Round 2

[Tryin2figuritout]

I always loved having lunch with my sons at school. I didn't do enough of that.

Definitely has not been my strong suit, but I love it every time. The train has left the station for that with my D13, but that's having a teenager.

[Dawgs]

I always loved having lunch with my sons at school. I didn't do enough of that.

Definitely has not been my strong suit, but I love it every time. The train has left the station for that with my D13, but that's having a teenager.

I try to at least go every week or two...

[Tryin2figuritout]

I try to at least go every week or two...

Jeep - That's fantastic. I'm typically about 2-3 times a school year. Work is a bit of a drive from my kids school, but should figure that out.

[Tryin2figuritout]

To help with my detachment, I had to take off my wedding ring. Today is a bit of an anniversary of sorts as it was 4 years ago that I "got it". By got it, I mean I had a few months of sorting out things and finally understood the WAW. More important than that was I understood and accepted my contributions to our R.

Still trying to process my guilt at letting it slide again. It's a tough pill to swallow as I was onto something 4 years ago in my own personal development, but let things slip. Woulda, coulda, shoulda doesn't help right now.

So it is relieving to have my ring off because otherwise I feel like I'm holding on and grasping at straws. "Hope is a Prison" in a way as you go through this stuff.

I can see my detachment is having some impacts with the W. As she left for work today, she was telling me about her day and what she was doing. I wasn't rude or anything, but uninterested. She then said, "Just telling you my day because that's what I always do." I could sense sadness on her part in this. I know this does not mean anything really in the grand scheme of things, but it helps in detaching for me personally.

She's got plans to go to dinner with one of her best friends who just told her H that she thinks they will not make it in their M. Misery loves company? I'm glad she's getting out to continue to release the pain she has.

It's weird processing the ring / detachment and not feel like you're giving up on the M. If anything, it really takes courage to make this step in acknowledging everything, but hard shaking some feelings of "throwing in the towel".

What advice does anyone have in trying to process the feelings of giving up on your M vs. detachment like my comment on the ring?

[doodler]

What advice does anyone have in trying to process the feelings of giving up on your M vs. detachment like my comment on the ring?

I don't have any advice, but I do have a question. If we were truly detached, would we even bother logging into the DB forum?

[Tryin2figuritout]

I don't have any advice, but I do have a question. If we were truly detached, would we even bother logging into the DB forum?

I now have to clean up my laptop since I just spit out my water all over it, but I'll gladly do that for this one. You one funny SOB. Keep 'em coming.

[Tryin2figuritout]

Woke up feeling ok. We had planned on family vacation at the beach with W's family and now it looks like I'll get half and W will get half. W says "I think they'd rather be with you than me right now". I'm just excited to be there with kidos. We should be in the apartment by this time too. Good space all around.

Talked this morning on two things: 1) Trip next year - My D13 will be finishing up grade school next year and we've been planning a trip to celebrate. Talked about keeping those plans for the 4 of us plus one of my D's friends. Don't see any reason not to keep these plans.

2) W told her cousin who brought up having outside relationships interfere with our current stich. I told W to do what she wants, but my plan is to just work on me. Having space to being alone is real important right not IMHO. I confess that I did recommend not mixing a relationship in with the process of healing, but reiterated that she can do what she wants.

For the outside relationship talk, do you think that was handled right? Any type of "thou shalt not", etc. to me would be too needy, clingy.

It's hard to navigate this stuff and feel confident, but it's all about improving myself and damn everything else. I put the best I have to offer out there and let the chips fall where they may.

Any advice, comments, etc. welcomed!!

[Dawgs]

W says "I think they'd rather be with you than me right now".

Yikes. Just yikes. I can't imagine a mother saying that and relinquishing time.

I told W to do what she wants, but my plan is to just work on me. Having space to being alone is real important right not IMHO. I confess that I did recommend not mixing a relationship in with the process of healing, but reiterated that she can do what she wants.

Giving her the green light...

[Tryin2figuritout]

[quote]W says "I think they'd rather be with you than me right now".

That was more about her family than our kids. Our kids are incredible and very supportive of the two of us. I couldn't be prouder for how they're handling this.

Giving her the green light...

Not intention and more of our dialogue was about just healing and not really what's next (our R or another R). Appreciate the honesty on that Jeep. Guess that's why it's good posting and getting support and feedback.

[Tryin2figuritout]

Interesting weekend. Really good one with me and the kidos and really appreciate them more than ever. Hate that it's times like these that reset priorities, but take it.

We worked a water table for a charity run yesterday for a cause near and dear to my Sister's heart. I had to get through this before telling my family because I wanted the focus on my Sister's cause and not our R drama.

We had a wonderful morning together as a family. Good relaxed convo with the W as opposed to the last month or so of heavy R discussion. Grabbed lunch after the event and the W noticed I took of my ring and said "that's surprising". She was immediately ready to go after that and I could see she was upset.

Late afternoon I got to go to my parents, brother and sister and catch them up on things. Very supportive and glad to have some of this mess off my chest.

This morning as we're getting ready for school the W asked my S10 about signing his conduct card from last week which I told her I had already taken care of. She responds "I guess I'm really not needed around here as you're just knocking it out the park."

Know that I'm happier in my detachment than getting noticed by the W. It's really the only way to tackle this head on. She's gonna lose out on the M that we have and I know this and can sleep well at night knowing this.

Going to see our old marriage counselor today without the W. As she knows our failings better than anyone, I just want to reset with her about how I'm dealing on self. Is this validation of some sort, sure, but I look at it as a step in the process.