Oh yeah, life goes on...

[HaWho]

Sotto - congrats on the new promotion. Kudos to you!

I listened to a very interesting TED talk on stress. There was some surprising science behind the theory that all stress is bad. It was about making stress your friend.

It's easy to find based on that last sentence. I think the speaker even discusses taking on a stressful job.

Anyway, good to hear you so strong. Special thanks for all your advice over the years.

[Sotto]

Thanks guys - and HaWho, thanks for the talk suggestion. I'll have a look at that one. Discovering TED talks (and recommending them to others) has been one of the nice things to have come from this new path my life got plonked on!

Just a mini update - I met up with SS and his Mum a couple of weeks ago. Had a nice meal out and caught up. It didn't really occur to me until afterwards that XH didn't really get a mention. He cropped up once or twice in conversation, but no-one really had anything to say about how he is or what he is doing. At one point I would have tried to steer the conversation in that direction. Now I just enjoy maintaining a link with SS and his Mum as I am fond of them both.

Next year they still plan to move abroad and made me promise to go visit Funny, there is a group of us that know each other through XH. Me, his XW1, our mutual friend, SS. Talking to our mutual friend recently, she suggested we all get together soon (minus XH of course.) So, having once been the link between us all, he no longer gets an invite to our get togethers. I don't say this in spite and I don't relish that (okay maybe my ego likes that a little) - just that it's how things have unfolded. Actions and choices do bring consequences and it seems sad to be 'unwelcome' at a little party like that..

The job continues to be a challenge - in some nice ways - and some challenging ways. I got a virus a couple of weeks ago and still haven't completely recovered, so I have missed out on a few social things. I'm trying to maintain a good life balance and have boundaries on my time. This I don't find easy in the context of not wanting to let others down - which feels deeply ingrained. Certainly it's a work in progress.

The purchase of my second place is moving forward. The survey is done now and so maybe that will got through in a month or so. It will be nice to have a base closer to work.

Socially, and at work I have attracted the interest of a couple of married guys. Ugh - I don't feel I have been encouraging in any way other than polite. But each asked me for a drink in a friend's type way. For sure that could be just friends and I may be hypersensitive. But I'm certainly not going to socialise one on one with someone else's husband who may or may not have some 'beyond friendship' interest in me. Now if either of them had said - hey I'd love us to go for a drink and you meet my W - that would be completely different..

Other than that, I've started an online self-development course, linked to Brene Brown's work - so that is interesting...and generally (whilst life has ups and downs) I'm doing just fine. I keep in touch with NG at work from time to time - and I'm quite fond of him. But he continues to be fairly reticent, and I respect that. In a couple of weeks time, I'll have been D'd for a year - and truly, I don't feel that interested in dating at this point - not in actively seeking to date anyway. Of course if I met someone and I liked them, I might be open to that...

Take care all and my very best wishes to you.

Xx

[Coly23]

Hey Sotto, I always enjoy reading your updates. They are always full of continued development in both your personal life and career.

It's good that you are keeping in touch with SS and his Mum. I can't imagine what XH must think especially with your mutual friend too. It's like there is a party to which he has not been invited! Aha!

I hear you on the married men showing an interest front. I mentioned something similar on my thread although one of them was separated but still married. I ran away very quickly!

Wow, D'd for a year! It has gone very quickly hasn't it. I continue to be in awe of your growth and personal development and I can only hope that one day if and when I am D'd I can continue to grow in the same way.

Take care. Xx

[Altair]

Coly, Sotto, lol Coly beat me to it! I was going to say the same thing.
Married men hitting on me too! Just ugh. Like you said, Sotto, perhaps was innocent but I really don't think so. I think we can tell. Thanks for your update Sotto, and glad you are doing well. We in the trenches need to hear the good news.

A.

[bttrfly]

HI Sotto,
Always so nice to hear from you! Congrats on the second place. Hope that continues to move forward smoothly for you.

I hear you on the virus - mid March for me, and it's still lurking, making things uncomfortable. Glad you are resting and building in time for yourself.

Just, YUCK on the married guys. Dogs, all. and I think I've just insulted my furry friends.

NG, sigh. yes. Well, if anything's meant to be it will unfold when it is supposed to, as we all know.

Much love to you my friend. Can't believe it's already a year xoxoxoxo

[Irish M]

Hi Sotto .

married guys, I know you'll steer clear. I had a married woman attempt to flirt with me, lets just say it didn't go too well for her as I made it obvious to the surrounding people what she was up to and sh shy'd away into the cave she crawled out of. I feel sorry for the wives and husbands knowing what I know now.

Great updates by the way. SS is really a great kid. Lots of love there.

Irish

[bttrfly]

Haha Irish ... I have an image of her slinking away trying to look inconspicuous, with an entire room full of people looking at her.

I too wonder about the married people who act anything but, and their poor unknowing spouses. Trying not to be turned off on the concept of marriage, but it's a bit dicey, seeing so much of this - I think what I would say to anyone wanting to get married is the trick is to make sure that one shares the same definition of marriage with the potential partner, as well as the terms husband and wife, including what those roles and responsibilities mean to each person. I personally can't imagine dating much less ever marrying again.

I also feel as a woman that some men have the attitude that, "Oh you're divorced, you must be desperate for sex!" so they look at us as easy targets for this kind of slimy behavior. It's gross.

[SBJ]

I also feel as a woman that some men have the attitude that, "Oh you're divorced, you must be desperate for sex!" so they look at us as easy targets for this kind of slimy behavior. It's gross.

Now bttrfly, I know you said some, but remember that there are a lot of us that truly miss that closeness that we had for so long with a woman that was our friend and lover. There will always be slimy people out there. But, there many good men out there that would love to be close to a strong, caring, loving woman of your caliber. Sex is not what defines a relationship, but is part of what helps hold it together. I think I read that somewhere.

As someone who has physical touch as my LL it has been rough since last July, but God had helped me and kept me sane. What's strange is I miss the little physical touches more than the sexual part. Physical touch is what gives us energy from the other person. When they deny that it seems something dies.

Sorry to hijack...

[bttrfly]

Hi SBJ,
I'm not talking about guys looking for relationships, I'm talking about guys looking for a quick hook up.

Physical touch is my LL also, and I miss feeling safe in my exh's arms, or holding hands. Heck, we held hands after BD, after he moved out, geez, even in court we were holding hands and I had my head on his shoulder, and we left holding hands and he hugged and kissed me before he walked to his car.

I'm talking about the guys Sotto works with - married, but asking a colleague out for a drink. She's not "one of the guys" - I mistrust their intention and wonder how their wives would feel knowing their husbands were asking an attractive co-worker for drinks after work.

Sadly, there are a lot of men and women out there for whom a wedding ring or vow means nothing.

[SBJ]

I totally understand...society is all disposable these days and people try and fill all of their personal needs with other peoples spouses. Not cool in my book.