Gordie: trying to focus on me 2

[roist]

I must follow my own advice and get some of that physical intimacy too. Haha.

Stay steady gordie.

[SBJ]

What is this physical intimacy you speak of? It's been way too long...lol!!!

[Gordie]

W called yesterday while I was at work saying she wanted to talk to me when I got home. W gets frustrated when she wants to talk and the evening gets eaten up with kids and homework and chores, etc., so I suggested a specific time that we meet and talk. W was pleasantly surprised that I suggested that and agreed. W said she wants us to spend more time together, to do more things together that SHE wants to do. W wants me to be more interested in her and her life. W also wants us to spend at least one day per month together, just the two of us without kids, maybe get a hotel room.

This was all good, and as Roist encourages, focus on the positive. I listened and validated and smiled and kept everything light and pleasant.

What is in the back of my mind is...if you want all these things, then why do you keep telling me over and over again that you want a D? Of course, I didn't ask that question.

[job]

Your wife is looking for that "zing" and/or "butterflies" she use to get when you two first met. She doesn't realize that infatuation w/someone doesn't continue on in a real loving relationship, i.e., loving becomes deep and more committed.

I hope things work out for you and your family, but you need to keep your expectations very low for now. If she doesn't get that "zing" feeling back she may change her entire attitude once again. Be patient, dig deeper for patience and know that she's still bouncing off the walls a bit.

[Gordie]

Your wife is looking for that "zing" and/or "butterflies" she use to get when you two first met. She doesn't realize that infatuation w/someone doesn't continue on in a real loving relationship, i.e., loving becomes deep and more committed.

I hope things work out for you and your family, but you need to keep your expectations very low for now. If she doesn't get that "zing" feeling back she may change her entire attitude once again. Be patient, dig deeper for patience and know that she's still bouncing off the walls a bit.

Job, thanks for the note. I hadn't considered that she's trying to see if she can get those butterflies back. I'm trying hard to keep the expectations at zero...but it's hard when she is so clearly pursuing me.

[job]

Try to sit back and just let things happen naturally. Don't question her on her actions. Keep those expectations very, very low for now.

I know you can do this!

[Gordie]

Weekly update: its week two since our getaway and this is the longest stretch of w being positive toward me since b d. Wanting to spend time together. Wanting to talk. Wanting to have sex. Wanting to go to church together--a month ago she asked that we not do that anymore. Also, she was trying to do her own home maintenance and now she is back to asking me for help. No pressure from me. Only mentioned wanting to get a d one time and we didn't dwell on it.

[bttrfly]

hmmmm ... as hard as it must be, keep those expectations as close to 0 as possible. and keep doing what you're doing! xoxoxo

[Woke_Up]

Gordie

There's a lot of positives in there, and I admire your patience. You're an inspiration to those of us also riding the roller coaster.

Keep doing what you're doing

[Gordie]

Weekly update: no major changes. More pursuing behavior by w. There was no mention of d this week. Focusing on the positives and not dwelling on the negativea. W and I are talking more and w is opening up more to me about her life. We continue to have sex regularly. I was going to take the kids somewhere for Easter and w wants to join us. I was surprised.