No R talk of any kind. W said she had a dream of us getting married and there was a dragonfly which was somehow important. I looked up the symbology of the dragon fly and the primary meaning is self knowledge, power and flexibility. I pointed that out to W and she got kinda squirrely on me and so I let it drop.
We had a good month. spent almost all our time together. Four nights ago W put our engagement ring on but not our wedding ring. there was no talk about this. so weird, makes me wonder if she sees us as engaged now LOL!
S11 and I went to a judo tournament and S won one of his matches. I lost my matches but we left feeling great about it.
we are planning a vacation at the end of September and W speaks of future things as much as 2 years out. she has not spoken of leaving this month.
I feel pretty good when I am keeping busy and I have been pretty busy. I feel sad sometimes when I have some quiet time but I let it come and it usually passes after a while.
W remains mysterious and distant in the bedroom. I am sometimes tempted to R talk but I do not actually start one.
Great update. Be patient. What do you mean by mysterious in the bedroom?
Gordie 40s W 40s M20+ kids 2016 BD W fantasy affair w OM1 I do everything wrong 2017 I start to DB W says TLTL files for D PA w OM2 2018 I do LRT W drops filing and OM2 situation slowly improving
Great update. Be patient. What do you mean by mysterious in the bedroom?
sometimes I can put my arm around her but usually we just go to bed without touching. Not much sign that anything is happening. If I try to kiss her she turns away.
It has been a while. I thought that I would stop by and update. I have encouraging developments to report. I can say that the advice on this forum is true. My wife didn't turn the corner until I truly detached myself and stopped caring about the outcome. Once I did detach it was almost like she detected it with a sixth sense. It is starting to look like W really did turn a corner in herself back in July. She has slowly and consistently been moving closer to me. She went to California in September to visit her sister and when she returned she made a more obvious move closer back to me. We started making love again and she would occasionally bring up things that indicated that she was being introspective. She also started to bring up topics that would come close to her admitting that she might have made some wrong choices over the last few years. She admitted to me that her crush on Celebrity was a mistake and that they are just friends. She is showing me gratitude for things that I do and she is showing thankfulness for her life in general. She has also, mostly, resumed her share of household duties. These things came back very gradually and sometimes it seemed like nothing was happening until about a month ago when I looked at things and realized all at once that things had changed.
For my part, I am very proud of my discipline over the last six months. I have slipped up only a few times. I train judo 2 times a week and lift weights 2 times a week. I have added several pounds of muscle and kept my weight right. I have been very positive with my family and my life outlook. When I have negative feelings I let them come and go without reacting to them. I have not initiated relationship talks in any form, either covert or overt.
A few issues that I bring to the forum for your wise advice:
-I never did put my wedding ring back on and neither did she. She has been wearing a different ring on that finger though. I really did stop caring about rings along the way and currently I feel like she should ask me to wear them again. Is this foolish of me? Or is it a good idea? Sometimes I feel like it would be good for her to show me she was ready. Other times I feel like she is waiting for me to be "manly" and ask her to wear them again. I'm not sure which is true.
-Is it healthy to go long term without talking about our R and what had happened? She is in no hurry to have a conversation. She might even prefer to bury things so she does not have to account. I realize that I don't care if she accounts at this point. Is that unwise of me?
-Wife has confirmed that she is only friends with Celeb now. She only emails him about twice a month now and it is 90% business about art that she is making for him and 10% friendly chat. I have been feeling like this is ok because she is getting a business benefit from her relationship with him. It seems excessive to force her to give that up. Is that foolish of me? I see many people here say the spouse must stop all contact. I do not feel threatened by this level of communication but I want to be sure that I am not fooling myself.
Thank you all for your help. I wish everyone here the best. The advice I received here really did help me get this far and is also instructing me in how to keep improving myself going forward.
-Wife has confirmed that she is only friends with Celeb now. She only emails him about twice a month now and it is 90% business about art that she is making for him and 10% friendly chat. I have been feeling like this is ok because she is getting a business benefit from her relationship with him. It seems excessive to force her to give that up. Is that foolish of me? I see many people here say the spouse must stop all contact. I do not feel threatened by this level of communication but I want to be sure that I am not fooling myself.
Lex23,
I don't know anything about reconciliation, but the friend/business relationship with the celeb seems a bit much. It feels like she's hedging her bets.
I don't know anything about reconciliation, but the friend/business relationship with the celeb seems a bit much. It feels like she's hedging her bets.
I wonder exactly this. It seems like trying to keep a foot in the door.
Here are some facts that I know about the situation though: -he does not want a relationship with her. He does not even really want friendship. He wants free promotional art for his facebook page. -they are both benefiting professionally from this. -she has kept emails professional for almost 5 months now. zero romance content. -even if she is still fantasizing about him I cannot control this and would not even be foolish enough to try at this point. That is in her and not my responsibility.
Yeah, I don't know what to tell you. I'm a bit jaded. My XW always seemed to have reasonable explanations for the intensity of her "friendship" with the OM.
You know how you always hear the metaphor of the frog that calmly floats in the warm water until the water begins boiling and the frog dies because it never noticed the rising temperature? I was the frog. I kept accepting the little things as being okay until they weren't, and then it was too late.
Yeah, I don't know what to tell you. I'm a bit jaded. My XW always seemed to have reasonable explanations for the intensity of her "friendship" with the OM.
You know how you always hear the metaphor of the frog that calmly floats in the warm water until the water begins boiling and the frog dies because it never noticed the rising temperature? I was the frog. I kept accepting the little things as being okay until they weren't, and then it was too late.
That is what I am looking for in myself.
she is not escalating though. She will write about a paragraph and he will answer with a sentence or two, sometimes not answering at all. This happens approximately every 2 weeks. It's fairly minimal. I don't see how anything inappropriate can happen at this level. If this was their communication pattern before our troubles then I would never have had any problem with it.
