Round 2

[Tryin2figuritout]

Without flinching, try and save.

[Dawgs]

Without flinching, try and save.

I can understand that. Hope it all works for you, my friend.

[Tryin2figuritout]

I mentioned that the W has control issues (she doesn't want to be in control, but if you take control its peanut gallery/back street driver stuff). It's getting comical.

So I'm doing what I'm doing and just trying to be the best man, best dad at the house (see earlier comment that the W said "I guess I'm just not needed around here"). I've noticed that she's almost competing with me to do things.

She seems to be going out of her way to beat me to homework help, chores and anything else for the kids. What's been interesting is that my kids have been gravitating to me a lot more than ever (and the dog too). I know this has to do with my positive changes.

Also, the W has been spending a ton of time with her co-worker and the kids have noticed. Co-worker is female and just a friend, but she's steadily become the W's crutch in this because her family is confused right now. So the kids have noticed a bit and have become closer as I have become closer with them.

There are many similarities to this round vs. the last round 4 years ago. I'm just glad I've got my stuff together and am enjoying the heck out of life with my munchkins. The dust will settle at some point, but I know it's not any point soon.

[Dawgs]

You seem to be doing well, my friend. Keep it up!

I can relate to the control issues. My ex did it very passively, if that makes sense.

[Tryin2figuritout]

Jeep - Definitely makes sense on the passive controlling.

Sandi/25/Or anyone with advice - One of the puzzling parts for me in the withdrawal / detachment is balancing activities with her family. Right now, all events are wide open to me and in fact I'll be splitting vacation time with my W and her family in May (W goes first few days and I go back half of week at beach with my in-laws).

I appreciate that this is all open to me and love her family. Where I hesitate is being there with her physically and I can explain a little more.

One of our core needs is feeling safe. Its this need that made us both not fight so as to "rock the boat". Classic resentment build up between both of us. While I'm not doing everything I did last time in DB'ing (I'm doing more!!), the withdrawal physically was a big thing because then she did not have me as a safety net.

I know we'll have plenty of this physical space once the apartment life is up and running (we're sharing the apartment - W days at home with kids, Me at apartment; visa versa), but I also know we've got events with her family that I am welcomed to.

Part of me wants to just be there with my kids and enjoying these opportunities and part of me wants to not go so I am just not there. I know I asked this last week, but I'm still conflicted and trying to work through this.

Advice/comments would be greatly appreciated.

[Dawgs]

Keep on keeping on, my friend. You got this!

we've got events with her family that I am welcomed to.

Welcomed in your eyes or theirs?

Part of me wants to just be there with my kids and enjoying these opportunities and part of me wants to not go so I am just not there.

I know the feeling. I am the same, too. Its the kids that make me want to do anything. But then again, the ex and her family are going the parental alienation route...

[Tryin2figuritout]

Jeep,

Her family reaches out via phone/text directly to me to come to some of these. No alienation going on.

Sorry you're getting that side of the business. It's bad enough dealing with a D from a spouse and then have alienation all together.

Be well my friend.

[Dawgs]

Thank you for the kind words. It's all good...the alienation part is where the anger lies.

[Tryin2figuritout]

Good Morning Y'all... Had a good night with one of my best friends last night who's about in the same boat as me. He's a tad bit different in he has little to no emotion at all about it. That's just his personality. Makes me jealous sometimes and others not.

It's really crazy when you sit back and think of how so many of us just get complacent in our M without even knowing it. Daily life, daily grind, work, bills, responsibilities, kids, etc. just take your attention off of things and it's hard to get on top.

Honestly, and I've said this to my W, I'm glad she sparked this now whether we end up D or not. I KNOW we'd end up D if she had not had and it probably would have been once the kids are in college. Am I going to get another shot at this with the W, I don't know and I'm starting to accept that I don't care.

Let me rephrase that... I can't care because it weighs you down. It's serenity. It's out of my control. I feel for the most part my steps forward are more than my steps backward and I'm grateful for this.

I hope everyone has a great weekend.

Trying

[LW2381]

Tryin-

For me, getting to the point of not putting all your bets on her coming back (i.e. "not caring"), is where I first found some real peace. When you start to see that you are a good guy and deserve better from her or someone new, that is where I felt like my power really grew. I have also found that that "peace/power" ebbs and flows, so when it is down, keep your chin up, and when it is up, use it.

Keep on fighting, for you and your kids.