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Originally Posted By: Jeep74
Quote:
Not really in the best frame of mind to do any socialising.


That's when I'd go to the gym and hit the punching bag for a while.


I was going to recommend the same thing. Prior to this experience (specifically BD#2) i had never hit a punching bag in my life. Now i do it a few times a week. And i made sure to find a place with other people so i can socialize if i feel like it.


M:39 W:36 - D1:2 D2:6
11/19/16 BD1: ILYBNILWY, EA/PA
Dec/Jan: MC, pursuing, not DBing
1/11/17 BD2: W wants 1 month break
2/1/17: Divorce Remedy. Start DBing
2/17/17 BD3: W - separation to start D process
Joined: Jan 2017
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Originally Posted By: KevinIn
Originally Posted By: Jeep74
Quote:
Not really in the best frame of mind to do any socialising.


That's when I'd go to the gym and hit the punching bag for a while.


I was going to recommend the same thing. Prior to this experience (specifically BD#2) i had never hit a punching bag in my life. Now i do it a few times a week. And i made sure to find a place with other people so i can socialize if i feel like it.


Google 9round. There are some UK locations i think.


M:39 W:36 - D1:2 D2:6
11/19/16 BD1: ILYBNILWY, EA/PA
Dec/Jan: MC, pursuing, not DBing
1/11/17 BD2: W wants 1 month break
2/1/17: Divorce Remedy. Start DBing
2/17/17 BD3: W - separation to start D process
Joined: Feb 2017
Posts: 49
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dodog Offline OP
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Been a few days since my last post. Did go out after all on the Friday night and went round a friends house and put the world to rights. Played golf Saturday in a charity golf day for a sick little boy. Bought back lots of memories when our youngest was really sick so I made my excuses and left. That's when my day went from bad to worse. Spoke to my daughter and said I would call her around 7.30. Got to my folks place and didn't really feel like socialising so just went to the spare room. I fell asleep and phone was in silent woke up at 8pm. Called the w and got so much abuse off her and then I retaliated and ended up in a full blown argument.

The following day sent a text to her and her friend.(friend answers the phone one time and she also got an earful) saying I apologise for my behaviour it was uncalled for. Got a reply from w saying thank you apoology excepted but nothing from the friend.

Moving forward to last night the w sent me a text asking for details of my salary this year (end of our tax year in uk) and also what I have been promised for a mortgage offer. Did ask why and she said she had an appointment this morning. Gave her the details but not all of them. And then she tells me that her app is with her lawyer.

I said I thought that we were close to working out the finances and she replied we are big I need to check some other stuff out.

This puts me in a right panic thinking that she is going to start asking for more money and larger % from the house. Didn't sleep well and then was in tender hooks all day.

W finally texts me about the kids as j have them tonight and tomorrow night at the house. Drop in a question saying are we still working with what we weee we serremnt prior to your meeting and she confirms we are.

So either her layer is thinking what she is asking for is a good package or she is going to blindside me in mediation next month. Either way there is nothing I can do about it so decide that I just need to stop worrying about things. Things will b alright. If o don't like what she is asking for or she won't budge with my counter offer then I will hand it over to the lawyers to deal with.

She did sag that the children sodemof it will be pretty quick so sounds like I am going to get my 2 nights a week and every other weekend.

Saw my doctor today (who is also divorced) he has been giving me a lot of good advice as well as some anti anxiety meds which also help with sleep. These have been a god send no more waking up at night and not being able to get back to sleep.

Anyway so that's my few days. Trying hard to detach from the w not really having any conversations with her except for children. Daughter doesn't seem to really grasp what we told her on the weekend. Although we didn't really tell her much just that daddy and mummy love her and when we made her we liv d each other lots but now we just feel we are better being friends. Not sure a 5yr old gets that I'm sure once we start selling the house and she she's where she will be living it will be another issue to deal with but she seems happy in her self and she was glad to see me. And the little one would stop saying dadda dadda when I walked in so a happy end to a pretty miserable few days.


Me:43
W:34
T10
M7
D-5 S-1
Dec16- w says we need mc
Jan 17- w doesn't commit to mc
Feb 17 - ea discovered Dec 16
D-day Feb 17- one night hook up
March 17 w wants out but won't file
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Any updates?


M:39 W:36 - D1:2 D2:6
11/19/16 BD1: ILYBNILWY, EA/PA
Dec/Jan: MC, pursuing, not DBing
1/11/17 BD2: W wants 1 month break
2/1/17: Divorce Remedy. Start DBing
2/17/17 BD3: W - separation to start D process
Joined: Feb 2017
Posts: 49
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dodog Offline OP
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Hi kevinin

Not really any updates been with the kids for the past 2 nights. Not really spoken with the w apart from children stuff. Didntalkto hwr today via instance meaaagjng about the children and setting up a shared calendar. This then proceeding in discussing what to do about the house. She then proceeded in telling me that she may not live where she said she was going to live and tried to get my back up. Saying that I couldn't stop her moving to where ever with the kids. I was calm and said she could afford to still live in the area. To be honest I have no idea what is going on in her head it seems that all she is concerned about is herself. Spoke to me solicitor straight afterwards and he said that I have a say in it especially is she moves schools. But to be honest my w can't leave her job as she is paid very well for the hours she works so I think it was just to get a reaction out of me, as so far every time I have seen her j have been pleasant and kind to her and probably knocked her off guard.

The daughter opened up to me this morning asking when I would stop being away from the house and then started crying saying I want you to be here all the time. Funny that she doesn't do this to the wife or if she does I don't hear about it. At my brothers this evening and have my independent mediation meeting tomorrow afternoon. My solicitor said that in order for us to do mediation she needs to have clear plans on what she is intending on doing. So hopefully the mediator will point this out to her tomorrow as she also has her initial meeting tomorrow. Was kind of hard doing the forms earlier when j had to tick a box saying is this marriage over yes no or not sure. Haven't ticked anything yet.

Really don't know what my w is playing at I really don't.


Me:43
W:34
T10
M7
D-5 S-1
Dec16- w says we need mc
Jan 17- w doesn't commit to mc
Feb 17 - ea discovered Dec 16
D-day Feb 17- one night hook up
March 17 w wants out but won't file
Joined: Feb 2017
Posts: 49
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dodog Offline OP
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Have my initial mediation meeting tonight. Not sure why I feel worried about it as it is just a session to explain how the process works, and to asscess if we are suitable. W has her at some point today mine is late aftwrnoon.

Been worrying about what my wife said yesterday about leaving the area with the children. I cannot believe she is considering moving my daughter from her school. Why doesn't she actually put our children first before herself. She makes me so mad. I will fight as hard as I can to make sure this doesnot happen even I feel that means me fighting for primary carer.

I will update later after the session


Me:43
W:34
T10
M7
D-5 S-1
Dec16- w says we need mc
Jan 17- w doesn't commit to mc
Feb 17 - ea discovered Dec 16
D-day Feb 17- one night hook up
March 17 w wants out but won't file
Joined: Mar 2015
Posts: 2,937
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Quote:
Been worrying about what my wife said yesterday about leaving the area with the children. I cannot believe she is considering moving my daughter from her school. Why doesn't she actually put our children first before herself. She makes me so mad. I will fight as hard as I can to make sure this doesnot happen even I feel that means me fighting for primary carer.


That bites, my friend. Get the BEST lawyer you can and fight this in court. Mediation isn't going to cut it...and be prepared for her to come out swinging.


There are moments in this life when you are so confident in the rightness of your actions, that not even for a second do you consider the option that you might be wrong.
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dodog Offline OP
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Just spoken to the mediator and my wife said nothing about leaving the area and it is her aim to stay in the area we live. Wtf is she playing at.


Me:43
W:34
T10
M7
D-5 S-1
Dec16- w says we need mc
Jan 17- w doesn't commit to mc
Feb 17 - ea discovered Dec 16
D-day Feb 17- one night hook up
March 17 w wants out but won't file
Joined: Jan 2017
Posts: 289
K
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Posts: 289
Get it in writing in the agreement that neither party can move without the others consent.

Good luck with your session. Listen to a good comedian in the car before your session to give ya a laugh. It helps.


M:39 W:36 - D1:2 D2:6
11/19/16 BD1: ILYBNILWY, EA/PA
Dec/Jan: MC, pursuing, not DBing
1/11/17 BD2: W wants 1 month break
2/1/17: Divorce Remedy. Start DBing
2/17/17 BD3: W - separation to start D process
Joined: Mar 2015
Posts: 2,937
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Quote:
Just spoken to the mediator and my wife said nothing about leaving the area and it is her aim to stay in the area we live. Wtf is she playing at.


Yeah, mine said the SAME EXACT THING... Until the mole that I have in her camp said that she was planning something to the contrary. That's why I got the educational tie-breaker. However, in my case, I could have won full custody but at the end of the day it's about the kids and the cost would have been too high for them.

Don't, for a second, believe what your wife is saying. Period.


There are moments in this life when you are so confident in the rightness of your actions, that not even for a second do you consider the option that you might be wrong.
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