Cali, as always, thanks for inspiring us on this unwanted journey. As you say...you didn't die. The tax thing is funny if you ask me.
Gordie 40s W 40s M20+ kids 2016 BD W fantasy affair w OM1 I do everything wrong 2017 I start to DB W says TLTL files for D PA w OM2 2018 I do LRT W drops filing and OM2 situation slowly improving
Cali, I was thinking about you yesterday. I'm glad you are finding happiness and comfort.
Me 49 W46 T25 M22 S22 D18 S13 W had EA Apr-Jul 2016 Dropped Bomb 7/9/16 ILYBINILWYA HER DIVORCE IS FINAL...8/18/17 Dropping the rope to SURVIVE & THRIVE!!!
Glad it is sorted without adding to your problems.
Best wishes
R 25 years M 14 years S11 & S13 Working on it alone since Oct 2014 M in trouble a lot earlier (~2 years) Feb 2016. 1st R chat in a yr. Next R chat Aug'17 Still together
Made me laugh about your W claiming your son. It's not funny but funny in a sad way
My XW did the same. Only she claimed both my Daughters and also claimed she lived at my address alone with them.
She had to pay back 7000$ that she received in child assistance money from the government and is on a watch list for fraud. If she goes in unemployment in the futur she may be refused.
Glad you are keeping busy and karma is catching up to your W. Thanks again for being a strong support to so many here.
Irish
M51 XW43 (38 at bd) BD1 MAY 30 2015 BD2 JUNE 25 2015 by text moved out Aug 2 2015 left both Daughters 13 and 15 (now 18-20) Her divorce Final July 26 2016 Last time she saw her kids Aug 2 2015
Oh my goodness Cali - what a story about the tax issues unfolding...
I'm so glad to read of how well you are doing. From all that you post, you sound like a great guy and I'm sure life will hold many joys and blessings going forward.
As for your marital situation - well that unfolded just about as badly as many here - including my own. However, saving yourself does mean that you manage not to become defined by the disaster - and the learning and growth are gifts indeed.
Take care and glad to hear from you
T 13 M 7 Me 48 H 46 SS 15 BD 7.14 PA D final 5.16 (H filed)
We receive & we lose, and must try to achieve gratitude & embrace with whole hearts whatever of life that remains after the losses - Dubus
Always good to hear from you, I look forward to your updates.
Wow, the tax story is a very good case of karma. I always did believe in it, and so glad that situation turned in your favor.
Letting go has been the very hardest part of all of this. You are lucky to have your support group, I am so glad you found them. Can I ask how you found them? My girlfriends are wonderful, but it would be nice to also have the social support of others in the midst of it all.
Take care Cali, M
Me 48 H 46 S 11 M 2004 BD 8/13 H moved out 2/15 -live in the present, enjoy the beauty around and within you, explore your new future-
Lol ... no ... there is no chance she would have parted with 2 pennies, this is the one thing that has been consistent Pre/Mid and I assume post-MLC.
Originally Posted By: Irish M
Hi Cali
Made me laugh about your W claiming your son. It's not funny but funny in a sad way
My XW did the same. Only she claimed both my Daughters and also claimed she lived at my address alone with them.
She had to pay back 7000$ that she received in child assistance money from the government and is on a watch list for fraud. If she goes in unemployment in the futur she may be refused.
I was livid.. but again this was prior to me knowing anything about MLC, I do sometimes wonder how I would have handled things had I ended up here early on like most (Not for a different/better outcome mind you ... just for my own personal journey and if it would have accelerated or possibly made me stay a bit longer) ... I was already a good chunk in before DBing and even further till the MLC pieces of the puzzle came into play.
Originally Posted By: Sotto
Oh my goodness Cali - what a story about the tax issues unfolding...
I'm so glad to read of how well you are doing. From all that you post, you sound like a great guy and I'm sure life will hold many joys and blessings going forward.
As for your marital situation - well that unfolded just about as badly as many here - including my own. However, saving yourself does mean that you manage not to become defined by the disaster - and the learning and growth are gifts indeed.
Take care and glad to hear from you
Yeah ... well like ALL here, this is not something one asks for nor even wishes, in fact I would not wish this on anyone but as I have grown and now able to look back honestly at some things in my life I can say I am better for it all, I also know I would have never made the changes I have ... if MLC did not hit I would most likely still be married, living day to day and just going through the motions. Besides the obvious desire for my family unit to be back, missing what was here and there I can accept it all without bitterness and see it for what it truly was .. a rebirth, a second chance, a do-over if you will.
Originally Posted By: mleigh4
Hey Cali,
Always good to hear from you, I look forward to your updates.
Wow, the tax story is a very good case of karma. I always did believe in it, and so glad that situation turned in your favor.
Letting go has been the very hardest part of all of this. You are lucky to have your support group, I am so glad you found them. Can I ask how you found them? My girlfriends are wonderful, but it would be nice to also have the social support of others in the midst of it all.
Take care Cali, M
Letting go was for me almost impossible. I still laugh at myself when I read along here and everyone is giving advice and talking about detachment which I completely stunk at. I just could not let go ... I was so connected (co-dependent) it was seriously impossible for me until as I have shared with a few ... my suffering became so unbearable I HAD to change and no one could tell me how nor do it for me .. it took that last straw from her for me to drop rope and walk away without any expectation of what she would or wouldn't do because I finally came to a point I really did not care.
As far as the group .... I posted just a little bit some time ago on another site geared solely to MLC, I told my story a bit ... a few from here are there as well. I posted what had happened and that I dropped the rope I was contacted by a male member who was a part of this group on FB messenger. Its good to have a group of guys to bounce things off of .. even better when they ALL have gone through this MLC horror show and we give each other some advice of life after MLC ... some date, some don't ... one is even still married and making it through the fog with the MLCr so there is hope if you are reading and looking for that.
The thing I think that happens is you end up like myself and there really is no closure (95% of you is ok, new chapter and moving on... 5% some how believes there will be an awakening and you really honestly do not know how you would handle it) ... speaking for myself its like .. ok dropped this toxic rope that was hurting me .. now what>? I dated a bit just to know I could, but you have this PTSD thing, like you are afraid.. no terrified .. no .. maybe just unwilling to even put a pinkie toe of emotional substance into a new relationship. You were just in a horrific car accident after 25 years and you would like to be in a car, but you also know you just can not get in the thing yet. Not sure if this all makes sense or not. So you find reasons to sabotage a new relationship before it gets off the ground, or maybe the other party does not feel they are getting much from you. So its good to have some people who have Been there and done that and are still healing and learning to bounce things off of, its helped me really accept this thing and heal much faster I believe.
well the first thought i had when i read your post Cali was, "D@mn! Karma!"
I completely relate to the PTSD thing ... it's important to acknowledge where you are, and other guys who have been through it will be an immense source of support for you.
It won't always be this way. Now is the time for healing.
xoxoxo
M 20+ T25+ S ~15.5 (BD) BD 4/6/15 D 12/23/16
"Someone I loved once gave me A box full of darkness. It took me years to understand, That this too, was a gift." ~ Mary Oliver
Thought I would update/journal a bit as I have a bit of time this morning.
So I will start off with ... I have become aware that when you have been involved in this MLC mess for awhile things you once would update/post become a bit more insignificant, similar to traffic signs on the street that you drive home on everyday, you see them, notice but really pay no mind. One such 'sign' if you will happened about 3 weeks ago, I picked up S and she made up a reason to ask me a trivial question about S's school/schedule which she gets emailed just as I do. Given the epic memory failure I did not pay it much attention however what did stand out was the eye contact and the 'Hello'. The contact has been as NC as one could be ... she usually is not even visible when I collect S for the past year since I moved out back in Feb16.
I have noticed the weekends she has S they have been up at her parents place .. a solid 2-3 hour drive which S complains its to long in the car (boredom hits hard on those car trips from my memories as a kid ... lol) I am not reading into it nor looking at this as a re-connection attempt with her family or anything but it is something different.
So this morning I get a call from her asking if its a good time to talk. She tells me she thinks S needs therapy ( This happens once every 4-6 months it seems) I asked why she felt he needed that (He is generally fine with me) and her reply was he was not himself and has been sad. I knew he was a bit upset as I dropped him off yesterday morning as this is the part of the 2 week cycle where I do not see him till Monday after school. During this crisis he and I have admittedly become very very close and GAL like no other on our weekends/days together.
So I did my best to drink the STFU smoothie as she projected her crap as his issues ... S wants a bigger house and all that comes with it .. family etc, he needs to see us communicate in a cordial matter and all the things she had to say. 17 minutes in all and she got a little emotional as she said "I don't want him to grow up and be a wreck" ... all of which I remained calm and did not bite at her attempts to start an argument so ended the call and she asked to speak on Sunday ... not completely sure why as we had settled things as far as I was concerned but this is MLC talk so I am assuming that call on Sunday will not happen.
So thats about the most contact I have had with her in sometime and I imagine she will run about her tunnels and pop out a bit later. Was a bit ironic as I have been in a deep reflection mode this week ... Tuesday watched the sunset after a bike ride, and again last night at the ball field I had the thoughts of ... 'Ya know I would not have wished this ever in my life but I am actually in a much better/healthier place .. life is very very good at the moment'
This leads me to the next part of where I am in my own journey ... I was watching a movie and towards the end there was a funeral .... the Pastor said we all get 2 dates on our headstone. The birthdate, and the date of our death. Those 2 numbers are of little significance, what really matters is that dash between them. Make that dash count. This really has been on my mind for like a month ... I am frequently asking myself "Am I making that dash count?" and there are alot of my days I can honestly say I am .. I am living .. really living and enjoying life and the crazy thing is, the only person I share it with is my son and I am at peace with that.
Make your dash count ... do not let their crisis wreck YOUR dash.
Hi Cali, Thanks so much for the update. Mother's Day is looming, so ... out pop the MLCers ... You're doing so well and you've worked so hard at this. It's so encouraging to me to read how detached and at peace you are. Gives me hope.
xoxoxo
M 20+ T25+ S ~15.5 (BD) BD 4/6/15 D 12/23/16
"Someone I loved once gave me A box full of darkness. It took me years to understand, That this too, was a gift." ~ Mary Oliver
