WW with affair moved out 4+ weeks ago

[Dawgs]

And to your point I guess that really isn't sickness at all. It's her choices and she has the free will to choose whatever she wants.

One of the hardest lessons I had to learn was that while my feelings grew with our marriage, hers didn't...and like your wife's, went in the other direction. You're absolutely right, she made choices due to her own free will. Nothing we can do - or even should - do about that.

appreciate the bluntness

I don't mean to be overly blunt, but to be blunt is far better than hand-holding and sunshine pumping.

have been choosing to detach every day. I won't lie... it is hard. But yes, I will be ok. I know that. I don't like my current reality and dealing with the pending divorce. But nothing I can do is going to change the current reality.

By far this was the hardest thing I've ever gone through. By far. Official yesterday. You know something? I'm OK. I cry for the kids only. The ex, well, is just that.

[Laowai]

^^Jeep is on point!!!!

Letting her go will be the best thing you have ever done for yourself. Go on your own journey. Trust all of us on this one. We know how difficult it is, but it is the only chance you have at saving the small amount of sanity you have left at the moment. There will be brighter days 15stang, it may not seem like it now, but they will come. Hang in there buddy.

[15Stang]

Thanks everyone. I appreciate the encouragement. Sometimes it's tough to wrap my head around everything that is going on. It's been five weeks today since she walked out and left. I know I wasn't the perfect husband but I do feel that I brought the best of myself to this marriage. What makes me frustrated and think a lot is 'was my best not enough for her?' Or are these her issues and she doesn't know how to resolve them so she makes completely selfish choices? I know it's easy to blame the other person all the time. I don't want to blame my wife. I've been trying to reflect back upon myself and while I have not been perfect I do feel like the last three years I have really become a different person. I am very happy with the growth that I've had in the last three years. But at the end of the day it still wasn't enough.

In my opinion there's never a good reason to go out and have an affair. Truly, what kind of person does that? I know people on this forum have no idea who I am and what kind of husband I was or the kind of marriage I had....... but regardless of that I thought I was a pretty darn good husband and made a great partner in a marriage. Nothing I have done makes me deserve this kind of treatment from my wife. It is sad to see the person she has become. Please understand I'm not trying to be prideful and say that I did nothing wrong. I have my issues and I will continue to work on them to make me be the best person I can be. It's just hard for me to wrap my head around how someone can justify this type of behavior.

Thanks for letting me vent everyone. The thoughts of me being some kind of failure have just been bouncing around in my head all night tonight.

[TxHubby]

You can remain a faithful Christian and still D your cheating wife. God gives us permission when there's adultery. He hates it too.

She'll come back at some point. I absolutely promise you that. If for no other reason because she has hooked up with a total loser who is also a cheater. That will implode and she'll try to manipulate you into taking her back. Do with that what you will. Good luck.

[15Stang]

TxHubby,
What makes you think she will come back at some point?
Thx
E

[Dawgs]

She'll come back at some point. I absolutely promise you that

Um, no, that is not true. Some do, some don't. Mine didn't, as the same with countless others. Another thing, is why would one want a cheater to come back?

[Bdog37]

In my opinion there's never a good reason to go out and have an affair. Truly, what kind of person does that? I know people on this forum have no idea who I am and what kind of husband I was or the kind of marriage I had....... but regardless of that I thought I was a pretty darn good husband and made a great partner in a marriage. Nothing I have done makes me deserve this kind of treatment from my wife. It is sad to see the person she has become. Please understand I'm not trying to be prideful and say that I did nothing wrong. I have my issues and I will continue to work on them to make me be the best person I can be. It's just hard for me to wrap my head around how someone can justify this type of behavior.

A lot of us have been in the same sitch and have had the same questions. I too do not understand how the woman I loved can do such a thing to me as well and know I didn't deserve it either. There are never good reasons to go out and have an A.

Continue to vent here because your W won't give you the answers you are looking for and she will do everything to justify her actions. I am sorry to say, but she is not the woman you married anymore.

[15Stang]

Thanks Sal27. I agree.... She is not the woman I married. That is a tough reality to accept. But I choose to do so. I have to otherwise I will stay stuck. I know she can change and become that woman again or even better but all of that is a dream right now. It's not reality.

[Dawgs]

I think that one thing that people are forgetting is that our spouses aren't victims of conniving OMs. They went looking...an affair isn't an oops thing. They wanted it - whether it be with their partner or someone else. The marriage and their spouse is less than nothing. Sorry to be so blunt, but it is what it is. No excuses can be made...

[15Stang]

Hi all,
Well I received another email today from my W. Checking to see if I received her last email as I never responded. I got a "I do care about you even though I chose to leave" from her. For the most part it was a "I know you are hurting and hopefully you are receiving support from friends." She ended it with "can I have the items I requested from the house."

What a bunch of crap. If she cares then stop. Quit trying to justify your own guilt and actions by hoping our friends are supporting me.

I won't respond to this email either. I am hurting but not as bad as she thinks. I have ALL of her stuff packed up. Her friends want to deliver it as they want to talk with her. Fine by me. As much as I want to see her I would rather her friends deliver her stuff.