I have been very respectful, kind and calm with my W. I have asked a lot of questions and got poor answers.
I have feelings of wow-what did you think would happen and what did you think I would feel like..... but have feelings of fear and did my best to not raise my voice etc....
I feel you H should do something similar but from my reading and my friends -- most would be angry and yell etc.
If you can continue to say you are sorry and say I love you .... but expect fear but not accept disrespect... that would be best IMO.
Simply say I love you and I am sorry and walk away maybe.... I do not have good advice here. Kindness and respect. Even though the A is horrible.
H (me) 52, W 42 M 15 D14, S12 PA June and Sept 2016 Found out Sept, confronted Oct NC with OM since Oct, remorseful Dating since Nov
I have my first appointment with a counselor tonight. I was supposed to have one a few weeks ago, but they had to cancel because of a family emergency. My H didn't say no to me going, but he has been hesitant. For that reason, and because things have been slowly getting better, I put off rescheduling. The therapist reached out to me last Friday with new appointment times and I thought it would still be good for me to go, but I didnt say anything to H about it until last night. Again, he didnt tell me not to go, just shrugged whatever and said he didn't like the idea because it was going to turn into me complaining about the way he's been treating me/reacting to the situation and the counselor would tell me it was wrong. I told him, right there should show you that you know its wrong to react that way and he knows it. He didn't really respond to that. I told him I'm going for me regardless because when he does act that way, I don't know how to respond. Not only then, but most of the time I dont know how to act around him. He says he just wants for us to have a good time together, but when I act happy and light-hearted with him, he tells me I've moved on and am acting like nothing ever happened. Its confusing to know how to behave around him.
I'm really glad you are going to the counselor. I hope you will give background of how things have been in the MR. I think there may be more to it, than you talking to another guy. I'm not saying you have done something more....I'm talking about your H, and how he has treated you throughout the M.
Stay brave and don't back out. I'm pulling for you!
Last edited by Cadet; 01/06/1709:05 AM. Reason: Start a new thread message
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
Little compares to the devastation people feel when they discover their spouse has been unfaithful. Couples often struggle to get past intense emotional pain, mistrust, resentment and never ending arguments about the betrayal.
You are clearly remorseful and wanting to move your marriage in a more positive direction. Healing from infidelity is achievable for both of you with the right support and tools.
You are at a very fragile point in this relationship and it would be extremely helpful to know what your next move should be.Feel free to give me a call at 303-444-7004 to discuss how we can best help you determine what to do next.
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Resource Coordinator The Divorce Busting Center 303-444-7004
Last edited by Cadet; 01/28/1706:19 AM. Reason: Start a new thread message
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Just wanted to give ya'll an update since its been a while and so many of you were so kind and helpful. I didn't want you to think that I was ungrateful and all. The past couple of months have been progressively better in most ways. Things are almost back to normal between me and H. Very rarely does he mention it anymore and if he does its a quick remark. I had to go to Vegas for a work convention mid-February and that was when I heard the most of it, but it wasn't the typical hate spewed. It was more of him being nervous that I was going to do something dumb again. I was gone for about 5 days and we talked on the phone a few nights and texted. I got a lot of "I love you's" and "please be smart." So, that all went good. Since then, things have been pretty good too. I get texts during the day saying he loves me and our regular casual talks we used to have during the day. I feel good again. If anything changes, I'll be back to give my update haha, but just wanted to tell y'all thank you for keeping me sane and giving me hope throughout this!
