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resolut Offline OP
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Well my W ended up not going to IC due to some sort of scheduling issue. I'm concerned now that she won't reschedule. Its a lesson to me to be guarded against any forms of hope.

W had to come back to the MBR as now kids are home from college. What a strange feeling to have her come back when I know she doesn't want to be in there. Trying to persuade her it will be better for her to go sleep at a friends.

Otherwise, I'm still running 6 days a week and journaling. Need to keep looking for more ways to change things that aren't working.


Me46 W46 M25yrs T29yrs
4 children
ILYBNILWY 1/30/17
PA confronted 3/6/17
Separated same house
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resolut Offline OP
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Today was a tough day. We're having quite a few expenses lately. My wife is a SAHM, no job. I suggested that she start looking for a job to which she is agreeing. So far so good on this. But then she let on that if she were to get a job she would save that money to use post D. I really lost it from there. I informed her how disrespectful that was as Im the one currently providing. A marriage is a collaborative thing. So sickening for her to think she could just get a job and save up money. Why am I doing this? I'm venting. I went out and ran 3 miles after that conversation.

I did set a new boundary and she's getting her own cell phone plan, off of mine. She'll need a job to pay for that.

This was just one of those conversations that was ugly but I had to get the point across as to how disrespectful she is behaving to me and the M.


Me46 W46 M25yrs T29yrs
4 children
ILYBNILWY 1/30/17
PA confronted 3/6/17
Separated same house
Joined: Feb 2017
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resolut Offline OP
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I've been reading other threads and reflecting on my situation. I'm not noticing any small changes in my W and she never shows any interest in my GALing. I'm not going to interpret it and I'm not going to be deterred. If anything I mostly think she's miles and miles away from the MR and its most likely going to fail. My focus is on me only. However I come out of this I want to enjoy being me and enjoy being with my children every second that I have.

I've told her she needs to go stay at a friends house and we'll see where that goes. Not sure how much time I should give her with the cell phone boundary or finding a job.

Tomorrow my wife starts IC. I'm happy about that.

I'm still looking for more things that can get me out of the house. I have a few ideas but its going to take time to get started. I've been a little low on joy for the past few days.

Running has been my constant thing. I'm signing up for a 5k next month and another in July.


Me46 W46 M25yrs T29yrs
4 children
ILYBNILWY 1/30/17
PA confronted 3/6/17
Separated same house
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You are probably right in that she is miles and miles away from the MR.

Pity you had to blow up but sometimes it is what it is. Shes eating the cake and taking your share then expects you to go out and buy more. Who would not get fed up with that.

You have stated your boundary (well at least 1 or 2 so far). My x and i both made our own money so i cant really speak to what else you can do for boundaries and limit cake eating, maybe the others can chime in.


Me31 W31 M11yrs S6yrs
23Mar16-BD
9Apr16-W admitted EA w boss.
27Jun16-W Changed job and promised NC w OM.
14Jul16-Continued contact w OM.Start of Separation.
24May17-Divorced.
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resolut Offline OP
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Originally Posted By: Natus

You have stated your boundary (well at least 1 or 2 so far). My x and i both made our own money so i cant really speak to what else you can do for boundaries and limit cake eating, maybe the others can chime in.


Thanks Natus. I need all the encouragement I can get right now. PEW's situation seems to be close to mine although his wife has been making positive steps it sounds like.

With my kids back from college there are no spare rooms left. Its like I live in a boarding houses. lol. I'm really struggling with my W being back in the MBR. I sway from being grossed out to be attracted back to her. It really messes with my head and my heart. I told her this morning she needs to go sleep at a friends house. She agreed. Then she came back and apologized sincerely for the pain she's caused me. I accepted it but that really just opened my wounds and I didn't handle the rest of the conversation in a DB or validating way. She said so this is what I get for apologizing? All I could say is well there is a lot of pain here as you can see.

Anyway, she continues to bring up pain I caused in the first 25 years of the M i.i.e before BD day. I know this is the mind of the WW talking here but it happens over and over when we get into discussions about the M. I am trying something new. I told her that until she can forgive me, she's never going to heal. I've acknowledged how i've mistreated. I've asked God for forgiveness and I've been forgiven completely. I am moving on into the future of making myself a better person. I told her she's going to live with resentment for me until she can learn to forgive. I don't deserve her contempt. I deserve grace from her.

That sums it up from now but I'm looking to learn to ways to practice DB with a SAHM that can't separate from me and gives me no signs that she wants to move back into the MR. 0 signs.


Me46 W46 M25yrs T29yrs
4 children
ILYBNILWY 1/30/17
PA confronted 3/6/17
Separated same house
Joined: Feb 2017
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resolut Offline OP
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I'm having a slow day so I've been reading through a few threads. It seems like a number of threads that I've read of WW's, that the W comes back and does a temperature check or makes positive moves back to the LBH.

In my situation this is just not happening. I'm ok with that but I could use some help of someone pointing me at other stories on here where the WW took 0 steps back into the R when the LBH was practicing DB.

I may be the best DBer and it may be that my W is just done and checked out of the M for good. This is where I think she is.


Me46 W46 M25yrs T29yrs
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PA confronted 3/6/17
Separated same house
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Resolut, are you posting on other threads so people will find you? That's a good way to get other people to your thread.


11/4/15 W revealed EA/2 months later became PA with co-worker
Reconciling since late April 2016
Don't give up until it's time, then move on
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Resolut,

Keep following the steps you have been. But carefully review what you have done this far and adjust accordingly. And continue to be patient. Trust me your W has noticed the changes, she is wondering if this is permanent or if you are worth staying with. I think an advantage you habe is that you are the one who is working.

So start by cutting off that phone. If she wants a phone, let OM foot the bill. Don't cut her off from the money, but she shouldn't have money to do anything extra for fun. She needs to know that everything about you is better. And what I've found in regards to my own W they forget the things that you actually have done for them. So a reminder is what you need to do through subtle actions, not words.


MR: 15 T:17
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resolut Offline OP
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Originally Posted By: NYGal
Resolut, are you posting on other threads so people will find you? That's a good way to get other people to your thread.

Yes I have on a few. PEW's situation is similar to mine. He's doing well IMO. Thanks!


Me46 W46 M25yrs T29yrs
4 children
ILYBNILWY 1/30/17
PA confronted 3/6/17
Separated same house
Joined: Feb 2017
Posts: 115
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resolut Offline OP
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Originally Posted By: Tread
Resolut,

Keep following the steps you have been. But carefully review what you have done this far and adjust accordingly. And continue to be patient. Trust me your W has noticed the changes, she is wondering if this is permanent or if you are worth staying with. I think an advantage you habe is that you are the one who is working.

So start by cutting off that phone. If she wants a phone, let OM foot the bill. Don't cut her off from the money, but she shouldn't have money to do anything extra for fun. She needs to know that everything about you is better. And what I've found in regards to my own W they forget the things that you actually have done for them. So a reminder is what you need to do through subtle actions, not words.

I had the conversation with her about getting her off my phone plan on Tuesday. She hasn't taken any actions yet. Any advice on how long to let this go?

I agree cutting off money would be cruel and would escalate things. She seemed to understand that the phone use was disrespectful. She's respecting my disrespect.


Me46 W46 M25yrs T29yrs
4 children
ILYBNILWY 1/30/17
PA confronted 3/6/17
Separated same house
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