusing this all is. If you have fun together and it doesn't set you back mentally then I don't see any harm in it. I know there are probably many different opinions on this.
I am running into a similar situation. Unlike between you and your W, me and my W were completely miserable 2 months ago and she hated me. So we haven't done anything together recently except her asking if I am going to be able to come to my son's baseball games. Which I do because I was always working before so it's nice to make the time to watch him play. But just this week she texted me saying that she sent me an email and before I could get to my email she called me. She said that our town has limited tickets to the Yankee game where they are retiring Derek Jeter's number so I said if it's something you really want to do let's get tickets. So she agreed and said she will buy 3 (for her, me and our son). Then the next day she calls and says maybe we should leave our son home since we will be out for over 6-7 hours and she doesn't think he will handle it well. He is only 7 and has your typical kids short attention span. So I agreed and said I will call up to cancel one of the tickets. This is the first time in a long time that she has wanted to do something with just me. So I am taking it for what it is which is just a chance to have a good time with my W without any of the normal daily issues we might have when we are together. Trying to stay detached and just find moments to enjoy with or without my W.
I have bunk you are handled by yourself fine and it seems you are becoming more confident in who you are. Keep doing what you are doing. I am praying for you brother.
