I don't recall all of the chemicals off the top of my head, but it's not "like" a drug. It IS a drug -- actually more than one. It's a real thing that is happening in their brains. There's legit research that has been done on it.
It's hard, for me at least, to empathize and understand what that must be like (like Kaizen, I haven't done any drugs), but reading about it may help a little.
Went and looked it up for ya, mostly because I wanted to read it again:
Quote:
"Scientists have found that romantic highs are fueled by mood-lifting neurotransmitters such as dopamine and norepinephrine. However, the strongest cause of euphoria is a hormone called phenylethylamine. This particular hormone is released during fresh infatuation and resembles the chemical make-up of morphine. These neuro-chemicals distort your sense of reality. You are, in essence, under the influence of drugs.
So let me tell you all something trifling. One of the two nicknames my W has for the OM is Left Twix. And ever since the A, I catch her walking around eating these damn things like crazy. Now she claims that this has always been her favorite candy bar. But 17 years together I can't recall her ever eating more than five. When I questioned her about the confidence she claims that she didn't buy them before, because I don't like Twix. But she doesn't see why I'm bothered by her nicknaming this guy after her so called favorite candy. Either she is that disrespectful leaving these wrappers lying around or the fog has her that blinded to her actions.
A few months ago I would have went off. Now I'm just going to vent on this site. Nothing I say will make a difference as long as she in this fog. If she decides to have a change of heart and stay in the marriage. Then we can address this and several other issues. But for the most part I think these wrappers are a test. When things are going well shell sabotage things. W did the same things in the marriage.
Crazy thing is there was a time it would have extremely difficult to hold my tongue. Now it's not issue at all. Tough part is just realizing wjat issues are actually worth the trouble of bringing up
She might feed off of anger, like mine would, using the anger to do hurtful things. Don't give her anything to be mad about, as much as you can, while still maintaining your self-respect, and hopefully contributing to rebuilding her respect for you. Some anger from her is okay, if it builds her respect for you, like not letting her take advantage of you. Don't take the argument baits, though. Don't defend yourself. Instead, try to empathize with her and be compassionate regarding her complaints, unless you believe she is being completely unreasonable. Then, maybe tell her you think she is being unreasonable and walk away, because "I don't want a fight". That would be a 180 for me, and probably most guys -- to not defend and debate, but instead, empathize and be compassionate. Have you read Sandi's threads on the wayward wife? Thread one: http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2545554&page=1
M: 33, W: 30 @BD M 7, T 10 BD: Early Dec W left: Late Dec W got stuff: Late Jan W sent S papers: Mid Feb OM cnfrmd: Late Feb
Pain can yield tremendous growth OR everlasting sadness and bitterness.
Yeah, I read it. My W is a small combination of the WW. The A in my opinion is what pushed her into declaring the BD. But the characteristic of WAW is what was happening before the A. Other than the occasional sabotage, while testing me and the A with OM. There are no other forms of disrespect. If anything she still appears to support me in many ways like she did before all of this went down. Neglect is what made her a WAW. But her behavior as far acting like a spoiled teenager is very her attitude in regards to messing with the OM. As if she is entitled to messing with someone else's H with no consequences.
That sounds so similar to my W. It was the neglect and disconnect that led to her A. Aside from the disrespect of having the A, she doesn't really show me any other signs of disrespect. She is also acting like a teenager who is entitled to things. I truly feel that both our W's actually can see the consequences of their actions but disregard the gravity of the them. In their heads right now the value of these consequences are much less than the value of their infatuation. Keep hanging in there.
