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Originally Posted By: WshIKnw
Originally Posted By: Jeep74
What in the actual f***. So, you agree to not "sue" her or someone for something she made a choice in? Good luck with that. Dude, that is spineless...threatening to "sue" if she doesn't talk. How old are you, 10? You ARE acting like "Hitler."

She wants me to agree to not ever sue her or a third party in the separation agreement. What's wrong with me signing that, as long as I'm getting what I want in the rest of the deal? I don't see how that would be spineless. I didn't threaten to sue her if she doesn't talk. I said maybe after we have signed the agreement, if it has that clause in it, she will feel more free to talk to me and tell me the truth about everything that happened.


She came up with that all by herself...you never mentioned anything of the sort? At any rate, it is what it is.

Don't count on her talking.


There are moments in this life when you are so confident in the rightness of your actions, that not even for a second do you consider the option that you might be wrong.
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Why would I want such a clause? I never cheated. It's a common clause, but I was told it's usually only there if there is a reason for it to be.


M: 33, W: 30 @BD
M 7, T 10
BD: Early Dec
W left: Late Dec
W got stuff: Late Jan
W sent S papers: Mid Feb
OM cnfrmd: Late Feb

Pain can yield tremendous growth OR everlasting sadness and bitterness.
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Originally Posted By: WshIKnw
Originally Posted By: Jeep74
What in the actual f***. So, you agree to not "sue" her or someone for something she made a choice in? Good luck with that. Dude, that is spineless...threatening to "sue" if she doesn't talk. How old are you, 10? You ARE acting like "Hitler."

She wants me to agree to not ever sue her or a third party in the separation agreement. What's wrong with me signing that, as long as I'm getting what I want in the rest of the deal? I don't see how that would be spineless. I didn't threaten to sue her if she doesn't talk. I said maybe after we have signed the agreement, if it has that clause in it, she will feel more free to talk to me and tell me the truth about everything that happened.


Mine is going to have the opposite clause - nothing in the separation agreement bars me from going to court for her committing adultery. So, at any point before she files for divorce (12 months of separation in my state), i can divorce her for adultery and take that path to ending our marriage. Not my plan, but good to have just in case.


M:39 W:36 - D1:2 D2:6
11/19/16 BD1: ILYBNILWY, EA/PA
Dec/Jan: MC, pursuing, not DBing
1/11/17 BD2: W wants 1 month break
2/1/17: Divorce Remedy. Start DBing
2/17/17 BD3: W - separation to start D process
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Originally Posted By: WshIKnw
she will feel more free to talk to me and tell me the truth about everything that happened.

Just curious, but what difference does it make? Ill probably never know the details of the R between my ex and the AP, and Im perfectly comfortable with that. It is what it is; prying into the details of that would only cause pain for me.

Please do go out and GAL. You need to work on getting your mind to let go of this sitch for a bit at a time!

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Originally Posted By: WshIKnw
Why would I want such a clause? I never cheated. It's a common clause, but I was told it's usually only there if there is a reason for it to be.

Common clause? I've never seen or heard of it.


There are moments in this life when you are so confident in the rightness of your actions, that not even for a second do you consider the option that you might be wrong.
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Originally Posted By: KevinIn
Originally Posted By: WshIKnw
Originally Posted By: Jeep74
What in the actual f***. So, you agree to not "sue" her or someone for something she made a choice in? Good luck with that. Dude, that is spineless...threatening to "sue" if she doesn't talk. How old are you, 10? You ARE acting like "Hitler."

She wants me to agree to not ever sue her or a third party in the separation agreement. What's wrong with me signing that, as long as I'm getting what I want in the rest of the deal? I don't see how that would be spineless. I didn't threaten to sue her if she doesn't talk. I said maybe after we have signed the agreement, if it has that clause in it, she will feel more free to talk to me and tell me the truth about everything that happened.


Mine is going to have the opposite clause - nothing in the separation agreement bars me from going to court for her committing adultery. So, at any point before she files for divorce (12 months of separation in my state), i can divorce her for adultery and take that path to ending our marriage. Not my plan, but good to have just in case.


Divorcing for adultery (in at-fault states) and suing over an affair are two different cats.


There are moments in this life when you are so confident in the rightness of your actions, that not even for a second do you consider the option that you might be wrong.
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Originally Posted By: WshIKnw
Originally Posted By: Jeep74
What in the actual f***. So, you agree to not "sue" her or someone for something she made a choice in? Good luck with that. Dude, that is spineless...threatening to "sue" if she doesn't talk. How old are you, 10? You ARE acting like "Hitler."

She wants me to agree to not ever sue her or a third party in the separation agreement. What's wrong with me signing that, as long as I'm getting what I want in the rest of the deal? I don't see how that would be spineless. I didn't threaten to sue her if she doesn't talk. I said maybe after we have signed the agreement, if it has that clause in it, she will feel more free to talk to me and tell me the truth about everything that happened.



it's not unusual in a separation agreement to include a ton of boiler plate language. I don't know what state you are in. But every state has no fault grounds.

One thing to know - if you do sue her for A, she may well counter with her own fault grounds in you. Then a whole lot of the money goes to lawyers and gets you nowhere with your w.

My question is what your goal is, now.

And IF you are not talking about a lot of money & assets, then be careful about quibbling.

Most importantly, How do you want to feel about yourself and your conduct, down the road? Do you want to be a man of strength and honor, who handles a heartache with grace,

or a man too angry and petty to dig deep, terrified of looking in the mirror, and who is constantly using a measuring stick to "Win"?

(Oh, btw she has her own measuring tool, and it does not match the measurement tool you have.)

Keep at this. IT does get better.


M: 57 H: 60
M: 35 yrs
S30,D28,D19
H off to Alaska 2006
Recon 7/07- 8/08
*2016*
X = "ALASKA 2.0"
GROUND HOG DAY
I File D 10/16
OW
DIV 2/26/2018
X marries OW 5/2016

= CLOSURE 4 ME
Embrace the Change
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Quote:
It is what it is; prying into the details of that would only cause pain for me


This. Do you really want to know what happened between them? I have tons of sex-act pictures of the ex and the OM that the OM's wife sent me. Tons. Do you really want to know the details of hers?

You have proof. You don't need anymore. And if you truly aren't a troll, then I don't think you could handle knowing that she did things to him and vice-versa...

Some boxes are best kept closed.


There are moments in this life when you are so confident in the rightness of your actions, that not even for a second do you consider the option that you might be wrong.
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PS

I don't see the affair lasting very long if he has 4 kids. OM's wife may press things and that can lead to D and that can temporarily push the APs together.

But it's just too much of a leap and chore to instantly become a step mom (as if the kids will welcome her) and his background and faith will not help him seamlessly remarry.

For you, remember -That which we resist, persists. Back off that issue and stay in your sandbox.

You have work to do on you.

How is that going?


M: 57 H: 60
M: 35 yrs
S30,D28,D19
H off to Alaska 2006
Recon 7/07- 8/08
*2016*
X = "ALASKA 2.0"
GROUND HOG DAY
I File D 10/16
OW
DIV 2/26/2018
X marries OW 5/2016

= CLOSURE 4 ME
Embrace the Change
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Posts: 355
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WshIKnw Offline OP
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25, I figured just accepting her offer that I thought wasn't fair wasn't demanding respect from her. She needs to respect me, doesn't she? I'm also trying to create a loss, and consequences for her actions. Sandi says these are good things, that W has no respect or attraction towards me. And that needs to change.


M: 33, W: 30 @BD
M 7, T 10
BD: Early Dec
W left: Late Dec
W got stuff: Late Jan
W sent S papers: Mid Feb
OM cnfrmd: Late Feb

Pain can yield tremendous growth OR everlasting sadness and bitterness.
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