Thank you Juju. I'm learning a lot about myself, for sure.
I've learnt that by nature I'm an incredibly private person, even to those I am most close to. I think this may have been one of the reasons for things to start going downhill in my M. Add to that, my STBXH who wasn't able to talk about anything at all. Even some of his friends would comment and joke about how uneasy he would become if someone talked to him about his feelings...
So in an attempt to learn something from all of this and behave a little differently to see where it takes me, I'm now sharing more my feelings and thoughts to those that are closest to me (a couple of the friends I have made over these part few years and my new partner).
It's interesting. I know that I am feeling more vulnerable and I can feel that it stresses me out and that I find it tiring. I have to keep reminding myself that I am able and that I will cope with the consequences of this openness.
Anyway, a late lunch a couple of days ago with one of my older work colleagues at the moment. She had previously worked with STBXH and his uncle, probably about 5 or 6 years ago. I had met her during this time. Over lunch we talked a little about STBXH and (relatively) openly. There was still **a lot** I didn't mention...we really just skirted on the surface of things, but talked openly and honestly enough too.
She mentioned STBXH's heavy drinking and how he would sometimes come to work either drunk, or still drunk from the night before. And how his uncle was also very similar to STBXH in his drinking, and show she felt sorry for his uncle's wife.
She also said that I was a completely different person to the one that she had met 5 or 6 years ago. I had seemed very quiet and reserved, but now I was smiling, confident and my eyes were sparkling.
I've been going to the gym and running outside as well, in the little towns and villages I've been working in. I'd like to get comfortable with the distance I'm running at the moment and then up it a bit. I'm starting to toy with the idea of entering a race in the spring, for the distance I'm running at the moment. I would like it to be a comfortable and very positive experience. By comfortable I mean that I get to race day in good shape and knowing I can do it **well**
Kinda. But cities would have firework displays, and individuals would let off fireworks as well, not just on the evening itself, but in the days and weeks leading up to it. So it's a pretty noisy time of year.
I think we'd have burgers and hotdogs...barbecue stuff.
One of my neighbors is British and he has a Guy Fawkes party every year. I always attend if I'm in town.
The party includes fireworks and a "bomb hunt" (golf balls) for the younger children. Almost everyone brings food and booze. In years past, I've taken veggie dishes that I like, except for one time when I brought spotted dick. This year, I thought I'd try to bring something that's traditional and "authentic," but I couldn't really find anything that seemed to fit the bill.
M: 57 H: 60 M: 35 yrs S30,D28,D19 H off to Alaska 2006 Recon 7/07- 8/08 *2016* X = "ALASKA 2.0" GROUND HOG DAY I File D 10/16 OW DIV 2/26/2018 X marries OW 5/2016
I think it might depend a bit where you're from. Do you know where your neighbour is from originally?
focus22,
I've forgotten what city he's from. I know his brother lives in New Forest. When he goes to England he usually stays with his brother and I think his parents live nearby.
I had to google where the New Forest is as I did't know : o) If there are any traditional recipes from there (and you like cooking), I guess you could try some of those? But otherwise barbecue food would be a safe bet: burgers, sausages, chicken, that sort of thing. I'd be really pleased (and not surprised) if I went to a Bonfire Night and that's what was on offer.
I'm coming towards the end of my job now, just a few more days to go. It's been wonderful, I've really loved it and feel I've done a good job.
I've actually been verbally offered a very big contract (as in scale of job and responsibility, rather than length) for the end of March by the person that hired me for this, which is amazing.
She also offered me some work in December, but I already have verbal agreement with someone else about work for the same period. I explained that to her, and said I hadn't signed anything yet though, so if I I could keep in touch with her about it.
And I feel that I've managed to establish myself as my own person in this job, with a separate identity from my SBTXH. I've done it in the way Iike to do things: very gradually and carefully. That feels like a good, solid way to do things for me
Anyway, my lovely new partner came along to see me one afternoon. He came with his older sister and with his brother's two children (5 and 7). We all had a very lovely time, and I feel very welcomed and accepted by them all.
I'm planning on getting a little treat for us two, something that I've never done before: a dinner and stay in a castle/hotel type place. I don't have a Saturday night free until January now (this is a very busy time for one of my freelance jobs), but January will be good as it's generally a bit of a low point...after Christmas and the new year.
We're talking about plans for Christmas and the new year. I just get Christmas day off, so he's going to come up after he's seen his kids on Christmas morning and seen them unwrap their presents (his XW lives an almost two hour drive away, except it'll be quicker on Christmas morning).
Anyway, I'm back at work the next day, and he's happy to go and climb some hills for a few days (he's a real adventurer...ice picks at the ready for climbing hills in winter, sleeping in his car on weekend walks, that sort of thing).
He's said that he's incredibly excited that I'm happy for him to go out and do his own thing and spend time out in the wild. He said he's not had that before. I think that both his XW and the woman he was with after they divorced weren't as independent as I am and expected to do pretty much everything together, or for him to be there with them all the time (or most of the time). Maybe that's some people's idea of what being in a relationship is? I think that's what the man I went out with briefly last year was expecting (the angry, heavy drinker).
Anyway, I'm glad that people see me as independent. I got that comment from one of the people at the work I've been doing as well (someone that's worked with both myself and STBXH).
