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Dawgs #2735233 03/21/17 06:18 AM
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Originally Posted By: Jeep74
Their family is f***ing crazy. Period.


Jeep,

It sounds like they're bonkers. I'm sorry you have to put up with that stuff. I assume there was lots of abuse within the family?

doodler #2735238 03/21/17 06:30 AM
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Originally Posted By: doodler
Originally Posted By: Jeep74
Their family is f***ing crazy. Period.


Jeep,

It sounds like they're bonkers. I'm sorry you have to put up with that stuff. I assume there was lots of abuse within the family?



There was for the ex and the sister. The sister is older and the ex looks to her as a savior almost. She completely excused - and still does - her behavior when the miscarriage incident happened (the sister wasn't told about it first and went on a rampage screaming at the ex and told the ex that she was nothing to her).

Their dad left when the ex was 2 or so. The mom is crazy. Period. Moved like 60 times in five years and was blind to what was happening. Told the two sisters they were lying and all that. Good stuff (said sarcastically). It took their grandparents to rescue them.

I want to say the abuse was limited to them two...I've heard nothing of if the mom was or not.


There are moments in this life when you are so confident in the rightness of your actions, that not even for a second do you consider the option that you might be wrong.
Dawgs #2735246 03/21/17 07:04 AM
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Originally Posted By: Jeep74
...I've heard nothing of if the mom was or not.


Jeep,

I understand. It's often difficult to know what really happened because memories are repressed and confused, and sometimes, purposely misrepresented (a euphemism).

It seems like most child abusers have a partner; it may be a passive partner, but a partner nevertheless. The passive partner(s) tend to know what's going on, but they make excuses and look the other way and make it easy for the abuser to carry on the abuse. That's as hateful as the actual abuse.

doodler #2735398 03/22/17 05:07 AM
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Doodler my friend, how are you?

Quote:
It seems like most child abusers have a partner; it may be a passive partner, but a partner nevertheless. The passive partner(s) tend to know what's going on, but they make excuses and look the other way and make it easy for the abuser to carry on the abuse. That's as hateful as the actual abuse.


Yes it is. That's another nuke I have waiting in the wings just in case scorched earth is forced upon me...


There are moments in this life when you are so confident in the rightness of your actions, that not even for a second do you consider the option that you might be wrong.
Dawgs #2735481 03/22/17 11:11 AM
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When you go nuclear...I want to sit back and watch the fireworks...


Gordie 40s W 40s M20+ kids
2016 BD W fantasy affair w OM1 I do everything wrong
2017 I start to DB W says TLTL files for D PA w OM2
2018 I do LRT W drops filing and OM2 situation slowly improving
Gordie #2735505 03/22/17 12:03 PM
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Originally Posted By: Gordie
When you go nuclear...I want to sit back and watch the fireworks...


Haha. I have a feeling its coming. If I am pushed, I'll light it up like a mad minute.


There are moments in this life when you are so confident in the rightness of your actions, that not even for a second do you consider the option that you might be wrong.
Gordie #2735512 03/22/17 12:15 PM
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Originally Posted By: Gordie
When you go nuclear...I want to sit back and watch the fireworks...


But if you want to know what I've got and my options, ask me on the other board or PM me.


There are moments in this life when you are so confident in the rightness of your actions, that not even for a second do you consider the option that you might be wrong.
Dawgs #2735601 03/22/17 06:16 PM
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Originally Posted By: Jeep74
Doodler my friend, how are you?

Quote:
It seems like most child abusers have a partner; it may be a passive partner, but a partner nevertheless. The passive partner(s) tend to know what's going on, but they make excuses and look the other way and make it easy for the abuser to carry on the abuse. That's as hateful as the actual abuse.


Yes it is. That's another nuke I have waiting in the wings just in case scorched earth is forced upon me...


Not sure what this^^ claim or advice is based on, but I did criminal defense for 4 years. Less than 1/3 of the sex offenders I represented had culpable partners, many had no partners.

In the DB books, going nuclear isn't discussed. And this is a DB site...

I understand you worry about your children and the OM, Jeep. Still, I feel like anger (which is understandable) is just running rampant in this theme.

Anger may FEEL better than grief, it may be more familiar, but I'm not sure it's any healthier. Grief is not random depression.

It's a response to a loss. Sometimes so is anger. But managing our emotions is a goal here, not pursuing them or encouraging others to fully explore theirs and act on it.

I get the pain you are in. And the anger. (Trust me, I get it). But you have children and the anger is predominant in your posts.

But holding onto anger to punish someone else,

is like lighting yourself on fire to get smoke in their eyes.

It's consuming to us, not the WAS. Letting go of the anger isn't condoning their behavior either.

It's damage control for us. You were wronged, Jeep. No question. So was I for that matter.

I just don't want to be defined by it. I think suggesting that others go for the jugular or the nuclear weapon should be held in reserve, and or assuming all WAS's are cheating liars, well, I'm not sure how helpful or constructive it is. Or accurate.

Please consider this.


M: 57 H: 60
M: 35 yrs
S30,D28,D19
H off to Alaska 2006
Recon 7/07- 8/08
*2016*
X = "ALASKA 2.0"
GROUND HOG DAY
I File D 10/16
OW
DIV 2/26/2018
X marries OW 5/2016

= CLOSURE 4 ME
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Thank you, 25, for giving me such great advice and knocking some sense into me!

You are correct, there is some anger with the whole thing that still resonates within. Is it justified? Yes, yes it is. Would I act on it? No. Not unless forced to, that is.

I'm not concerned about the OM. I had specific language put into the decree that states if anyone with a felony or anything on record showing child endangerment is not to be allowed - period. And guess who has all that? The OM. The ex did not like that one bit, but she signed without a fight. In fact, she didn't fight any of it.

Now, my nuke "options." Would I use them? I don't like or want to think about going that route. Not at all. Still, after all she has said and done, I still have a soft spot for her. I don't want to destroy her. I could have ended her career and really have done a lot of damage to her had I wanted. I did go to JAG and had a nice conversation with them...but, at the end of the day, I didn't do it. And that was only for the children. If we didn't have kids, then I'd have done it. All I had to do was hit send.

And that option still exists if I want it...and I also realize that if I were to use it, then the resulting fallout would affect the kids - maybe even greatly, and I can't have that.

Now, as there is always a flip side, the grumblings from her camp are becoming increasingly louder to the point of almost deafening. I'm doing my best not to open the can of worms and reply...for the most part I just ignore, block, delete. Except one time where the ex-MIL posted some slanderous stuff on something I tagged a mutual friend on. In that case, I screenshotted it and forwarded it to my lawyer as part of their harassment stuff. Then I deleted and blocked. And I brought it to the ex's attention what had happened and what I did with it. That's all.

Remember the mole in their camp? Well, that mole has been informing me of something the ex and her sister have up their sleeve concerning the kids, and it's quite disturbing. There have been more than one incident of parental alienation happening. And that's not all.

So, what do I do when their noise/actions become to great? What do I do concerning the parental alienation and also the "alienation" coming from sister and all? Granted, she only sees them twice a month for two nights total, but still. Its started and needs to be stopped.

My lawyer says I could have gotten full custody had I wanted it - it would have been messy and may have even resulted in the ex completely breaking down. The option is there. But I didn't do it because of the kids. They love their mom, no matter how much of a piece of shite she is. Which leads me to another fear - a very rational fear that she may repeat her mother's actions when they were young. That scares me more than anything.

So, my "nukes" are this: A small reveal of what she has done - no one, save one - the mole, knows of any of the stuff she has done. They all are convinced that I cheated, wronged her, abused her, etc...she lied to them THAT much. Who knows. Would I be forced to? I could if I had to.

Another thing - the OM's ex wife saw what the ex-MIL had posted (we are friends on said social media) and flat out told me that all I need to do is say the word and she'd put the show on for me. I told her she has the green light to respond to the next one.

So, that's it. Anger? Yes. Would I do something stupid? No.


There are moments in this life when you are so confident in the rightness of your actions, that not even for a second do you consider the option that you might be wrong.
Dawgs #2735658 03/23/17 06:06 AM
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Originally Posted By: Jeep74
Which leads me to another fear - a very rational fear that she may repeat her mother's actions when they were young. That scares me more than anything.


Jeep,

That's a rational fear.

When my XW was a little girl, she went to a doctor. The doctor told her mother that something was amiss. Apparently her mother never did anything about it; no questions, nothing. That's scary. It's good that you remain vigilant when it comes to your children.

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