leave the legal/financials to the L's (but tell your L what your goals are)
and focus on your parenting and of course, GAL and detach and all the DB basics.
What are you doing for GAL, btw?
Also I would not ever bring up forgiveness UNLESS she does and even then, do not attach it to reconciliation.
More like "oh I let go of that awhile ago and I don't think about your actions. I'm just focusing on the kids and moving forward in my life, plus the kids and I are too busy to stay stuck and...and etc...."
This^^ means she is missing out on the good stuff. Not you.
If you have a victim's face on, to remind her that she was wrong, then aside from her not wanting guilt (who does??) and fearing that all the rest will be in her face all the time (which is what she'll fear)
you being sad or bitter and angry - are just not that attractive or strong looking. Plus those emotions will likely fuel her negative justifications. They are not effective in getting change in a WAW. Period.
Forgiveness discussions are separate from what it would take to reconcile & Piece. But you are not there at all right now.
But if you worry that SHE believes you'll never take her back, then you discuss parenting in a cooperative way, light hearted, sharing the good memories and mutual concerns, etc. NO BLAMING...(seriously do not blame her for kids problems or missed school, etc)
Table all the legal stuff b/c that is simply NOT going to help you get closer to her and it's not going to make her think anything about You forgiving her. If it makes her angry - it'll be the opposite (her wondering if she can forgive you).
Meanwhile, You want to be the man only a fool would leave.
I hope this helps some
M: 57 H: 60 M: 35 yrs S30,D28,D19 H off to Alaska 2006 Recon 7/07- 8/08 *2016* X = "ALASKA 2.0" GROUND HOG DAY I File D 10/16 OW DIV 2/26/2018 X marries OW 5/2016
I have spending all my spare time at the gym, taking the children to activities and being with friends. Starting Judo lessons this week.
I did say to her that I didn't think this situation was about an affair but about 2 people making some mistakes and not knowing how tonhave a healthy relationship. I told her to me it isnt about the affair, and I honestly believe that. Not that I am making an wxcuse for her, but I see the big picture. To her its more work to fix than tongive up. But Inthink that is where the doubt is setting in.
I don't ever initiate end game talk. Its all her and her need to amputate the pain. Im patient but I feel like just telling her that Inagree with her wanting me to give her the easy way out is irresponsible.
I am protecting myself.
M-41, W-38 M - 6.5 years
12/14/16 - Bomb drop - At his house instead of at work (GPS) 1/18/17 went from emotional to physical affair more lies
I have spending all my spare time at the gym, taking the children to activities and being with friends. Starting Judo lessons this week.
I did say to her that I didn't think this situation was about an affair but about 2 people making some mistakes and not knowing how tonhave a healthy relationship. I told her to me it isnt about the affair, and I honestly believe that. Not that I am making an wxcuse for her, but I see the big picture. To her its more work to fix than tongive up. But Inthink that is where the doubt is setting in. That is why you need to make the most of the time you two are together by NOT engaging in conflict.
I don't ever initiate end game talk. Its all her and her need to amputate the pain. Im patient but I feel like just telling her that Inagree with her wanting me to give her the easy way out is irresponsible.
Why can't you simply leave it to lawyers? Or agree to table it and that you'll ponder her comments and then move on to a neutral topic?
Why must you draw your line in the sand in front of her? If your L knows what you want, there's not really a need for you to discuss it in person, is there? I don't see it.
I am protecting myself.
You should protect yourself. IF you read my first post to you again, I think you'll see that all I'm suggesting is that you let your advocate, do the advocating for you.
And that you engage in co-parenting with your wife, and maybe friendly banter or friendship or build on whatever you feel is safe ground.
The idea of whether to forgive her or why she had the affair or what your role is in this,
isn't something to discuss with her right now. You CAN say that if you had it all to do again, there are lots of things you'd do differently.
And leave it at that. UNTIL IF AND WHEN she shows interest in more, the rest of this seems like borrowing trouble.
Just my take on it.
Hang in there.
M: 57 H: 60 M: 35 yrs S30,D28,D19 H off to Alaska 2006 Recon 7/07- 8/08 *2016* X = "ALASKA 2.0" GROUND HOG DAY I File D 10/16 OW DIV 2/26/2018 X marries OW 5/2016
Well I saw her today again. She was really pleasant we spent a little time together with the 2 yr old and then she left for work. No serious talk about anything.
Its a minefield Im afraid. Staying cautious, protect your heart.
M-41, W-38 M - 6.5 years
12/14/16 - Bomb drop - At his house instead of at work (GPS) 1/18/17 went from emotional to physical affair more lies
There are moments in this life when you are so confident in the rightness of your actions, that not even for a second do you consider the option that you might be wrong.
Update. I just saw her again today and she avoided me. I think she doesnt like when I don't answer her texts and communication right away.... or this is just natural push pull behavior trying to control the situation.
I can't stop thinking about her telling me that she doesn't think I can forgive her. I have to say if she said it to manipulate me she did a damn good job because my head has been screwed up since Sunday. I feel my self wanting to prove that I can. Or tell her I can forgive her.... I have a coach call tomorrow.
M-41, W-38 M - 6.5 years
12/14/16 - Bomb drop - At his house instead of at work (GPS) 1/18/17 went from emotional to physical affair more lies
I can't stop thinking about her telling me that she doesn't think I can forgive her. I have to say if she said it to manipulate me she did a damn good job because my head has been screwed up since Sunday. I feel my self wanting to prove that I can. Or tell her I can forgive her.... I have a coach call tomorrow.
75Shade,
She's been bad. You could offer to give her a good spanking. But, it might be better to take the coach's advice.
Does anyone think that WW can be hereditary? My wifes grandmother left her husband and her 2 daughters with a man and then came back later. My wifes mother had an affair on her step dad and walked out on her real dad.
I have 2 daughters.....
M-41, W-38 M - 6.5 years
12/14/16 - Bomb drop - At his house instead of at work (GPS) 1/18/17 went from emotional to physical affair more lies
