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Sorry to hear that Jeep74. The fact that your here must mean you gave it all you got from your end.


Thanks, my friend. I gave it all and then some. And probably a lot more than I should have, honestly. I know now that there never was a chance of saving the marriage. Too many things, combined with her abusive past, made sure that she was done. Oh well, it is what it is. At least we made it 10 years, you know?

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Did you often say to yourself 'after all I've done for you, you don't want to save our marriage? Well, screw you then. You don't deserve me.'


Haha. Yes I did. Just not as eloquently as you.


There are moments in this life when you are so confident in the rightness of your actions, that not even for a second do you consider the option that you might be wrong.
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Jbroken, blocking you from her instagram is probably did you a favor. I got rid of my facebook last year but my h still has his. I do have instagram but he doesn't. so if we were to end, I think It would be easier for me just to not return to facebook for a while. For me, seeing him with another woman would send me into a dark place. In my last serious relationship before my h, I kept him off all of my social media (facebook wasnt as popular back then, it was myspace, I just totally dated myself. haha) and it seemed to help. after I was over him and had moved on, it wasn't a problem being friends on social media. you need time to heal that gaping wound. All I keep thinking about is how awkward its going to be with mutual friends. we don't live in an enormous town, and our families are sort of intertwined in a sense also. it's just going to be hard for me to cope with that. very hard.
ps- always looking for like minded people on instagram! It's my socialization- from afar. LOL (introvert joke)


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Jeep74, you are wise, sir. I can only hope that I have the courage you have to get through this possible impending doom. I am sorry that your marriage didn't work out. I am preparing myself for the break...I've reached out to family, finally, after not wanting to tell them for fear of judgement or taking sides. I even told his parents, as they did not know. My sisters live within 5 minutes of my house and both have opened their doors to me if I had to leave. So, I'm feeling a bit more secure in a sense that I won't be alone in this if something happens. It gives me a little assurance, although I hope it doesn't come down to that.


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Originally Posted By: Sunmoon
Jeep74, you are wise, sir. I can only hope that I have the courage you have to get through this possible impending doom. I am sorry that your marriage didn't work out. I am preparing myself for the break...I've reached out to family, finally, after not wanting to tell them for fear of judgement or taking sides. I even told his parents, as they did not know. My sisters live within 5 minutes of my house and both have opened their doors to me if I had to leave. So, I'm feeling a bit more secure in a sense that I won't be alone in this if something happens. It gives me a little assurance, although I hope it doesn't come down to that.


Thank you, Sunmoon, for the kind words.

I'm going to be honest - it was hard, as hard as hell. I fought for much longer than I should have, but then again, I also was fighting to keep us intact for the kids. Had we not had kids, things would have been done a long time ago. Not many will want to hear this, but preparing yourself for the impending break is a wise decision...just another way of saying that you are working on yourself.

Reaching out was a wise, wise decision. They can - and will - be there. Blood is always thicker than water...and don't ever forget that. I also was the one to break the news to her mom and stepdad. I got called all kinds of names for that. Oh well, chalk another one up to experience. Just be VERY careful as to what you say to his family...honestly, I would refrain from talking any about the situation. Been there, done that.

You are doing well! Keep it up!


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his parents were very receptive. i didn't throw him under the bus, if anything I threw myself under. they love me and said that I can go to them anytime, for anything. I made his mom cry and his dad was shocked. His mom had admitted that her son is not perfect and not to blame myself, that he had a part in this too. they let me know they wouldn't say anything to him unless he came to them. I was shocked to know that he hadn't told them yet.


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jbroken, a little bit of my own sitch here to perhaps give some peace. Mine blocked me on FB the moment he moved out and changed it so even basic stuff like where he lived and worked could only be seen by his friends. His OW had already blocked me and my daughter. This was in Oct. At a later date he blocked my daughter and then eventually refriended her. She would tell me about his kooky posts (even when I asked her not to). A few weeks ago my D says that the OW has now unblocked her. I panic, I tell myself that this is because they are getting serious and she is now envisioning herself as my D's stepmom (amazing the stories we can construct for ourselves). I check and see she also unblocked me (I've never met the woman or said or done anything about her. I think she was finally just done with him and was not concerned I would do anything to her). I keep checking every week or so. About 2 weeks later my H suddenly unblocks me. Then a week later I notice that his profile is now 100% public for the first time ever. It has remained that way for the last month or so. Point, these people are nuts. Ignore it and as Sunmoon says, be grateful you don't have to see her with another man (mine never posts pics of himself or mentions other people).

I may differ from some here, but I would never communicate with anyone but my very closest friends and family (those I lean for support) about him or anything he has done. I think it is disrespectful and violative (even if she is doing it). I plan to take the high road to the bitter end and beyond. You do not need to get your "story" out there. People believe what they are told. Then, over time they start to notice the discrepancies in those stories. Far better for them to put together that her stories don't add up than for you to say it. They will just think less of you for doing it. Let the word get back that you are kind and decent and polite, and letting go. Let her wonder why you aren't losing it and spewing (you seem like an emotional guy and she may be expecting that, so give her something other than what she expects).

Stop worrying about who is on whose side, what X or Y believes. All that matters is what you know and believe. Focus your battles on you and your peace of mind.

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Originally Posted By: Sunmoon
his parents were very receptive. i didn't throw him under the bus, if anything I threw myself under. they love me and said that I can go to them anytime, for anything. I made his mom cry and his dad was shocked. His mom had admitted that her son is not perfect and not to blame myself, that he had a part in this too. they let me know they wouldn't say anything to him unless he came to them. I was shocked to know that he hadn't told them yet.


You did good. Like yours, mine didn't know at six months after the BD. Six months. And once it came to light, she lied and lied and lied. And then lied some more. Don't beat yourself up over his choices. You are awesome!


There are moments in this life when you are so confident in the rightness of your actions, that not even for a second do you consider the option that you might be wrong.
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Originally Posted By: OwnIt
jbroken, a little bit of my own sitch here to perhaps give some peace. Mine blocked me on FB the moment he moved out and changed it so even basic stuff like where he lived and worked could only be seen by his friends. His OW had already blocked me and my daughter. This was in Oct. At a later date he blocked my daughter and then eventually refriended her. She would tell me about his kooky posts (even when I asked her not to). A few weeks ago my D says that the OW has now unblocked her. I panic, I tell myself that this is because they are getting serious and she is now envisioning herself as my D's stepmom (amazing the stories we can construct for ourselves). I check and see she also unblocked me (I've never met the woman or said or done anything about her. I think she was finally just done with him and was not concerned I would do anything to her). I keep checking every week or so. About 2 weeks later my H suddenly unblocks me. Then a week later I notice that his profile is now 100% public for the first time ever. It has remained that way for the last month or so. Point, these people are nuts. Ignore it and as Sunmoon says, be grateful you don't have to see her with another man (mine never posts pics of himself or mentions other people).


I don't think it's about OM in the picture. Her hometown is too small for it not to be noticed. It would get back to me. But, as all this has happened, who really knows? The mind boggles.

Originally Posted By: OwnIt
I may differ from some here, but I would never communicate with anyone but my very closest friends and family (those I lean for support) about him or anything he has done. I think it is disrespectful and violative (even if she is doing it). I plan to take the high road to the bitter end and beyond. You do not need to get your "story" out there. People believe what they are told. Then, over time they start to notice the discrepancies in those stories. Far better for them to put together that her stories don't add up than for you to say it. They will just think less of you for doing it. Let the word get back that you are kind and decent and polite, and letting go. Let her wonder why you aren't losing it and spewing (you seem like an emotional guy and she may be expecting that, so give her something other than what she expects).


I've only shared all this with one close friend - for now my ONLY friend. Nothing on our issues and troubles as such. I was just honest about what has happened and how she has left. That's it. I didn't lose it or become bitter either. Maybe in parts but more at the situation rather than my W. But, yes, I intend to take the high road with common friends as per your suggestion. I think that's the right move.

Originally Posted By: OwnIt
Stop worrying about who is on whose side, what X or Y believes. All that matters is what you know and believe. Focus your battles on you and your peace of mind.


A very strong point.


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I don't think it's about OM in the picture. Her hometown is too small for it not to be noticed. It would get back to me. But, as all this has happened, who really knows? The mind boggles.


You'd be surprised, sir...


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Originally Posted By: Jeep74
[quote]You'd be surprised, sir...


Was it so in your case? I'm sorry I haven't managed to read through thread as yet so not aware of your sitch.

Do you see any particular signs here pointing to OM? That's the deal-breaker for me. No question.


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